Civil Discourse

When Did It Become OK to Wish Death Upon Others?

We all share responsibility for the collective negativity

“I know it’s sappy, but I bet there’s a market for civility and niceness out there that, while probably not as titillating as a junkyard scrap between shirtless adversaries, it’d sure be healthier.”

— Steven Weber, actor and comedian

“You deserve to die.” “You voted for him so I hope you rot in hell.” “You are murdering children.” “I hope your family dies.”

These are actual social media posts I have read over the past few years. These weren’t directed at me but like everyone, I have received my fair share of nasty comments.

I have an equal number of friends across the political spectrum who quit social media because they felt threatened and unsettled by the lack of civil discourse.

What entitles someone to publicly wish death upon another person?

They feel empowered because they sit safely behind their computer.

Hateful Thoughts Made Public

I was with a friend last year discussing the collapse of civil discourse.

She was a lawyer. One of her manager’s offered advice as they discussed a sensitive public case:

“Don’t ever say anything that you wouldn’t want published on the front page of The Wall Street Journal.”

We have only had email since the late 80s and social media since 2004 with the advent of Facebook. Before this time opinions were posted in newspapers and discussions happened face-to-face.

While technology has many great benefits and was designed to strengthen community, it has often had the opposite effect as irrational emotions go unchecked and hateful words spew out toward people we don’t even know.

There has been some accountability but this has been coupled with extensive censorship suppressing opinions operating under the guise of protecting freedom of expression that go against personal, corporate, or political positions.

Considering whether you want your hateful posts to be on the front cover of a newspaper is a good check-and-balance. Our dark thoughts used to be restricted to the craziness in our own heads. Technology has now allowed that malignant ooze to spread out unchecked into the world.

We lost the filters that prevented us from speaking harmful words that we don’t actually mean but only shout out in the moment.

Grandma Is Watching

While the situation has become unbearable over the last few years, online communication has been a problem from the beginning.

Microsoft implemented a delay-send feature in their email decades ago. I managed thousands of people over my time in corporate and a few people could not control their emotions.

It was common practice for employees to implement a 15-minute delay-send on all of their emails so that as they stormed away from their computer to grab another coffee and donut, it gave them some time to reflect.

All email programs now offer this service. But this isn’t the case on social media.

Google has been working with schools for the last ten years to assist children in managing their social media. Charlotte Smith, a Google representative, said to a middle school class back in 2017:

“You know, sometimes it’s easy to just say something on Facebook or social media. We always like to say, don’t post anything you wouldn’t want your grandmother to see.”

I luckily grew up before the advent of the internet and technology. I spent 23 years in tech so I know the pitfalls at a personal and corporate level. But those who grew up in an unfiltered, unchecked world of tech interaction, aren’t aware of a world where we were forced to interact with each other.

Even now with so many digital nomads and remote workers, we have less and less personal interaction in our working lives.

It is easy to be nasty to each other when we don’t consider the humanity at the other end of the post.

And this sickness has spread to university campuses.

The Chicago Principles

While universities have been positive centers of social change over the years, what is unfolding on campuses across the country now is unprecedented. Students feel empowered within the safety of their tribe to shut down alternative perspectives and threaten others who don’t align with their belief systems.

My alma mater, Stanford, has been in the news often over the past few years for its suppression of free speech, most recently for students forcing a visiting law professor off the stage which became an embarrassment for the school.

The recent Palestine-Israel war has divided campuses across the nation and led to the ouster of multiple presidents including Claudine Gay from Harvard University.

But while the loudest tend to grab the headlines, there are positive actors in the world who work to bring solutions.

In 2014, President Robert Zimmer and Provost Eric Isaacs from the University of Chicago appointed a committee of University faculty to articulate “the University’s overarching commitment to free, robust, and uninhibited debate.”

The resulting Chicago Principles, often called the Chicago Statement, have since been adopted by universities and colleges across the country. There have been recent calls for others to sign on to these principles to encourage an environment of open dialogue and free speech.

Stanford and Harvard have not adopted the principles. Perhaps they feel they are above the fray. Which is probably why they are at the center of the problems.

Every Tweet Is a Bullet

We don’t like to think that we are part of the problem. While I have never wished death upon someone or their family, I know there are times when I am frustrated and may be antagonistic. I usually end up apologizing for my idiocy but I need to be cognizant of the ripple effect of my actions.

I believe we are all responsible for the hate. We need to acknowledge that our perceived innocuous comments on social media are fueling the problem.

Every tweet is a bullet. Most posts do not bring solutions and resolutions, only denigration and humiliation of others.

Believing we are part of the problem is a tough pill to swallow. We don’t like to compare ourselves to those calling for harm and violence.

But our collective negativity creates an environment that allows these extreme views to perpetuate.

There is a cavernous difference between telling someone I hope your family dies and I appreciate your frustration but I have a different view.

We all know this. We just need to stop.

And if you aren’t sure, just talk to Grandma.

These are some of the articles referenced in the story above if you wish to explore this topic further: