What Is Sensual Domination?

Learning about it opened me up to my kinky side

He fastens the last cuff. I’m tied to the bed by my wrists and ankles. He pulls the restraints taut, to make sure I can barely move.

He walks to the other side of the bed. I can hear him, but I can’t see him.

Then, I feel his breath against my ear and he whispers, “Are you ready?”

I nod and squirm a little, tugging at the restraints.

He pushes my chin up and our lips meet. We kiss slowly while he gently grips my hair, keeping my head in place.

I can’t move it back down. Not until he’s done. Not until he lets me.

I feel his hands caressing my body all over — running down my thighs, grazing my stomach, squeezing my hips, gently pinching my nipples.

I can barely move, but I don’t want to be anywhere else.

I feel him tugging my underwear down, just low enough to reveal my pussy. His fingers rub against the lips. I hear his breathing getting heavier.

His fingers are wet with his spit. My pleasure builds as he rubs them softly against my clit.

I’m getting closer. I’m about to come. But just when I’m about to reach my climax, his fingers pull away. My muscles contract, my body squirms uncontrollably, but it’s not a release — it’s frustration.

“Not yet,” he says firmly. “I’m not ready to let you come.”

I feel his fingers again. I know he’ll give it to me, but I don’t know when. How many times is he going to get me close? How many times is he going to pull away before he lets me have an orgasm?

It’s not up to me. Nothing is.

My job is to lie here, to moan in pleasure, to surrender myself to him.

And I feel fucking incredible. I feel like I’ve given over to him completely.

I feel loved.

But a year ago, I wouldn’t have agreed to any of this.

Discovering Sensual Domination

Like too many of my sexual discoveries, this one started on Reddit.

I was scrolling through my Reddit feed and saw an ad by a 43 year old man in Toronto who was looking for a woman to have some fun.

He described himself as a sensual dom.

That was the first time I encountered that concept, but it clicked almost immediately.

I never reached out to him or answered the ad, but I read it carefully and then looked into the concept some more.

I always found the idea of being dominated really appealing, but there was another side to that coin that kept me away from it.

When I thought of domination, I thought of commands I might not want to obey. I thought of pain and discomfort. I thought of humiliation and degradation.

I found little ways to be submissive. It’s in my nature — I couldn’t help it if I tried. But I didn’t want any part of those things.

What I wanted this whole time was sensual domination. I just didn’t know it.

Sensual domination is a form of power play that involves the more submissive partner giving up control to the more dominant one. But it focuses on pleasure instead of pain. It involves praise and reward more than humiliation or punishment.

It’s also what showed me that domination can exist on its own, without some of the other aspects of BDSM. And that’s what allowed me to really explore it.

There are different ways to practice sensual domination, because how it plays out will depend on the submissive’s needs and desires.

For me, it means that if there’s any discipline, it’s just a little bit of roleplay. It’s Mr. Austin giving a few gentle smacks to my ass while he teases me for being naughty.

It means spankings that feel intense but never hurt. I’m white as a ghost and I bruise easily, but my husband never leaves a mark — even on the night when he spanked me 1,000 times.

If there’s any name calling, they’re only thrown around affectionately. If he calls me his good little slut when my mouth is on his cock, it’s not to humiliate me. They’re just words of praise he utters while stroking my hair. Plus, it’s accurate.

And the rough stuff doesn’t feel rough. The way he manhandles me, pins my wrists down, and slaps my ass — it’s all done to show his passion, not to cause pain.

They’re all reminders that he’s in charge, but also that he’s going to take care of me. That I don’t have to worry about a thing. I can just let go, give myself over to him, and lose myself in the pleasure he gives me.

There’s an element of worship to the way we play now. It’s a worship that cuts both ways. I give myself to him, surrendering to his affection. And he gives me everything.

I feel so many things when I’m in that submissive mode, but maybe the thing I feel the most is trust.

In those moments, I trust my husband to know exactly where my limits are. I can eagerly anticipate him pushing me to the edge of them, knowing he’ll never take it too far.

When he dominates me, I feel safe because I know my pleasure matters so much to him.

Becoming Myself

I’ve always been a very submissive person, but I haven’t fully realized that until now.

In a very short span of time, it has become a big part of my sex life.

I went from being the girl who wasn’t comfortable being dominated to having a set of restraints permanently installed under the bed.

I got excited instead of worried when my husband told me one of my Christmas presents was “something bondage-y.”

I keep silicone cuffs and a blindfold alongside the dildos and vibrators in my sex toy drawer.

When I have a really long day, I sometimes tell my husband “I hope you’re going to dominate me tonight, because I could really use it.”

This has always been a part of me, but it was tucked away and dormant. Sensual domination made it safe for me to embrace it.

Now, every time I hear some commanding dirty talk, every time I feel the soft straps tighten around my wrists, and every time I feel the blindfold slipping over my eyes, I get to feel like myself.

If you want to try out the restraints I mentioned in this post (and highly recommend), they’re the Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System. That’s an affiliate link, by the way. If you click on it and treat yourself to anything on the site, I earn a small commission and you’ll be supporting my work. ❤

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