What Right Did He Have To Say This About My Boobs and Smash My Confidence?

It has taken me years to stop putting credence in his words

Was I flirting with him? I don’t think so, but I was enjoying the attention. Until he becomes over-familiar that is, and comes out with that!

We were just 2 colleagues, chilling out and chatting.

“You know Ali, you are almost the full package. You are a good laugh, really sporty, good-looking and intelligent. Such a shame you have small boobs.”

My reaction then, 12 years ago, is very different from what my reaction would be today.

Then, I felt inadequate. His words spat fuel all over the flames of my insecurities. I didn’t choose my body. I didn’t choose my small boobs. And at this time, I was seriously considering a boob job. I didn’t feel womanly, I didn’t feel sexy. I felt I needed larger boobs as a ticket for greater social acceptance.

Isn’t this ridiculous!

I allowed the opinions and thoughts of a colleague to affect my self-esteem. I gave credibility to his words. I let him throw my confidence and feelings of self-worth into the gutter.

Incessant Comments

My small boobs have attracted various comments over the years. How is this acceptable? This is body shaming. And these comments aren’t just from men!

At university, my friends dragged me out on a corset fancy dress night. What was I thinking? Surrounded by my busty friends, there I was, looking like a 10-year-old. I felt self-conscious and vulnerable. My outfit was highlighting what I didn’t have.

My “friend” turned around to me and said, “you will never have as big boobs as me”. Well, no sh*t sherlock! I mean, she was enormous! She was beautiful and she was in proportion. Of course, I would never have big boobs, let alone boobs as big as hers. But I would never have dreamt of turning around to her and saying “you will never be as lean as me.”

During the first 3 decades of my life, I received the message from the world that small boobs were undesirable. People with small boobs were not sexy. People with small boobs had failed somehow. People with small boobs would not reach their full potential.

The idea of a boob job lay heavily on my mind. Two things prevented this. My lack of funds first and foremost. Secondly, even if I did have the funds, I personally could not justify spending that amount of money on 2 new body appendages. Whilst the same money could save lives in various world disaster zones. I do not condemn people who undergo surgery in these circumstances, it is their personal choice. But I have come to feel sad that they too were possibly pushed into surgery by their feelings of inadequacy.

Learning To Love Myself

Well, at least I’ve never had the problem of people staring at my chest. Or feeling like someone is only interested in me for my boobs. At least I have never had accusations of using my cleavage to my own benefit. But by the way, if I had a cleavage, I would absolutely use it to my own advantage. More fool those who get taken in by it!

Over time I learned to appreciate my body. I didn’t necessarily like my figure, but I liked my body. My body was strong and capable. My body carried me places and took me on adventures. I put my body through its paces, day after day, and it never seemed to complain. Instead of resenting it and wishing it looked different, I started to revere it.

I learned to feel gratitude for my body.

Show me a female who is, and always has been, completely satisfied and content with her body and I suspect she is a liar.

We raise girls to believe they must look a certain way. By the time they reach their teenage years their body changes. People look at them differently. By adulthood, the female figure is a regular topic of discussion. We hear comments about the female physique, in the media, on a daily basis. Oh, the pressure. We can not change our genes. Sure we can eat healthily and exercise, but this is not enough to produce a “Bond girl” figure, which society tells us to aspire for.

Did you know, according to this source, eating disorders affect up to 9% of the population worldwide! Whilst eating disorders are complex, there is no doubt that the air-brushed and altered images depicted across the media provide an unrealistic standard for people to measure up against.

But you know what is freeing? When we stop trying to look like others. When we stop trying to fit the image of what society says is beautiful and sexy.

When we learn to love ourselves for all our curves (or lack of in my case) we learn to live.

So, instead of spending my whole life wishing I looked differently and desperately resenting my genes, I now focus on what my body can do. I don’t give attention to what my body is not or what I don’t have. Rather, I celebrate what I do have and what my body is capable of.

Above all, I am grateful that I am healthy, able, and free.

Small Is Better for My Lifestyle Anyway

I lead an active life. I am a dedicated trail runner and ultra runner. I am always on the go. The reality is big boobs would be cumbersome to me. I don’t want to waste time and money trying out sports bra after sports bra to hold my rebellious puppies down. I want to chuck on any old, basic sports bra and hit the trails. I want to wear strappy tops and string bikinis without the fear of spilling out. I want to go braless in a backless dress. Heck, at least I don’t suffer from boob sweat.

My name is Ali and I have small boobs. Big deal, get over it because I have. I would now choose these boobs. I am perfectly in proportion and regardless, my boob size is not your issue nor should it be your discussion point.

Whether you have big boobs, small boobs, or something in between. I hope you learn to love them. I hope you learn to work with your body and focus on what your body can do, rather than what you perceive you are missing out on.

Want to write for The Pink? We’d love to have you in our community of 200+ writers. Or Follow us on Instagram for more.