When Life Slaps You on The Face…10 Ways to Pull Yourself Together
a.k.a. the art of getting grounded
The days that we feel like shit are days to binge-watch Netflix in pajamas and eat a whole box of chocolate, right? Er… nah.
Developing the awareness of what makes me feel grounded when everything sucks is the main reason why I am much happier now as a 34-year-old than I ever was in my early 20’s. We may fall and shatter our asses on the ground a few (too many) times but hey! Life does get easier and better when we do the work. Yay!
What I am sharing here is a list I carry inside my old school paper planner. When shit hits the fan, I lose the tempo of my breath and, although I know I can prevent the worst, my head is too cloudy to remember how. Instead of running after another cup of coffee and cookies, which will only get me even more anxious, I run to this list. As long as it works, right?
These activities fuel me with renewed energy and optimism. They provide new perspectives and strength from I don’t know where. They realign and reinvigorate me. This is an invitation for you to figure out what works for you. This year let’s ditch the binge behaviors and old patterns :)
Quick fixes
Breathwork
Breathing properly fills us with energy and circulates whatever is inside of us. There are so many different breathing exercises for different purposes, but one of my favorite exercises is this one:
Breathe in and out through the nose, 40 times in a row. Intensify your breathing as it goes, by speeding it up and making it louder. Once you reach 40, breathe it all out and hold your breath for 20 seconds. While holding your breath, focus on what you want: more energy? get calmer?
Put your intention in it. Then as you breathe in, visualize the air bringing in that which you asked for. Imagine the oxygen circulating through your body, bringing your wish to your whole being. Then hold your in-breath for as long as you can, and keep the visualization. Breathe out, repeat if necessary, or resume breathing normally.
I learned this one from my dear friend Daniel Alan, a breathwork therapist. It works wonders for me. When I breathe it all out, I feel like I was hit on my chest; a total feeling of emptiness invades me making me ready for something new to replenish me.
Emotional Release
If you google “emotional release”, you will find many meditation-related therapies. That’s not what I am talking about. The Emotional Release that I have learned from people who lived in Osho communities and works for me is more related to shaking.
Pounding pillows and giving tantrums. Shake nonstop for five minutes. If I am in an office, I might just go to the bathroom, cover my mouth with my hands and throw a tantrum for some minutes. It simply allows the energy to circulate and not get stuck. It ensures the energy, such as anger, will not end up backfiring and burning me. After the emotional release, I feel I can have a civilized conversation about anything.
Pray
There's no need to believe in anything to pray. It's like speaking to yourself, or rather, a better self: our higher self, the one we are longing to meet. The important thing here is to pray aloud. It’s crazy how we realize how stupid some of our thoughts are once we speak them aloud.
Through hearing our voice we also find solutions out of nowhere (programmers have known this for a long time, and even call it rubber ducking). Our voice is an outlet, supporting us to put the energy out. I love talking because when we are only thinking, our internal voice is mostly mental. But when we talk, we connect to the heart.
We sometimes start crying or laughing at things that just five minutes before we weren't aware of their emotional load. Adding the heart to the equation adds a whole new dimension to understanding and healing the problem.
Not so quick-fixes, but really good healing activities
Put stuff in order
Clean the apartment, wash clothes, declutter, separate things that can be given away. When we feel shitty, we feel a mess. Putting order in the outside world helps bring peace to the inner world. Removing what is not needed from in front of me helps me remove the confusion from within and find space to bring new, better things into my life. It’s almost ritualistic. Put some soundtrack with heavy drums and it might just be.
Journaling
Writing is a tool to bring about clarity. It helps us slow down in our minds and make sense of what is going on. Sometimes when we dwell on something we feel so many things at once without putting a finger on it. Writing supports us to articulate the different voices we have in our heads and see the big picture.
Go for walks
Get out of the house, or of any other enclosed environment. Get some fresh air, get the body moving and juices flowing. Not to go to the supermarket, not to buy something but to go out as an end in itself. If possible, go to nature. But get out of the house.
Dance, do yoga or any exercise in general
Just like walking, it’s important to move that body. Shake in the kitchen for five minutes. Or simply walk dancing. Who said we have to walk in straight lines?
When I feel shitty, I feel that often staying still makes it worse; as if it drags the problem longer as the energy doesn't find a way to transform and release. It’s like a little demon is in the middle of a crossroad and doesn't know which turn to take. Dancing gives it many possible scapes. Yoga really helps balance energies overall. Walking, exercising, dancing, it doesn’t matter: get the body moving and offer some curves to that demon.
Do something for someone else
Sometimes it helps to get out of my individualistic bubble. I think of a person I love and come up with something nice for her. This is pretty good when we are going crazy over nothing, as it often happens. It’s a way to call in love, appreciation, and gratitude.
Massage, or even self-massage
Massage is physical, grounding, relaxing and loving. It is not always possible to fix it on the go, but I also rely on self-massage at times. Even touching myself for five minutes helps: light strokes on my arms and my chest calm my body, and help me get more connected and present.
It takes me out of my mind, at least. I also like to give myself a hug, give a kiss or two on my hands. It is a sign of self-love and appreciation. No matter what happens, I am alive. Your mind might say it is weird, but your body has an intelligence of its own and highly appreciates this act.
Meditate
Of course, this had to be on the list. I like to meditate on emptiness to clear out the mind. As we empty our cup, we make room for the new to come in. It is about giving and receiving. I offer my mess to the universe and wait for what it has in store for me. It is mental cleaning, so to say, decluttering the mind from all the trash.
I know many people struggle with emptying up, so a possibility is to focus on affirmations, such as “I am confident in my ability to make my life work”, "I persevere through uncertainty", or "I use my drive and passion to improve my life".
When we feel bad we normally have something inside of us that is calling for our attention. Something needs to circulate, there is something we need to hear and learn, so we can transform our lives for the better. Instead of using our energy for rumination, we can put it to work in our favor.
Hi, I am Aline Ra M, spiritual guide, energy worker, and tea lover.