What’s the Best Thing That Happens When You Grow Old?

I don’t know why we keep this quiet

Do you remember when you were a teenager, and they forced you to go to school and sit in rows facing a blackboard?

You had to put your hand up to go to the toilet, and your teacher threw a duster at you if he caught you looking out the window.

Remember the angst of being last chosen to join the team. Or when the boy or girl you asked out said, “Not if you were the last person on earth.”

Sitting exams. All those nights poring over textbooks and then the nail-biting months waiting to see if you got a B or a C+. God forbid you got a D; your life wouldn’t be worth living.

What about acne? Oh, the agony of acne. Your spotty fizzog looking back at you from the mirror, the morning of your school disco.

“Mum, muuuuum! Where’s the acne cream?”

“It’s alright, Darling,” soothes mum, “that’s why they have discos in the dark.”

“Fuck sake, Mum, you’re not helping!”

“Don’t speak to your mum like that, Crater Face,” dad intervenes. “Just make sure you don’t stand under a light. You don’t want to frighten the other kids, do you?”

Let’s face it, being a teenager was crap.

You didn’t know diddly squat. You had to clean your room, eat your veg, be home by ten, take out the bins, and study Algebra — have you ever met anyone who can speak Algebrian?

Where’s This Going?

The older you get, the more you get your shit together and the less you have to worry about. What upset you, when you were young, doesn’t ruffle a hair on your head today — isn’t that the truth, Baldy?

You have this thing called ‘life experience,’ and it is the best educational tool in the known universe. It trumps textbooks, teachers, training schemes, tuition, and even Ted Talks.

Life is your testing ground. When you bump your head on something, you learn to duck. When you stub your toe on a table, you learn to wear thicker boots.

When you get caught in the rain, you learn to check the forecast or carry an umbrella. And if you still get caught in a shower, you know it’s only water and not the end of the world.

You know who your genuine friends are, the people you can rely on and the people to avoid. You know what food and drink you like and what makes you sick. You don’t have to go tasting new-fangled things — not unless you want to.

You understand the importance of exercise, eating healthy and wrapping up warm. You also know the people who peddle you all that life advice shit have only one vested interest — your money.

You have long since learned that your body is full of organs: kidneys, liver, brain. They process all the poisons the world throws at you. If you don’t give them a workout, now and again, they don’t build up any resistance.

All the stress and adversity you have experienced are what your body and mind need to build your strength of character.

It takes an experienced ear to know when people tell you what they think you want to hear. You have a gut instinct borne out of having seen it and done it.

With all your life experience, imagine if you could go back to your 12-year-old self and spend a day passing on all your wisdom. What would you say?

“Hey kid, life is full of people who will hurt you or let you down. Some will be nasty and kick you when your back is turned. You need those people in your life; without them, you won’t learn how tough you need to be to survive or why you shouldn’t be like them.”

“You should always be there for your friends and family. It’s the only way they will always be there for you. Don’t let little things ruin the big things, the important things.”

“When people talk to you, put your phone down, turn off the TV, pause the Playstation, turn to face them and listen — do this, and you will know what (and who) is truly important in your life.”

“You are not smart if you don’t try. Trying is worth more than all the brains of all the geniuses in all the world. Give yourself a pat on the back for failing — it means you tried. The more things you fail at, the greater a success you will be.”

“Keep most of your problems to yourself and share the good things. Create fun experiences for others — these will always bring you joy. Kindness brings its own rewards.”

Keep this quiet

You can’t pass your wisdom to your pre-teen self, but you can show those around you that growing old needn’t be a pain in the haemorrhoids. There is fun to be had. It starts with you.

You need to be the sunshine.

‘Say yes to every opportunity,’ is a good piece of advice. If you do this, you experience life to the full. You try more things, go more places, meet more people and have more fun.

But as you get older, you need to be the opportunity. You have had time to distil the good from the bad — so share those good things. Take your friends and family places. Make a point of going somewhere they have never been.

Stop and talk to the dog walker, the waiter, the bus driver, and the traffic warden. Show an interest. Smile, make a joke, keep a toffee in your pocket.

When bad things happen, delight in knowing you can suffer hurt, insomnia, hangovers, illness and taxes — because you have done it all before.

The Best Bit

When you are mature enough to know, the best thing about growing old is being the sunshine. Then you will have had an epiphany. You are the one who brings happiness to others.

You only need one life affirmation. It’s the only self-talk you require.

When you wake up in the morning, answer your phone, have the family over or meet with friends, tell yourself this one thing: “I am a ray of cloud-splitting sunshine.”

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