What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Do

Sometimes it is overwhelming

Sometimes I feel empty. There is no joy or wonder, no energy or excitement. The well has gone dry and taken my attitude with it — this is not a new experience. It has happened too many times before, caused by various life issues, and my reactions to them.

There may be a few, or potentially many, writing topics to explore as a result, but that is part of the problem. I cannot put them on paper. That problem is a topic to be written about another time — when I find the words.

My angst, if that is what you want to call it, caused me to write this poem:

Two readers commented that the poem was a perfect representation of anxiety. Yes, I think it is, too, although I have tried to avoid thinking about it.

There has been too much for me to completely absorb, think about, and come to understand or accept.

The following story describes all of the events that caused me to experience anxiety:

It all rattles around inside my head, making noises only I can hear, and spewing emotions that only I know are there.

I try to talk with my husband about it, so he knows when I raise my voice in frustration, I do it, not because of him, but because of our situation — the ever-changing circumstances of our life.

I find no solace there, and life keeps giving me challenges.

Two weeks ago, early in the morning, I thought I might be having a heart attack. My doctor told me I should have called 911. I didn’t call because I could not get to my phone and my husband was sleeping.

Frankly, if he had been awake and witnessed what happened, everything would have been so much more difficult.

Many may not understand this, but by the time I could reach the phone, my husband came walking out from the bedroom, and I felt well enough so I could make the decision to wait until later in the day.

We had a problem with our heating system and an appointment later that day. Because of his health, my husband is not capable of being there by himself, interacting with a repairman, and our very protective dog. One thing at a time, maybe, but all at once it was not going to happen.

I waited until the heating system was fixed and called my doctor, who requested I go to his office immediately. Since then, I have had multiple tests and wear a heart monitor. So far, all the tests have found nothing wrong.

Now I feel anxious because I have no answers.

So, life is not simple, and I am looking for ways to build my stamina and immune system. But, it has become more apparent to me that I need to find ways to cope.

I need to deal with my anxiety.

In the past, I would have never thought I would be feeling anxiety, day in and day out, but I can now. I am restless and nervous. There are days when I dread waking up, and I crave quiet time.

Now the smallest purchase makes me worry about the future. I avoid thinking of our financial situation when my husband dies (if I am still alive). Thinking of that does throw me into a panic.

I feel exhausted, and paradoxically I will have problems falling asleep or waking up and not going back to sleep.

The constant fear of what our life is now, what may come next, and feeling like I have no control over anything is too much.

All those thoughts are jumbled together, with my mind spinning, and I am left feeling crazy.

So I ask myself “what can I do when I do not know what to do?”

The results are relatively standard if you research what to do to cope, and I do most of them already.

Here are a few suggested at home anxiety treatments:

Exercise —I already do.

Avoid alcohol and recreational drugs — I do not do either.

Stop smoking — I have never smoked.

Reduce or stop consuming caffeinated drinks — I do drink coffee, just two cups.

Stick to a healthy diet — I already do but always try to improve.

Try relaxation and stress management — Yes, but I want to do more.

Get enough sleep — my bigness need is more quality sleep.

If these are not helping, you might be thinking, why do them?

Let me clarify. All of these suggestions help me. Some do not apply to me, and they may, or may not, apply to you.

Is there room for improvement? Yes, certainly. When something is as important as your health you have to put forth your best effort.

I listed seven suggestions. Out of the seven, two do not apply to me. Out of the five left, I can improve in all of them. That is what I have to do.

If something is not working for you, look for an alternative.

Additional methods suggested for coping:

Learn as much as possible about anxiety and what treatments are available. Doing so will help you to make the right decisions about treatment. I have an over-the-counter supplement I purchased but have not taken, so I will discuss its use with my doctor to ensure it is safe and appropriate.

Determine what triggers my anxiety and practice coping strategies — this is tough for me because I have many triggers. Those triggers can change willy nilly.

My approach is to be consistent, regularly using as many coping strategies as possible.

I use all the strategies I have already listed and am considering these additional actions listed here:

Find someone you can talk to. So many people are dealing with this. It can be embarrassing — no one wants to admit they are dealing with anxiety or depression. It is important to find the right person to share your feelings with — talk to your doctor and ask for a referral.

Keep a journal and write down any feelings and experiences you have. — this is a way for you to clearly understand how you feel, what you are specifically reacting to, and how you respond.

If you share your journal with a healthcare provider, it will help them develop a treatment plan appropriate for you.

Work at developing a schedule for how you spend your day and better arrange your activities and use your time effectively.

One of the problems I have is isolation. Covid caused our initial feeling of isolation. Unfortunately, my husband's strokes and how it changed him, my cancer, surgery, and radiation treatment have complicated and increased our isolation.

Here is my plan.

I will continue to read about anxiety and strive to interpret that information appropriately for me.

Go outside, thank goodness spring is here, and the weather has improved.

Take my dog for as many walks as possible.

Listen to music.

Exercise. I hope to join a walking group and I will be adding Pilates and Yoga and some weighted exercises.

Do more of what I love — read more books and write as much as possible.

Learn and do as many new things as possible.

Interact with other people as much as possible. Break the cycle of isolation and make new friends.

Live in the moment but in a better way.

Help my husband continue to heal and live a fuller life.

Perhaps the most difficult is talking face to face with someone about my anxiety. My problems are enormous to me and to some extent I do consider them private. I have always been a private person.

Writing has helped me better understand myself, my feelings, and my reactions to all life gives me, good and bad.

Thank you for reading. I hope my experiences will resonate with someone else and help you in your journey through the roller coaster we call life.