When it Comes to Prayer, Don’t Be Rigid but Do Be Disciplined

“Prayer is friendship with God”…but “the casual mind kills it.” George A. Buttock

Is prayer confusing for you? Hard to do? Or do you worry that you might not be doing it “right”?

In over 35 years of following Christ, I still get overwhelmed and confused about prayer. It’s been the spiritual discipline I've found most difficult to cultivate in my life…or so I thought.

I am reading and studying a book called Classic Devotionals. The book is compiled and edited by Richard J. Foster, author of Celebration of Discipline and Freedom of Simplicity.

Each chapter features a classic devotional by a spiritual giant or key teacher of the faith, including modern-day teachers like Dallas Willard and C.S. Lewis as well as those of long ago like Brother Lawrence and John of the Cross.

Hearing what various believers over the years have had to say about the spiritual life and especially prayer, has lifted my spirits about my relationship with prayer. I think, perhaps, I was not as far off the mark as I thought.

Solitude

“Prayer begins not in asking, but in a silent self-preparation.” — George A. Buttrick

On this most teachers on prayer agree and this seems like a good starting point to consider prayer. I am happy to entrench myself in solitude. It’s how I’ve learned to hear God’s voice. All the noise from the world, and other Christians shouting at me how to “be a good Christian”, have only driven me further from being able to tune into His Presence and His voice.

“Without solitude it is virtually impossible to live a spiritual life.” — Henri Nouwen

I’ve adopted solitude as my posture of prayer. In this way I know I can enter into the Presence of God anywhere, anytime, not just on my knees in my bedroom between the hours of 6–8 am.

Solitude can be found on a walk between rows of sunflowers, a hike through canyons and tall boulders, or an afternoon meditation break from work.

Solitude has saved me from me.

For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” (Isaiah 30:15, ESV)

Pray Scripture

You can’t go wrong when you agree with God’s word. Simply hearing the words of scripture repeated through your own ears is an effective way to affirm your trust in God’s goodness and to renew your mind with truth.

While we’re traditionally taught to bring our requests to God, I’ve found much more peace by simply acknowledging that God is my provider and already knows what I need.

What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. (Matthew 6:31–33, MSG)

“Effective” prayer, for me, if I can be so bold as to use that word, consists more in my thoughts about who God is than in reciting a list of my worries, needs, and wants. In this way, I can move through my day in confidence that He’s ahead of me and preparing all that I need.

Keep it simple

Even Jesus warned about making prayer complicated by listening to the wrong advice:

The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They’re full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. Don’t fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply. (6:7–8, MSG)

Brother Lawrence (1611–1691) lived a life of simplicity. Even in his day, he found that advice from others was making his prayer life and desire to abide in Christ too complicated. I find this amusing considering how we are drowning in spiritual advice in the 21st century. Nevertheless, I think his struggle is timeless and his cure ageless:

If the books and methods and formulas confuse you, toss them out and let God lead you in an organic method that works for you.

Thanksgiving

Meditating on our blessings and practicing gratitude isn’t a trendy idea, it’s biblical instruction.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6–7, NIV)

Some like to use a journal to list several things they are grateful for to prime their mind toward gratitude. Try to be as specific as possible for, as Buttrick says, when we’re “thankful for everything” we may end up being “thankful for nothing.” Buttrick urges us to “probe deep” and find hidden mercies among the trials of this life.

I venture to say that if a novice were to start with Thanksgiving as prayer, they’d be well served and pleasing in God’s sight.

Almost all religions recognize that if we don’t start with gratitude, we really don’t understand the Creator at all.

Our religion is all about thanking the Creator. That’s what we do when we pray. We don’t ask Him for things. We thank Him. We thank Him for the world and every animal and plant in it. We thank Him for everything that exists. — Leon Shenandoah, former “Tadodaho” of the Grand Council of the Six Nations Iroquois Confederacy.

Prayer is a discipline

You can’t hoard prayer. Like brushing your teeth and feeding your body, it must be repeated daily for a healthy spiritual life. Henri Nouwen goes so far as to say that a “spiritual life without discipline is impossible.”

Each day we wake up and the world presses in on us, or as C. S. Lewis would say,

“All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply on shoving them all back; in listening to that other point of view, letting the other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in.”

Our prayer life will fluctuate depending on our physical, mental, and emotional states. We’re just human and it’s okay to accept that.

Evelyn Underhill urges us to accept where we are each day, whether we are “mentally dull” one day or “emotionally flat” the next. On such occasions, she says, “it is notoriously useless to try to beat ourselves up to a froth; to make ourselves think more deeply or care more intensely.”

My husband has a saying he lays on me when I’m frothing myself up or twisting myself in knots: “It is what it is.” As a perfectionist, I very much have despised that saying over the years but there is much wisdom in it.

What matters to God about prayer, according to Underhill, is our will:

“The determined fixing of our will upon God, and the pressing toward Him steadily and without deflecting; this is the very center and the art of prayer.”

Finish with Amen

Finally, I think all advocates and teachers on prayer agree on how we should end our formal time in prayer: In Jesus’ name, Amen.

And although we’ve done it thousands of times, this closing word, amen, is all but trite, religious, or void of sincerity. It means “so let it be” and that solidifies our desire and resolve, as Buttrick says, to “live in the direction of our prayers” and bring ourselves under the Power and Presence of God as we go about the dailiness of life.

In summary

While I agree with Brother Lawrence that prayer should not be formalized, I also agree with the other Christian teachers, like Buttrick, who teach that prayer must be a discipline. How else do you get to know someone besides spending time with them, talking, listening, until you are comfortable even in silence together?

Prayer is nothing else but an ascending or getting up of the desire of the heart into God by withdrawing it from earthly thoughts. — Walter Hinton

And let’s not forget the example of Jesus, the author, and finisher, of our faith. Jesus regularly sought out time to be alone with the Father and encouraged His disciples to get away from the crowds on a regular basis.

For me, this indicates that not only is prayer a necessary discipline for a powerful and peaceful life but that it begins with solitude as the priority. That brings us full circle again: make prayer a discipline but don’t be rigid in your day-to-day experience and expression with prayer.

And finally, if you’re feeling frustrated with your prayer life, remember God is pleased with any effort or movement we make toward Him.

I’ll leave you with a thought my friend once shared with me:

Think of all the billions of people who wake up every day and give not one thought toward God. The fact that you return day after day and seek to know Him, pleases Him immensely.

“Prayer is listening as well as speaking, receiving as well as asking; and its deepest mood is friendship held in reverence.” — Buttrick

If the busyness and noise of life have gotten in your way of speaking to and hearing from God, maybe it’s time for a reset. I’ve got more ideas on how to simplify your life so you can hear God’s voice and rest in His presence here.