When God’s Grace Is Greater Than Even Your Bad Parenting

I’m so grateful it’s greater than mine!

The other morning before school, I was talking to my younger daughter about how I can see the Spirit of God working in her heart and life. She accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior when she was six years old. She’s ten now.

“You used to be such an angry little thing, even when you were a baby,” I told her. “You got mad and threw a little temper tantrum over everything, and it only got worse as you got older … until you met Jesus. Since then, I can see a real change in your attitude. A Spirit-filled change.”

She smiled and said, “I remember when I was really little, and we were at the Chinese restaurant. You took me outside to the car because I was throwing a fit.”

I nodded. “Yes, I remember that too.”

But then she told me something I didn’t remember.

“And you said that Jesus was disappointed in me, and I thought, ‘Who’s Jesus?’ And I wanted to find out. I wanted to know more.”

I frowned. “I said that?” But because she was going to be late for school, I didn’t explore it further. “Well, I’m glad you found out who Jesus is. Because it’s very clear you did.”

She smiled. “I love you, Mommy.”

“I love you too.”

We hugged, and she went off to school.

Her words stayed with me

‘Jesus is disappointed in you.’

I don’t remember ever saying any such thing to her. I remember hearing my mother saying that to her much more recently. It’s the sort of thing my mother says all the time. She’s said plenty of things like that to me over the years, as well.

I can’t remember those words ever coming out of my mouth, but I’m not so arrogant as to believe that they couldn’t come out of my mouth. And my daughter remembers it that way, so that has to count for something.

I remember the day it happened

It was after church one Sunday. I was tired and hungry. I guess she was too. We were trying to get something to eat, but she apparently wasn’t enjoying the length of time we were sitting there, or the food or something.

So, she screamed and fussed and kicked. I asked her to stop. I told her to stop. She didn’t. I told her that if she didn’t stop having her little fit, I was going to pick her up and carry her out of that restaurant in front of everybody.

The fit continued, so I had to make good on my promise.

Then, not only was I still tired and only a little less hungry, but I was thoroughly embarrassed and feeling like pretty much the worst mother in the world. It’s not hard for me to believe that in my frustration and embarrassment — my hurt pride — I said some pretty awful things.

Like, “Jesus is disappointed in you.”

That statement, by the way, (in case you didn’t know) is never true. More on that later.

But God worked through my moment of weakness

Even in that moment of weakness and untruth, however, God was working. That’s clear by my daughter’s admission that she wanted to know more about this Jesus person I mentioned, albeit REALLY wrongly.

That’s grace at work.

God gave me much better fruit than I deserved from those ill-spoken words. He captured the mind and heart of my little girl.

As I pondered the wonder of that while my daughter was at school, I couldn’t stop the tears. Only God could do something so amazing!

Still, I had some explaining to do

That afternoon when she got home from school, I took my daughter aside and said, “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

She said, “Sure, Mommy. What is it?”

“You know how, this morning, you said you remembered how I told you when you were little that Jesus was disappointed in you?”

She nodded. “Yes, and I thought, ‘Who’s Jesus?’.”

I smiled. Grace again! “Right. Well, it was wrong of Mommy to say that to you. Jesus is never disappointed in you because disappointment comes from unmet expectations. But, see, Jesus already knows everything. You’re never going to catch Him by surprise. You’re never going to do something He didn’t see coming. You’re never not going to do something He didn’t already know you weren’t going to do. He’s never disappointed in you. Mommy was disappointed in you that day at the restaurant, but Jesus wasn’t. I shouldn’t have tried to make you think He was, and I’m sorry. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Now, when we sin, like when Mommy told you something that wasn’t true that day, we do make Jesus sad. That’s why we ask for forgiveness and ask Him to help us do better. I’ve already asked for His forgiveness, and now I’m asking for yours.”

She hugged me. “I forgive you, Mommy.”

Tears filled my eyes as I whispered into her hair, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Mercy and grace in action.

God showed grace to my daughter in spite of me, and then He poured that grace out through her onto me years later.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8, NIV)

My daughter’s not the same, but neither am I

It hurts to think that I may have said something so cruel and so false to one of the people I love most in the world. It hurts a lot.

But I’ve been forgiven.

And, in addition to forgiving me (as if that weren’t enough), God has shown me that He’s turned those ill-spoken words around for good.

Eternal good, for His glory, in the life of my little girl.

That stupidly hurtful comment wasn’t the first mistake I made as a parent, and it certainly wasn’t the last. But now I know for a fact that God’s love and grace truly can cover over any and every mistake I make.

His grace is greater than my bad parenting … and it’s greater than yours too.

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