Sexual Awareness/Self Exploration

What Makes Sex Meaningful?

Sex can effortlessly bring a number of assumptions along for the ride.

There’s no doubt that people often attempt to place special meaning on the sexual acts they engage in. As humans, we tend to have this deep desire to place particular value on experiences — including sexual experiences.

But what does meaningful sex look like and feel like? How do we know when a sexual encounter is meaningful or not?

A great number of us wade through our sexual relationships searching for this concept of meaning. Some of us are even looking for ourselves in someone else — for some sort of wholeness or direction in our lives through another person.

However, quite often, what sex means to one partner could deeply contrast with what it means to the other. While one partner may be trying to find particular meaning in a sexual encounter, the person they’re having sex with may simply think of the sex they’re having as a pleasurable act — in other words — just sex.

Some people don’t attach much meaning to sex at all while others place a ton of meaning onto the act of sex.

Are both ends of these spectrums terribly misguided?

Not necessarily. But it does mean that what one person is getting out of a sexual experience could be completely different than the person they’re experiencing it with. And that’s where relationships get complicated — especially if the communication between two people is lacking.

A hopeful lover may think they’re in this uber-serious and intense relationship with someone while the person they’re having sex with may think they’re in a ‘casual hookup’ type of relationship — if they even believe it’s a relationship at all.

The amount of meaning we try to apply to sex is generally based on how much we want a particular relationship to work out. If we feel that sex with a particular partner is deep and meaningful, we also tend to assume that the relationship itself must be going somewhere special.

Not only that, but we also tend to place our sexual egos on the line when we put so much emphasis on the worth of our sexual encounters. If we walk around thinking we’re having great sex with someone, it may also imply to us that we are formidable lovers, therefore certainly worthy of being consistently sought after by our lover time and time again.

Sex can effortlessly bring a number of assumptions along for the ride because it’s such a physically intimate act.

It’s incredibly easy to feel and attach emotional intimacy with and to the act of sex. However, for many people — sex just doesn’t get that intimate for them.

This is why it’s so important to be clear about your sexual intentions before you become involved with people sexually. Are you only interested in a one-night stand? Do you want a serious relationship? Do you just want a lover on the side?

These are all valid questions to ask someone before you have sex with them or at least very soon after you’ve had sex with them before things escalate further into the ‘unknown zone’.

Ultimately, we all have our own preconceived ideas in our minds about what sex means or what contributes to how ‘meaningful’ it is. As a society, we are definitely obsessed with sex in all of its forms.

Passionate and connected sex is meaningful to me. I thrive on that spark of mutual attraction and an emotional relationship with my partner.

Sex, where there’s not much of a mental or emotional connection, doesn’t mean as much to me. For someone else, that might be different. They may find more meaning in casual sex with less attachment and no strings attached. That may be meaningful to them in the sense that sex is just sex and they don’t have to worry about emotional entanglements.

Obviously, everyone is different. Sex can be meaningful to people in varying ways but it can also create meaning where there isn’t any for others.

The trick is to be aware of your expectations, aware of your assumptions, and also to be aware of how your sexual partner is feeling through clear communication.

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