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me I’m being ridiculous as he storms into his office.</p><p id="8d65">Joseph begins swearing and tells me that I can rip out whatever I want because he’s not dividing things up for housewares he didn’t want. That’s always his MO when something goes wrong; he insists that he didn’t want it in the first place. I reply, “I’ll totally take that swank showerhead! And you <i>did</i> want it because you were adamant you wanted a rain shower.”</p><p id="d4d3">He continues yelling, “Take the tub! Go ahead! Rip it out! <i>Take it!</i>” he yells at me in his threatening manner, like You-Better-Fucking-Take-It-Or-Else. “Obviously I’m not doing that… the tub would break if it were removed,” I reply calmly.</p><p id="e0e3">“I’m the one who wanted the fancy chandelier in the dining room. I’m going to pay to have it removed but I’m going to replace it with something much cheaper but actually functional since the pretty one was useless anyway. That was on me for buying it.” I explain. “Don’t bother!” Joseph yells back, telling me that he doesn’t care if there’s no light in the dining room.</p><p id="aaa6">I keep repeating, “There’s no need to yell about this. This is the stuff I wanted to sit down and talk about, all I wanted was for you to tell me when we could sit down and discuss this.” He continues berating me, agitated, yelling that I’m “being unreasonable.”</p><p id="2c91">“I think you’re being unreasonable too. It goes both ways. That’s why I wanted us to sit down and look things over. It’s ridiculous that I paid for half the things in this house and then I’ll be paying for 100% of the inevitable home repairs in the decrepit shack I’ll move to. I shouldn’t be paying for the majority of things between two homes.”</p><p id="c846">Joseph yells at me that that’s my fault because <a href="https://readmedium.com/its-divorce-time-muthafuckas-e772ce147bf7">I wanted the divorce in the first place</a>.</p><p id="65f9">“I was even generous by taking money out because I thought you weren’t getting enough! But now you’re changing the deal!” Joseph continues. “Now, I’m not going to do anything!”</p><p id="c1f1">I point out that he reneged on our original deals twice and that the amount he’s forking over for goodwill will then cover my half of the renovation upgrades. “Don’t call it a big sacrifice if you’re paying me back for the things I bought,” I tell him. “I just wanted to sit down, calmly, to discuss this and come up with compromises. Why is it every time I try to stand up for myself, you get agitated and it becomes drama?”</p><p id="22d3">Joseph yells, “<i>Fine, then let’s just sell the house!</i>”. I tell hi

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m that I’m okay doing that. “Yeah and ruin the kids’ lives” he retorts.</p><p id="6cf0">That’s what <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-didnt-think-this-would-happen-in-divorce-5c13b7168972">this divorce comes down to</a>: I’m to blame because I want the divorce (<i>as opposed to his contribution to making this an untenable marriage</i>) and that unless the kids are living in a 4000 sq ft house, their lives are destroyed.</p><p id="ddd4">Since having this argument, I’ve chilled out on the subject. Mostly because I have nothing left in me to be angry about. Maybe I’ll be angry all over again whenever I move out and have to deal with spending money once more on household items. But for now, I don’t care.</p><p id="4e5a">I just want out. Even if that means <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-many-ways-can-i-get-screwed-in-this-divorce-8a9a70391169">I lose thousands of dollars</a> in the process.</p><div id="a111" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/sharing-your-authentic-self-with-another-7ce902f8c7bd"> <div> <div> <h2>Sharing Your Authentic Self with Another</h2> <div><h3>It’s effing terrifying</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*L1uRgFV_dWUr6HYP)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="6cd8" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/dear-men-what-women-want-703a9a5666cf"> <div> <div> <h2>Dear Men: What Women Want</h2> <div><h3>It boils down to this</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*Dj8TNKlPyriiw6Di)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="5fe2" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/youre-the-cause-of-their-heartache-9ec19b3c1f82"> <div> <div> <h2>You’re the Cause of Their Heartache</h2> <div><h3>Can I take the pain away without sacrificing my needs?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*4N8aKHB7_mRTl8z3)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

When I’m the Crazy One in This Divorce

Just a day in the life of living with your soon-to-be ex-husband

When you’re not worrying about children in a divorce, you’re panicking about money.

In my divorce, I don’t get any of Joseph’s inheritance. If I had known that, I would have told him not to put it towards our house and instead, put it in another account and he can keep buying garbage toys to fuel his hoarding addiction.

That wouldn’t be so bad if Joseph hadn’t stopped putting money in his 401k. While I don’t get any of his inheritance, he gets half of my retirement. I’m all for the splitting of retirement funds if one person is a stay-at-home parent. But he and I both work full-time. He’s also five years older; that’s five extra years in the workforce to fund his 401k.

When I realized the math of how I’m getting fucked, I went off the rails. This house was gutted and renovated. I contributed to the expensive faucets and the appliances. And yet, I’ll be moving into a piece of garbage home with 1960s showerheads. Fuck that.

I send Joseph a text telling him we’re dividing up everything that went into this house after we bought it. It’s a crazy move, but I don’t care. It’s bullshit that I paid for half of the new things in this house and will have to pay entirely for anything in a new house.

I’m in the kitchen, preparing food while the kids are eating. I mention the text and Joseph says he never saw it. He says that he thought it was a no-brainer (while we cryptically speak with the kids in the kitchen) and asked for an example. I mention the brand new dishwasher.

Joseph flips his shit.

He tells me I’m being ridiculous. I point out that the house valuation was based on the original house listing; he can go to Redfin and see what they think the price is without factoring in that a home renovation will bring up the price. Let alone the extra $100k we would easily get if we put the house on the market. He tells me I’m being ridiculous as he storms into his office.

Joseph begins swearing and tells me that I can rip out whatever I want because he’s not dividing things up for housewares he didn’t want. That’s always his MO when something goes wrong; he insists that he didn’t want it in the first place. I reply, “I’ll totally take that swank showerhead! And you did want it because you were adamant you wanted a rain shower.”

He continues yelling, “Take the tub! Go ahead! Rip it out! Take it!” he yells at me in his threatening manner, like You-Better-Fucking-Take-It-Or-Else. “Obviously I’m not doing that… the tub would break if it were removed,” I reply calmly.

“I’m the one who wanted the fancy chandelier in the dining room. I’m going to pay to have it removed but I’m going to replace it with something much cheaper but actually functional since the pretty one was useless anyway. That was on me for buying it.” I explain. “Don’t bother!” Joseph yells back, telling me that he doesn’t care if there’s no light in the dining room.

I keep repeating, “There’s no need to yell about this. This is the stuff I wanted to sit down and talk about, all I wanted was for you to tell me when we could sit down and discuss this.” He continues berating me, agitated, yelling that I’m “being unreasonable.”

“I think you’re being unreasonable too. It goes both ways. That’s why I wanted us to sit down and look things over. It’s ridiculous that I paid for half the things in this house and then I’ll be paying for 100% of the inevitable home repairs in the decrepit shack I’ll move to. I shouldn’t be paying for the majority of things between two homes.”

Joseph yells at me that that’s my fault because I wanted the divorce in the first place.

“I was even generous by taking money out because I thought you weren’t getting enough! But now you’re changing the deal!” Joseph continues. “Now, I’m not going to do anything!”

I point out that he reneged on our original deals twice and that the amount he’s forking over for goodwill will then cover my half of the renovation upgrades. “Don’t call it a big sacrifice if you’re paying me back for the things I bought,” I tell him. “I just wanted to sit down, calmly, to discuss this and come up with compromises. Why is it every time I try to stand up for myself, you get agitated and it becomes drama?”

Joseph yells, “Fine, then let’s just sell the house!”. I tell him that I’m okay doing that. “Yeah and ruin the kids’ lives” he retorts.

That’s what this divorce comes down to: I’m to blame because I want the divorce (as opposed to his contribution to making this an untenable marriage) and that unless the kids are living in a 4000 sq ft house, their lives are destroyed.

Since having this argument, I’ve chilled out on the subject. Mostly because I have nothing left in me to be angry about. Maybe I’ll be angry all over again whenever I move out and have to deal with spending money once more on household items. But for now, I don’t care.