What Makes a Jackass a Jackass
Jackass: (n) A foolish, rude, or contemptible person. Synonyms: asshole, gaslighter, jerk, narcissist, rat, stinker, turd — is this you?
Are you a jackass?
Yes, yes, you are.
We are all jackasses some of the time. It’s part of the human condition. We move up and down a sliding scale. Sometimes you are nice, sometimes you are infuriating.
It’s hard to find anyone who doesn’t cause some irritation to some people some of the time. Anyone can be a jackass.
I went out for dinner with Dave and Linda. Individually, they are nice people. But when they are together, they make you feel you are there to referee.
They talked about their neighbour selling their house. Linda thought it sold for £265k. Dave jumped in. “No. They sold it for £260k.” It started an argument. Dave took out his phone and began searching for the sale price.
I interjected. “It doesn’t matter, does it?”
“You’re right,” said Dave. “It doesn’t matter.” And he pointed at me as if I had nailed the wisdom of the world in that one sentence.
But you know what? Dave went right on checking his phone. He got the answer he was looking for, sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and had this smug look on his face.
I didn’t need to ask — so I didn’t. Linda bit her tongue for a few seconds, but overwhelmed with the need to know, she folded and asked, “What was it?”
“I was right,” Dave replied, with a look on his face that said, ‘see, I told you so.’
Dave is my friend. He may have been right, but at that moment he was being a jerk. A prime 100% purebred jackass. He didn’t need to look it up. He admitted it didn’t matter, but he did it anyway.
Who is the biggest jackass in your life right now?
And like magic, the first person to pop into your head fits that bill.
On average, he’s male, 43, and is, or was, your romantic partner, co-worker, boss, family member, or friend.
Scientists have studied the psychology behind the most bothersome jackass-related traits. They looked for common themes and classified individual behaviours.
Like you, the participants found it relatively easy to think of the “biggest jackass” in their lives. That person will probably be manipulative, aggressive, or entitled.
The jackass is usually unpleasant to be around and has a similar effect on other people. This is where you have to be careful, because if no one else considers your jackass to be a jackass, maybe it’s you.
Jackasses rub us up the wrong way. They make us want to scream, tear our hair out, and bang our heads off our desks.
What makes a jackass a jackass?
The study identified 13 behaviours that make someone a jackass. I’ve listed them here in order of their most common traits.
- Arrogance/Self-Centeredness/Entitlement — extreme ego, brags a lot, and expects special treatment.
- Inconsiderateness/Boundary Violation/Passive Rudeness — constantly causes a scene and invades personal space.
- Aggression/Antisociality — acts like a bully, is cruel to animals, or sexually harasses women.
- Manipulativeness/Lying/Exploitation — a compulsive liar who takes advantage of trust or uses people for sex.
- Irresponsibility — doesn’t pre-plan or organize in advance, never on time for work.
- Callousness — doesn’t care about the feelings of others, cold, and unemotional.
- Anger/Emotion Dysregulation — always in a bad mood and yells when they don’t get their way.
- Externalisation of Blame — can’t ever admit when they are wrong, blames everyone else for their problems.
- Rudeness — does and says things just to get people upset, uses snarky comments, and is generally sarcastic.
- Bigotry — disrespectful towards women, uses racist language.
- Combativeness — argumentative, regularly threatens legal action.
- Immaturity — acting childish and immature when not getting their way, they like drama.
- Other — caused me anxiety, is a giant hypocrite, eats too much.
Why are people jackasses?
Irritating someone else can leave you feeling powerful and more in control compared to when you agree with them or simply go along with their antics.
Some people can’t help being rude and condescending. That’s their personality. Psychopaths, anti-socials, and narcissists share these traits.
The behaviours jackasses display run the gamut. And they know that their behaviour bothers people, but they just don’t care enough about what others think of them or how they are perceived to change.
There is clearly a lot of variation in behaviours that identify people as jackasses. Essentially, the study shows insults matter. Having to deal with an annoying person will make you tense, angry, and eventually depressed.
Turn that around and look inward. Do you display the characteristics we associate with being a jackass?
The point is, try to be less of a jackass.
Respect everyone. Everywhere. Every time.
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