Relationships
What’s Sex Got To Do With It?
Real relationship maintenance is a full-time job.
Any person who’s been in a long-term relationship or marriage knows that the path to successfully syncing two people for the journey of sharing a life can be one of the most daunting journeys out there.
The work of any romantic relationship that has traveled extensively on the road trip of life is not for the faint-hearted. It can feel like the ultimate struggle at times to put the needs of another person above your own when you’re tired, fed up, burnt out, or simply want to be alone.
So, how does one bring a relationship back from the brink of monotony and stagnation? This has been an age-old question discussed and written about ad nauseam.
Sex, in all of its touted pleasure and magic, is only one aspect of a relationship. but couples are often advised that to refresh or repair their relationship, they need to improve their sex lives by doing different or more provocative sexual acts in the bedroom.
While experimenting with new forms of sex can help spruce up an already strong partnership, what about those relationships that are genuinely struggling on the brink of despair?
The day-to-day grind of maintaining a functional partnership with another human being is not for everyone — and outstanding sex can only do so much to band-aid a relationship that’s falling apart.
While sex is certainly the attention-grabbing red dress of what people like to think makes a relationship functional and long-lasting, it’s not the be-all and end-all in relationships.
Sure, a new sex position or a new sex toy might bring forth more orgasms or even a better sexual connection between two people, but if there are serious issues within the relationship in regards to trust, communication, or even infidelity, spicing things up may only be a temporary fix.
Perhaps what we should be telling couples is that we GET how hard they’re already working and give them some credit for trying their darndest to keep one another engaged and satisfied just on an emotional and intellectual level alone.
Maybe the act of accepting one another for who we are along with our inevitable flaws IS worth something.
Sex — or even love — alone is often not enough to maintain a long-term relationship or repair incompatibility issues.
Any person who has been in a very long relationship or marriage — especially while juggling jobs and/or raising a family at the same time can attest to the fact that sex simply gets monotonous at times and sometimes even for years.
Some couples even stop having sex altogether.
The constant barrage of expectations of what a couple’s sex life ‘should’ be showcased on social media and TV for the average person within a couple seems blatantly impractical.
Couples have enormous pressure on them to somehow lace their differences into a harmonious pattern to function in the world and within a household.
Forming a cohesive and trusting partnership is one of the most underestimated achievements in our society.
Some people spend their entire lives trying to find a partner and companion who truly cares for them.
If someone can find a mate who makes them feel loved, secure and understood while doing the same for them in turn, the quality or even quantity of sex is often secondary to that feeling of finding an amazing life partner who will be there no matter what.
People who are in relationships are generally spending a lot of energy checking in with their partner, planning with their partner, talking with their partner, and also dealing with the consequences of their partner’s behavior whether it’s at home, within their family, with friends or even in the workplace.
Real relationship maintenance is a full-time job.
Though it might be fun to try one or two new things in the bedroom, those titillating sexual moments won’t fix a relationship that’s struggling or fading into oblivion completely.
Mind you, there are oodles of relationships that are based solely on the physical connection of sex, but more often than not, at some point, there also needs to be intimacy, trust, commitment, communication, and compassion at play.
If a couple is trying to make their partnership work because they absolutely love each other and are committed to one another yet they also happen to have a ‘boring’ or even non-existent sex life — that can be okay for some people.
Couples go through peaks, valleys, and sometimes desolate wastelands and there’s nothing wrong with that.
The idea of having better, hotter sex with the same partner you’ve been with for ages is surely appealing. However, to truly spice up your relationship, you need to meet one another in the real world, in imperfect situations, and it’s not glamorous or sexy. It’s just life.
