Will You Take a Look at the Full Half of the Glass?
Counting my blessings as an allergy mom and inviting you to do the same.
There’s this song saying that no mother has well-rested eyes. And there’s also a well-rested multitasking concealer that I’m guessing mothers who leave the house put on their faces early in the morning.
I wouldn’t know much about the latter — I work from home, typically late at night, when the blue light coming from my monitor is more than enough to make my skin tone look fresh and radiant. My skin tone and my glass of vodka. That is a virtual glass, of course.
But I do know much about the former (meaning not-well-rested eyes) — I’m an allergy mom, almost three blissful years into motherhood, having to cook five times a day for my bundle of joy. Foods made of the wackiest ingredients (+love) and that must strictly fall under the rigors of a rotation diet.
I could lay limp, double my body weight, and whine about it more than a threenager could ever complain about the color of his socks. Yet, I guess I’m having a moment of clarity now and starting to stare at the full half of my vodka glass.
I want to look at all the great things my son’s allergies have brought into our lives. And when I’m done, I’d love to hear you do the same — spill on your keyboard all your reasons of gratitude for the biggest challenge of your hardest motherload.
Chin-chin.
12 Positive Things From Having a Child With Multiple Food Intolerances
1. Most of the time, we’re eating healthy.
Once upon a time, my husband and I would hop in the car on a Sunday afternoon and drive nearly 100 km, crossing the border into another country, just to have a meal at Happy Bar & Grill. As you can imagine, we weren’t getting ourselves a salad once we were there, but more of a Viking-worthy plate with meats and sauces and things that today make my stomach cringe at the mere thought of it.
Those days are gone, and in our fairytale, we’re now having a salad with all the raw veggies we can find and lots of avocado and seeds in it for breakfast. We’ve had our fair share of attempts to keep the right path in the past. But it was only after we welcomed our son into this world and I found out I could no longer eat most of the things I used to that we found our motivation to eat healthily truly.
2. I’m learning a ton about healthy food.
Are you wondering what I do with the time I saved by no longer driving into another country to have dinner? Well, I study food families and cross-reactivity allergy charts, and I don’t feel sorry for doing it. I’m learning which food is from what family, how they are related, and the odds for my son to have an allergic reaction to cashews or sumac if he just had one to mangos.
Also, I learn how to make bread at home. Bread without gluten, using just one cereal and flaxseed flour. Or how to make cereal bars using just one cereal, one fruit, and one healthy oil. Or how to make biscuits without butter and eggs. Basically, I’m on a quest to find the most beneficial alternatives to the foods that everyone else seems to enjoy except for us.
3. I’m discovering new foods.
Foods that I’m surprised I enjoy, but hey, we learn while we live. When I was little, I watched my grandparents in the countryside feed their pigs with amaranth leaves. Fast forward 30 years later, I’m using amaranth seeds to make vegan roe (boiled amaranth seeds seasoned with lemon juice, salt, and flaxseed oil) or amaranth pops.
Some foods are things I didn’t even know existed, while others are things I’ve never cared about but that today make up a significant part of my family’s diet. When your child can’t eat most of the seasonal fruits in the country where you live, you become quite a savvy buyer of tropical fruits such as jackfruit, dragon fruit, or kaki.
4. I’m keeping my family fit.
When we baptized our son, I was the slimmest woman at the party that followed the religious ceremony. It’s not that common for a young mother to be thinner than all the other women she meets, and everyone wanted to know my secret — I told them, it’s simple: I don’t eat, and I don’t sleep.
My husband hadn’t had his current weight in over 20 years. And my parents, who live with us, are also slimmer than ever. My son is a happy, active child, tall for his age, but without the fluffiness that other children get from getting stuffed with white bread and butter or cream.
Food is a topic we tiptoe around in our home, and as much as we try to educate our son and involve him in our cooking sessions, once we’ve had our meal, everything is put away until the next meal. We don’t just eat healthier, but we also stick to a meal schedule to avoid temptations as much as possible.
5. I can get on a plane with food from home.
This is something I just tell myself to make me feel better. We haven’t taken our son on any flights yet. And it will probably be a while until we will do so. Still, it’s a bit comforting to know that when we need to do so, we will be able to take with us food that is safe for him and that we can’t get from anywhere else.
Speaking of safety, I’m going to throw in another reason for being grateful — in an attempt to avoid temptations, we’re also staying away from eating out, which had a significant impact on our health and wallet.
6. I grow a courageous and responsible tot.
Possibly a soon-to-be Masterchef, too. He’s not even three years old yet, but my son knows how to make polenta, tapioca pudding, cereal bars, fruit jams, and a few other things. He, of course, is only walking around the house talking out loud the steps for cooking these recipes. He plays on his imaginary stovetop and tells us how he will store them in the basement so we have provisions for the winter.
Whenever he hears someone talking about sugar, he says, “Sugar is not good; we only eat a little!”. And he opens up the fridge, telling what each casserole contains, what each bottle stores, and which are the foods he’s supposed to eat, which are the foods that only the grandparents can eat, and so on. He, of course, has his moments of weakness, but through it all, he’s grown into more than a reasonable kid.
7. I’m more present.
And often motivated to forget everything and just be with my son. We’ve had a challenging start, we’ve only recently found our balance (to some extent), and I’m doing my best to enjoy the time we get together. I’ve started to make efforts to get out of our comfort zone and escape for little adventures in places where food shouldn’t be such a major reason of concern. Yet because I spend quite a lot of time in the kitchen, I often choose to bring him in and help him be a part of the process. If I don’t, I certainly feel guilty for keeping him away, making me even more joyful when we get together.
8. I get to say no to others and don’t feel sorry.
I mean saying no to junk snacks that others offer us. When I tell people that my son can’t eat that, they are usually reasonable and don’t nag us. Of course, I need to put in extra work and discuss with my son why we had to refuse some things, but as far as I’m concerned, I feel liberated to say no without regrets.
We used to visit relatives who would overwhelm us with food, or we’d spend countless days cooking for special holidays. These days, we just say no, thank you, we’re not eating that, and just mind our own special diet.
9. I don’t need to deal with pushy grandparents.
I admit it took my parents a while to fully understand the implications of them feeding my son with foods he wasn’t supposed to eat. But once we’ve come to an agreement, I no longer have to worry that they are stuffing their grandson with sweets all day long. They’re pretty responsible grandparents from this point of view. Phew.
10. I’m becoming more careful of other people’s needs.
Empathy is something we all need to learn, and we often do it from personal experiences. As a parent, you can never forget that moment when another parent calls to ask how to plan the menu so it will be OK for your child too. You will never again be indifferent to other person’s food restrictions or special needs of any kind.
Here’s the thing, though — it’s not just me who becomes more emphatic, but also my son, with whom I talk about it every single day. I emphasize how other people pay attention to his needs and how it’s nice for us to do the same.
11. I feel that we’re strong together.
The three of us have a special bond, we have this thing that takes up our resources, and we’re constantly working towards our health goals. Even though the road isn’t easy, I often feel that we’re going to make it work together. When I fear that I can’t do it anymore, my husband backs me up. And the other way around. And often, our son finds new ways to take us by surprise by showing enthusiasm for food that I was honestly afraid he’s going to spit out. It’s funny how things work out even when the odds seem to be against us, but we’re aware of it and grateful for it every single day.
12. I’ve found new writing opportunities.
My son’s food intolerances to boost my career as a freelance writer was the last thing I expected. Nevertheless, as I deep-dived into this fascinating world and science of food and health, I’ve also earned expertise and knowledge that allowed me to jump on writing projects that I might have otherwise ignored. Sure, the time I get to dedicate to my career is significantly restricted. However, it is gratifying to make a living while writing about things I’m passionate about and directly involved in.
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Did I say enough? Wow, it hadn’t occurred to me that I have so many reasons for gratitude until I actually sat down and got to put it all on paper. Now, I may have had a bit too many virtual vodka glasses, moms, but I do remember what I said in the beginning — I’m curious to know what’s your biggest hurdle with parenting right now, and if you can pinpoint at least one good thing that comes out of it?
Count your blessing(s), please!
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