When-No-One-Is-Watching Is When You Build the Life You Dream Of

A reminder of how early success is no predictor of long-term success.

The world is full of people eager to tell you what you can and can’t do. Don’t listen to anyone if you think otherwise. And if you do listen to them, make sure you do it short enough to tell them — Hold my beer.

We’ve all met the naysayers. The ones who don’t even let you finish your phrase before they tell you why you can’t possibly do what you’re trying to. What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about it? What’s that thing you gave up on before you’ve even tried long enough, just because others told you that you’re not good enough?

To me, it used to be writing. Freelance writing, to be more specific. The funny thing is I used to hear how I won’t be able to earn much from writing, right from my employer at the time. All while I was busting my ass off, writing product guides, reviews, and website copy for affiliate marketing websites that were making my boss big money. I told her to hold my beer nearly 10 years ago.

Turns out some people are trying to drag you down just so you won’t get ahead of them. Others do it simply because they can. And because they value their infatuated opinion more than they should.

The rant comes after recently re-watching Kate Winslet’s “Look At Me Now” BAFTA speech. It’s a powerful motivator for anyone struggling with either self-doubt or with doubt induced by others:

If you can’t spare 8 minutes to watch this video, here’s the valuable lesson:

You shouldn’t be doubting, you should just be going for it.

Kate recalls — “when I was younger, when I was only 14, I was told by a drama teacher that I might do okay if I was happy to settle for the fat girl parts. Look at me now! Look at me now.”

Then, just as it happens in life, soon after I watched this video, a pocketbook fell into my lap — Daniel Coyle’s Little Book Of Talent, a collection of 52 tips for improving skills.

Tip no. 11 — Don’t let yourself be fooled by the myth of the prodigy child.

The author claims that a growing number of established research studies prove that early success is a poor telltale of talent and long-term success. Apparently, those who are praised and told that they’re good from an early age, are more likely to take their “talent” for granted, take fewer risks, and slow down their learning and improvement process in the long run.

By contrast, those who aren’t particularly praised in the beginning, but who are motivated to work hard, will grow slowly but steadily. One day, they will explode and take the world by storm with their previously unsuspected talent.

“The vision of a champion is someone bent over, drenched in sweat, to a point of exhaustion, when no one else is watching.” -Anson Dorrance, American women’s soccer coach

When no one else is watching

Kate Winslet chose to ignore her drama teacher and kept working hard when no one else was watching, unwilling to settle for the “fat girl parts”. In case you were wondering, film critics particularly appreciate her acting in the “headstrong, complicated women parts”, which is far from what that teacher envisioned her.

Do you know what other brilliant people worked hard, drenched in sweat when no one else was watching, or, at the very least when no one else was giving them a chance?

Albert Einstein

The genius physicist failed his university entrance exam and barely passed it on a second attempt. He needed two years to find his first job after graduation. And he only became a junior professor nine years after graduating from the Zurich Polytechnic.

Winston Churchill

As a child, the all-time famous politician had to repeat a grade in elementary school. He eventually entered the lowest division. And even later on he struggled with admissions as he failed twice to pass the Royal Military Academy entrance exam. The guy went on to become Great Britain’s prime minister and lead the country through the First World War. Who knew…

Walt Disney

Did you know that America’s animation industry pioneer was fired for “lacking creativity”? He struggled for years, racking up debts and living on beans while counting over 300 rejections for Mikey Mouse. Finally, he managed to get financing for Mikey and the rest is history. But had he given up when all those businessmen were telling him no, the cartoons we grew up with would have been a lot different.

Michael Jordan

Rumour has it that he was kicked out of his high school basketball team. But the story is a little different. The legendary basketball player, when he was 15, failed to get a spot on the varsity team as a sophomore. Needless to say, he made up for it next year, after intensive practice on his own.

Thomas Edison

You know the guy, the inventor of the light bulb, but you’ve probably been thinking about him in a different… light. Did you know he lost his first two jobs on the ground that he wasn’t productive? Or that he failed 10000 times before he actually succeeded to invent the light bulb? There’s a famous (documented) story about him, with a reporter questioning his lack of results before he managed to hit the successful attempt, to whom Edison replied — “Results? Why, man, I’ve had plenty of results. I know several thousand things that don’t work!”

Excellence is a habit

And sometimes, it might come slowly, disguised in the habit of failing.

If you get yourself in the habit of listening to others telling you what you can or can’t do, you’re guaranteed to achieve just what you hear, not what you think.

If instead, you get yourself in the habit of listening only to your gut, knowing your values, what matters to you, and what you want to achieve in life, you’ll get there. No matter how slowly. No matter how tortuous the road may be.

I, for instance, haven’t thought much about becoming a writer, whether I was good or I had what it takes. But I haven’t stopped writing, either. It turns out that certain things helped me become a writer, but I enjoyed doing it ever since I was about 7 and scribbling error-full Christmas letters to my grandparents in the countryside.

Even though I studied mathematics-informatics in high school, I still ended up attending and getting prizes on pretty much any literature contest I’ve heard of.

And even though I picked Communication Science for my University studies (only to find out a bit later on that I had signed up for… Journalism), I kept through all the press training. I knew I wasn’t going to make it as a war reporter, and not even as a celebrity one, but I stuck with the sports and cultural events and did great with both my television and newspaper practice.

I even stumbled into online writing in my second year at the university, so, despite never having a precise image of what I’d want to do, I kept writing. It turned out that writing was what I wanted and what I was good at. Making a living as a writer was a slow road. It took me a while to figure it out or to muster the courage to jump into freelancing. Yet I realize now that I did it all because I fully embraced the habit of writing.

I could have given up the first time I came to Bucharest, after graduation. When I was having a hard time finding an actual writing job (other than the online writing gig that I kept since University).

I could have settled to writing for my employer (once I found an office job that involved writing). And I never would have dreamed about finding my own clients online, in other countries.

And none of these would have taken me to where I am today — a freelance writer who works from home at her own pace while keeping up with a rambunctious toddler.

I guess what I’m trying to say is what Gary Keller said in his famous book, The One Thing:

All great achievements are the result of sustained focus over time — all of them.

So, my sustained focus over time was writing and it continues to be so. Even though I slow down at times — like in the past two weeks, when my son got a cold (yeah, in the middle of the summer), and then I got the cold from him, and it’s been a party at our house ever since. But things seem to be back to normal now, so, I’ll keep focusing on my North Star.

What’s gonna be your sustained focus over time? I’d love to hear from you!

Thank you for making it to the end! I’ve got more stories like this one if you want to peek: