WHAT TO DO SERIES

What To Do When Your Writing Becomes Reality

It’s about to get scary, but you can be prepared

Sometimes I exaggerate. To make my point. To add some humor. Whatever.

I embellish.

Remember the story I wrote about farting during oral sex? No? Lucky you. Read it here.

I bedecked my words with some, well, distortion. The part about breaking wind? During cunnilingus. I stole a friend’s embarrassing secret and made it my own.

And now I’m paying for it.

Leaning against a tree in a metropolitan-that-will-remain-unnamed-but-is-a-famous-Canadian-city. Jazzfest. Bopping along to Michael Winograd & the Honorable Mentshn.

Somehow we’re also discussing gaseous eruptions.

“So,” says my partner in crime. “Remember about a month ago when you…?”

He doesn’t finish. Without any more explanation, I know exactly when and what. The Canada Day t-shirts flooding us are pale in comparison to my blush. The one that now creeps across every bit of my skin.

“So,” he continues. “Was that a fart or a queef?”

I’d convinced myself that he had heard nothing. Or that he was simply so gracious that he ignored it.

But, no. He’d noticed. Maybe even felt the anal breeze blast across his earlobes. Holy shit.

“Fart,” I sheepishly admit. I turn away and stare at a nearby toddler’s dandelion of a skirt.

He can’t stop laughing. He’s bent at the waist, trying to catch his breath. The woman in front of us twists and detonates a death stare.

Holy shit. Holy. Shit.

Holy thankfully-just-a-fart.

But still.

What happens when your exaggerations become your reality?

What To Have

The first thing you will need to invest in is some good dentures. Because you’ll be eating Humble Pie. Or crow. Or whatever it is you ingest when you’re more embarrassed than you were after shitting yourself in your bestie’s van.

Also, you will require a massive imagination. You’re about to write your future, after all. This project should not be taken lightly. This is The Secret type shit. Make it good, dammit.

What to Do

First off, you can best prepare yourself for reading back over all of your work. What did you slightly falsify? Because it’s probably about to bite you in your nether regions. And not in a fun, nibbly way.

But you can be prepared. You can know what’s coming.

Second, think logically. Understand that you have power.

To change your reality, you must go within yourself and create a new frequency with your thoughts and feelings….Your thoughts become things! Rhonda Byrne, The Secret

My past embellishments can become reality? By reason, I can then write a future into being. Make sense?

No doubt about it. You will be bewildered and ashamed about what’s about to go down. On the other hand, you’ve got a bright future ahead, baby. You’re creating your reality.

Dream big.

Diamond-encrusted toe rings. Breakfast with the Stones. A cruise to Antarctica. Sex without gas.

Whatever you dream of you can write into reality. You’ve got this.

Takeaways

Shit happens. Farts happen. Even during oral sex.

You can survive the past you exaggerated. And the future you will create.

Now excuse me. My maid has just dropped off the calorie-free crepes with about twelve inches of…whipped cream.

©Jennifer J. McDougall 2022