FROM THE MASTER CLASS OF RELATIONSHIP ARTICLES, BY JULIUS L. EVANS
When Black Men Date White Women
Love Is Like a Toddler. Innocent and Clueless of Color
It’s no secret that people are more open-minded to dating out-of-race more today than ever before. Many articles have been written on the subject and many more will be written in the future. In fact, I published one just the other day.
You can read it here. When Black Women Date White Men. Interracial Dating and Marriages are… | by Julius Evans | ILLUMINATION-Curated | Mar, 2022 | Medium
More interestingly was the number of comments I received when I published it. The outpour was fast and furious. Many women said I was trying to start a controversy. But that’s not the case. I’m just spitting facts. Interracial dating is a common occurrence.
Women were invited to submit their opinion on a topic that seems to make their hair curl. That topic being black men dating white women. There were no takers to this opinion poll many years ago, but many women frequently voice their opinion when they see a black man dating out-of-race.
What I did learn is that women often neglect to go to the source of the issue: the black man. The most common phrase I heard in reference to ‘us’ dating ‘them’ is that once ‘we’ become successful, we chase that ‘token’ and aren’t satisfied until we have one. Sound familiar? Have you ever said this or heard one of your girls say it? If so, then there may be some truth to this line of thinking.
Hearing comments similar to those, to me, are comparable to falling off my mountain bike and skinning both my knees, my forearm and cracking my helmet. Nothing irritates me more. But this isn’t about me and my thoughts. It’s about what all of you think. Before I express how a large number of men feel about white women, (at least the men I spoke with), let me once again invite comments from the readers. I would enjoy entertaining your thoughts on the topic.
Quite the opposite of why black women say they date out of race, in an overwhelming number of cases, ‘we’ don’t go looking for an out-of-race encounter because we’re fed up with black women. Seven times out of 10, men admit that the relationships they became involved in with a white woman was because the relationship kind of just happened.
“It came easily,” said Rob, a group therapist from Starkville, MS. “I’m not saying the intimate encounter was easy, but the relationship sort of developed out of thin air. She liked me and I liked her. We were able to see past the color barrier immediately. It was never a factor.”
There are many factors men take into consideration before embarking on a relationship with a woman of another race.
“Coming from Mississippi, color was an issue,” Rob explained. “The first thing I told myself once I realized we were developing an attraction for one another was that I could never take her home to mom.”
After a three-year relationship, Rob and Julie parted ways primarily for the reason he mentioned earlier. “I was concerned with what other people would think, let alone my family. That I wasn’t going to take her home was a no-brainer. Wasn’t gonna happen.” He went on to explain that the relationship was good. “We had our ups and downs like every other couple, but stepping into a more permanent situation was pretty much out of the question. But I do want to point out that we lasted longer than a lot of married couples do.”
Rob’s situation may or may not be representative of many relationships that last a fair amount of time then ends for whatever reason, but people on the outside looking in may need to realize that all isn’t what it always seems.
The statement, “When black men become wealthy, they date white women” shouldn’t be made lightly. The media certainly plays a part in perpetuating this perception merely by catching an athlete on film with his wife — who happens to be white — never mind the fact that the couple is deeply in love.
We see this practically every day. Even when a mixed couple dines out for lunch or a dinner date, that little voice in your head says, “hmmmm, I wonder if they are dating.” When you hear that voice beginning to make you wonder, ask yourself, “Does it matter?”
Dating between races is here, it’s going to stay here and you’re going to see it no matter where you go, so you might as well get used to it. Some people exert a lot of energy trying to figure out why others do what they do instead of being happy someone found a partner with which they are pleased. For all we know, that may or may not be the case either, but tending to one’s own affairs has a higher probability of success than minding someone else’s business.
About the Author
Julius Evans is a 2X Top Writer on Medium in Writing and Music. He has a Master of Arts degree in National Security and Strategic Studies from the U.S. Naval War College, Newport, RI; a Master of Arts degree in Strategic Communication and Leadership from Seton Hall University, South Orange, NJ; a Bachelor of Science degree in Mass Communication and Journalism from City University, Bellevue, WA, and an Associate of Arts Degree in Liberal Studies from Central Texas College, Killeen, Texas. He is a 1985 graduate of the Defense Information School (DINFOS) of Print and Electronic Journalism and Advanced Public Affairs. DINFOS was relocated from Fort Benjamin Harrison, Indianapolis, IN, to its current location at Fort George Meade, MD.
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