Living Your Life Purposefully
When and Why Friendships End
When a relationship has served its one-sided purpose and you must let go
Yesterday I ended a work friendship forever.
There will be no further interaction.
It is finished!
I met this person when I began working here in 2016.
No one there got along with her — should have been clue #1
But in an effort of giving everyone a fair chance, I do not take sides.
I give a fair chance to make my own assessments.
The ‘work friendship’ developed slowly. She would ask me to come in 30 minutes earlier so that she can go off to her second job. No one else at the current job would do it, she had burned all her bridges, so she grabs onto the new person.
This went on for a few years, the other employees were always telling me not to help her, but I ignored them.
There is a rabid past with others on the job as she likes to be the head one in charge of others — she must be the one running the show.
I cannot be bullied, but she constantly tries to assert herself.
We have butted heads a few times, she sulks but eventually comes around because she needs me so she has to concede.
This lady has had two full-time nurse jobs since 2016 as far as I know. Then three years now she has added a third one. One day job and two overnight night jobs.
That is three full-time jobs.
At the current employer, we share she primarily works on the weekend days and on Monday nights.
The second nursing job she works is Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights. So each weekend day she presents to work she is tired. I often do the heavy workload as a way to help her out (not because I am stupid, I wanted to help her out).
What she was apparently seeing was a fool!
I know that I was being used, but I allowed it because I knew that she is older and I wanted to assist her in any way so she could make some money.
But many acts of kindness never seem to end well. You always seem to get taken. And the ones(s) you endeavor to help will use your kindness as a weakness against you.
I discussed with her the possibility of going off to do travel nursing, it would give me a chance to make some money and get further in my quest toward being completely financially independent.
All she saw was that her workhorse was leaving — she couldn't have that!
I would pay off my debts and just be left with maintenance like taxes and insurance.
Now, remember I always work with her as a partner and she depends on me as she needs to rest on the day shifts because she cannot rest on her night job because of too many cameras.
So I often take on most of the work allowing her to rest. She falls asleep mid-conversation and at the desk.
This all began 1.5 weeks ago when she called me with a job offer, one, of course, that would benefit her. I told her (as a friend) I did not intend to pursue that as a second job because I was deciding if I should go do some traveling nursing.
Later that same day, my manager came and sat on my desk, and in casual conversation, she mentioned that one of the neurosurgeons was seeking nurses for his office. I said nothing. She continued speaking, saying the doctor told her all the nurses have gone traveling and that they were shooting themselves in the foot as there would be no jobs when they returned.
She went on to tell me that any nurses that leave cannot return (bullying much?)
My boss is financially well off, but her only concern is to have her shifts covered, so she is a passive-aggressive punisher.
Still, I said nothing.
But I was wondering why she was having this particular monologue at this particular time when I had just spoken to a ‘friend’ this morning and had also specifically asked said friend not to say anything to our boss.
I felt betrayed, but I said nothing — this happened on Thursday.
The following Sunday I worked with the ‘friend’, so at some point, I relayed what had happened and I asked her why did you speak to the boss when I specifically asked her not to.
Her defensive answer was that she did not call any specific names.
Since I am the only person who actually has a ‘friendship’ with her, I asked her how hard is it for the boss to deduce this information?
Instead of soothing the issue, her hackles rose as they always do and so I left her to it.
Yesterday, one week later, we arrive at work and she gives me the cold shoulder. Usually, she calls and texts me all the time and we speak usually about her life problems. She always needs someone to vent to.
At all three jobs, she has issues getting along as she likes everything to be done her way.
Yesterday she finally confronts me claiming I said certain things to other employees about her. I asked what specific things and she said she would not tell me.
I do not engage in gossiping. It did not interest me as a young girl, much less now when there is so much happening in life.
This is a person I have gone out of my way to help, and the betrayal is glaring.
She said some harsh things yesterday even called me a “f****** jackass”!
She is correct as I have let her ride me albeit with my eyes open because I wanted to help her.
Lesson learned
This from a woman 66 years old, many years my senior.
Such language!
I have been her counselor, confidante, cheerleader, financial adviser, ride-or-die friend, and constant shoulder to cry on.
Energy vampires know how to find and feed off empaths.
Covering her sleeping every weekend because she was tired — now the bodyguard has retired.
I have cut her loose and the jack*** is no longer available for riding.
Until when and if I decide and leave for any reason, the riding lessons are over.
We will only speak when we have to concerning work, otherwise, I will no longer blow God's breath mindlessly her way.
Another lesson learned — “no good deed goes unpunished”!
I will not say I am done because I will surely try to help someone again, for this is who I am.
I will have to follow my intuition and cut off vampires sooner!
But I will always try to help others.
Pene Hodge is a mom, a nurse, a writer. She writes because she must. She loves people and is committed to sharing and gleaning knowledge for the betterment of all.