What Meditation Can Do For Your Sex Life

Awareness can be amorous.

Meditating before making love can produce the best sex you’ve had in months.

I had an experience the other day.

Still new to meditation, I’m roaming the roads of what’s possible when you get out of your head and into the present. Recently, a road led to a sexual experience unlike anything I’ve experienced. Ever.

First, a word on meditation

As I said, I’m an amateur. I started late last year and don’t know the theory. But through the practice I have unearthed two discoveries:

My problems:

A weak ‘attention muscle’ or poor focus.
I’m easily lost in thought.
I’m inconsistent with the practice.

2. The solutions — learned from Medium writers, experts like Sam Harris, and my own experience:

Daily meditative practice.
Keeping a healthy brain.
Avoiding multitasking.
Seeing time as experiences, not numbers.

The practice has yielded benefits. Chief amongst them is the experience of ‘present flow’. It means not being lost in thought or the future, and being at rest in the present moment. In such a state, psychedelic-like states seem possible.

‘Present flow’ is hard to describe in words. Experience explains. But the features of my experience are:

Calm.
Effortless focus.
Elevated mood.
Irrelevance of time.
Empathy.

It’s like that ‘flow’ in writing when it becomes effortless and the words gush like a pulsing river.

That’s the state which emerges through meditation. You lift above suffering and beyond the trivial, toward meaning.

And now, the story

I’d had a tough day. My brother had moved to a city far away and I was still working through that. We’d always lived together and, despite surface-level smiles, it was a tough transition. I miss him.

I felt ill at ease. So, before bed, I meditated. My partner was there, doing some meditation herself.

I spent only ten minutes but had a good session. Halfway, I had the familiar feeling of a ‘bubble’ of thought falling, and a ‘calm intensity’ rising to replace it. Distractions faded. I floated. Present flow.

I wrapped up and chatted with my partner under the covers. Words became kisses, which became… you know.

That ‘you know’ was the most intimate sex we’d had in months. We flowed together, mixing the gentle and the passionate in harmony. It was natural, sensual, and thoughtless. The outside world disappeared. We rose, peaked, and settled together, our bodies and minds melded in unity.

We were in a flow-state. We were here, in this experience. There was no anxiety, no insecurity. Only synchronous movement, loving passion, and deep togetherness.

Afterward was happy and intimate. I slept well.

Lastly, how to use this

If you’re anyone who’s ever lived (or just me), you might struggle to be fully present when making love. You might stress about finishing or pleasing your partner. You may find you can’t turn off your thoughts.

But this absence from the moment makes sex worse. Distractions like thought draw you out of the experience and into your head. Inside, it just ain’t as good.

But if you’re present, sex gets better. You lose yourself to it. You make deeper love. By the end, you’re satisfied and feel closer to your partner.

To get into the present, I recommend two practices — one general and one specific:

General: meditate daily. Set aside time in the morning or evening. Turn off your phone or put it in another room. Declutter distractions. Sit in a comfy position — like upright in a chair. Close your eyes. Watch your breath. Not controlling it; simply watching. Allow attention gently to draw to sensations in the body. Float from there to the sounds you hear. Then come back to the breath. When thoughts arise, notice them. Don’t resist; watch them pass by. If you get lost in thought, notice, and come back to the breath. Eventually, you should settle there and remain until 10 or 20 minutes expire. Extend it for longer if you can. Do this each day.
Specific: Do this practice before making love. I don’t recommend making it a rule nor making it weird. But, one of these days, try it. Get into flow. Become present. Then see what happens.

Final Words

My partner and I experienced wondrous lovemaking in flow-state. In that state our bodies and minds melded, drawing us out of our heads and into the intimacy of the moment.