When Chronic Overthinking Leads to Anxiety
How to exchange fear for peace.
Chronic overthinking has become a common issue. With more information than we can process available at all times, we feel pressure to become experts before we can make a decision. Looking for certainty can leave us paralyzed with anxiety.
In his article, Want to Feel Less Anxious? Give Up Some Control, David H. Rosmarin gives some great advice about reframing anxious thoughts by acknowledging our lack of control. Here is one of my favorite lines:
“Giving up control also involves accepting that uncertainty is a part of life. The reality is that we don’t know very much, and we definitely cannot predict the future. Embracing our lack of knowledge and making a ‘best guess’ is far more empowering than needing certainty to make decisions.”
There is a lot to unpack in that quote. It made me think about the constant indecisiveness I’m currently experiencing. At the time of this writing, we are all living through a pandemic. The information we are receiving is contradictory, the daily decisions — overwhelming. He’s right, I don’t know very much, and I cannot predict the future.
Is it safe for the kids to go back to school? See a few select friends? Hug someone briefly? I don’t know.
If we catch the virus, will our bodies easily overcome it without developing chronic symptoms? I wish I knew.
If we stay inside to be safe, will our mental health remain stable? I just can’t be sure.
How can I make decisions for myself and my children when such serious consequences are on the line and I have no way of knowing the future?
According to Dr. Rosmarin, admitting that I cannot control the outcome of this situation should help. So here goes.
I cannot control the outcome of this situation.
Deep breaths. Letting go of control.
What Can I Control?
He’s not the only one suggesting that acknowledging a lack of control can move us toward peace. In his article Stoicism: A Guide to Living Peacefully, Patrik Edblad advises us:
“Always identify, and care exclusively about, what is inside your control. What you’ll find when you start doing this is that very few things are within your control.”
If you are interested in changing your thought patterns to find more peace, Patrick’s article is well worth your time. He shared this powerful quote from Epictetus, a Roman philosopher.
‘There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.’
All of this relates to a type of therapy called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). According to Patrik Edblad, this modern therapy was inspired by the Stoic philosophers and has now been thoroughly researched using modern science. It’s the best of both worlds.
Wondering what CBT is? According to the American Psychological Association:
“Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a form of psychological treatment…based on several core principles, including:
- Psychological problems are based, in part, on faulty or unhelpful ways of thinking.
- Psychological problems are based, in part, on learned patterns of unhelpful behavior.
- People suffering from psychological problems can learn better ways of coping with them, thereby relieving their symptoms and becoming more effective in their lives.”
The goal of CBT is to identify and change unhealthy patterns of thinking and behavior. Sounds great, right? I’m ready to get started!
Dr. David H. Rosmarin gave several examples of CBT methods that are sometimes encouraged during therapy, including this gem:
“…worrywarts are encouraged to write out their worst fears in exquisite detail.”
Oh, really? Well, if you say so, David. Here goes.
My Worst Fears
My worst fear is that my children will catch this virus and be compromised physically for the rest of their lives.
My worst fear is that my children will be impacted emotionally and struggle to overcome the damage that happens during the pandemic.
My worst fear is that my chronic health issues will incur further damage, impacting my ability to care for my family and enjoy life. Permanently.
My worst fear is that the forthcoming vaccine will cause more damage than it does good.
My worst fear is that this will become a permanent reality for the rest of our lives.
My worst fear is that one of these things will occur, and it will happen because I made the wrong choice about wearing a mask, allowing my kids to socialize (or preventing them from socializing), or any other decision that I am faced with daily. My worst fear is that it will be my fault.
What Happens Next?
I’ve acknowledged that I’m not in control, and I’ve written out my worst fears. I guess I will take the doctor’s advice to embrace my lack of knowledge and just make my best guess. I will never be an expert on preventing this virus or predicting the future. Instead, I will focus on the things I CAN control and accept whatever comes next.
I’ll leave you with one last quote from Theodore Roosevelt.
In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.
Now it’s your turn. I shared my worst fears and acknowledged that they are outside of my control. Let’s hear your worst fears. Leave them in the comments or write them in your journal. Just get them out and acknowledge that some things in life are beyond our ability to control. Turn your focus to what you can control. Then let me know if it helped!