Something Awaits On The Other Side Of Meditation

Something I glimpsed on psychedelics.

The state of higher consciousness achieved on psychedelics can be accessed through meditation.

It was a meditation like any other. Before bed, I settled down to watch my breath for 10 minutes.

I wasn’t feeling tranquil. There were two days to Boards— entrance exams for attorneys — and I wasn’t sleeping well. My mind was busy— thoughts babbling unabetted. And I didn’t really feel like watching that circus.

Still, a practice is a practice. So I closed my eyes and began to breathe. Soon, something remarkable happened.

The first few minutes were fitful. I couldn’t silence my thoughts, even with Jim Dethmer’s 4 x 4 breaths technique. They weren’t cooperating. So eventually, I stopped wrestling and let them prattle.

Suddenly I remembered a remark Yuval Noah Harari made in a recent chat with Tim Ferris about Vipassana meditation. The trick is not to focus on breathing — it’s to watch the breath like an external observer.

So I began to watch. And little changed for some minutes.

But then, something happened that’s difficult to describe.

My attention was fixed on my breath. By that, I mean my conscious attention. The awareness I take for granted to be me. That awareness was absorbed with the air moving gently in and out of my nostrils.

But, as I breathed, something else began rising into consciousness. It felt like a calm intensity had climbed up my spine into my brain, pushing outwards against my cranium with a force equal to its intensity.

At the same time, what felt like a bubble that contained my thoughts fell. Like a bubble in a bath, it came gently to rest on the surface. Then it popped, revealing emptiness inside.

Not one involuntary thought remained after that. I could still think, of course—but with more clarity and by my volition. If I did think, the thought boomed through a cavernous consciousness.

But I didn’t need to think. Because what remained was so satisfying:

• A calm intensity.
• An enlarged awareness.
• A comfortable emptiness.

I noticed something else. I was smiling. I couldn’t help it — I felt marvelous. More awake than I’d felt in weeks. And sharper — hazy problems now seemed so transparently simple.

After what felt like seconds, I opened my eyes. Twenty minutes had passed.

Stunned, calm, curious, and grateful, I wound up the evening and settled into bed. I opened my book to read a few pages before turning out to sleep.

But this experience was different, too. I noticed I was reading faster than usual. My eyes passed quickly over the text and the author’s words poured directly into my comprehending mind. It was as if my mind’s capacity had doubled.

I took a while to fall asleep after that. There were no thoughts, but my mind was on fire. A calm, brilliant fire. At that moment, I could’ve done anything.

I’ve recently written about an experience I had on psilocybin. I wrote about awareness expanding while tripping. I felt clarity in that state, sensing what Sam Harris describes as the “there” that’s there — a place of expanded mental ability reachable through years of meditation.

Here, meditating, I had the same sense. The same calm intensity felt here had been what brought me ‘up’ when I ate magic mushrooms. During both this meditation and that psilocybin trip, I was ‘aware of my awareness’. I could think clearly. I felt warmth running through my nervous system. In fact, the experience was as similar as could be.

??

My knowledge of psychedelics is deeper than average. But my knowledge of meditation is limited. I don’t even know the difference between the Vipassana and Transcendental traditions, and I don’t know the philosophy that underpins them.

But my experiences lurch me towards these topics. Because there’s something behind the door of meditation. Something enlightening.

I have a hunch that the psychedelic experience is a portal to what that something is. But once you come down from a trip, that portal closes. The memories and lessons learned remain while the awareness-state fades.

There’s a connection here. A common thread runs through psychedelics, mindfulness, and consciousness. I think it’s what Zen masters discovered, and what Alan Watts taught. It may be what rescues humanity from anxiety.

It’s worth finding that thread.

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