From the Master Class of Relationship Articles, by Julius L. Evans
When Black Women Date White Men
Interracial Dating and Marriages are Here to Stay, even with the Challenges Mixed Couples Face Historically and Today
They say white men are more affectionate. They say they are more attentive to their needs. These statements make some people wonder why African American women are making a transition to men of the opposite race. I’ve had the opportunity to speak with several women who are very vocal about the transition. That’s why this is important information with which we all should become familiar.
How many times have you looked at an interracial couple and wondered, “Why are they together?” Friends have said, “When I see a beautiful black woman with a white man, I wonder, why on Earth would she be with that guy?”
Every woman with whom I have spoken has similar reasons for dating white men. Many expressed that black males in one way or another play a role in their decision to ‘try’ the other races.
Deborah from South Carolina said the only reason she dated a white guy was because he was attracted to her. “One day, he told me the only reason I refused to date him was because he is white,” Deborah explained. After thinking about what he said, she realized he was right. Their relationship lasted only a short period of time, but during those four months, Deborah felt extreme pressure from black males. They told her she was a disgrace. They asked if she felt she was too good for them? On the contrary, she only received a little pressure from black females. They were more understanding.
“I was actually scared to be in public places with my white friend,” Deborah said. She went on to say, “If we were holding hands and were approached by a group of black men, I would drop his hand for fear of their reaction. I hated the facial expressions and stares people would make when they saw us together. But when we were alone, it was like being in paradise.
“After we stopped dating, I was saddened because he was a good man, but by the same token, I could breathe a sigh of relief because I could walk the streets in peace,” she said.
What I have gathered during my short research project is some black women would continue dating white men if it weren’t for the pressure they receive from society. This is not to say white men are their perfect mates, they too have character flaws, but when everything is going fine, black women say they would consider staying in the relationship.
Brenda from Macon, GA, said none of the black men in town will date her now because she has dated a white man in the past. Because they went to several job functions together and to predominantly black functions together, she has effectively been ‘black-balled.”
Interestingly though, Brenda said her white friend helped her experience the most fulfilling relationship she has ever had. She also admits, though, that she has only had one relationship with a black male previously.
Ayanna from New York stated that she doesn’t specifically look for guys of another race, but tries to treat everyone as individuals and if something develops, she is open to what may happen.
I asked Jaja, a black woman who lives in Connecticut with her husband of more than 20 years if they faced any challenges in their marriage because of the cross-ethnicities?
“Hell no. There were no challenges at all when it comes to our cross-ethnicities. When we talk about race … it’s never about us. It’s just a topic like any other topic we talk about. Even my children don’t feel it … even though they go to a predominantly white school. They have no stigma,” she said.
On the other hand, marriage itself hasn’t been a bed of roses. “Perceptions are darkest with black men who have problems with me married to a white man. Years ago, when my husband would take the train with me to the Bronx … all the black people would stare him down like he didn’t belong in their neighborhood. It was so uncomfortable for both of us.
It’s rather eye-opening to listen to women who date outside of their race and the reasons they do. There may not be a movement afoot in which black women are involved and that black males should be aware of. I am here to say, Black Wives Matter. But it may be interesting to learn why those in your social circles choose to leave their roots behind in search of happiness.
About the Author
Julius Evans is a 2X Top Writer on Medium in Writing and Music. He has a Master of Arts degree in National Security and Strategic Studies from the U.S. Naval War College, Newport, RI; a Master of Arts degree in Strategic Communication and Leadership from Seton Hall University, South Orange, NJ; a Bachelor of Science degree in Mass Communication and Journalism from City University, Bellevue, WA, and an Associate of Arts Degree in Liberal Studies from Central Texas College, Killeen, Texas. He is a 1985 graduate of the Defense Information School (DINFOS) of Print and Electronic Journalism and Advanced Public Affairs. DINFOS was relocated from Fort Benjamin Harrison, Indianapolis, IN, to its current location at Fort George Meade, MD.
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