PERSONAL ESSAY
What I Want in Life
Exploring what we really need deep down in life
When I was a child and into my teens, I was told what I wanted: “Get a high school degree so you can get a good job as a secretary until you can find a good husband to take care of you and have a family!”
Even as a teen, that future seemed clinical and hollow to me. I wanted none of the things my mother wanted for me. I wanted to study math and science, go to college, become a stewardess (but don’t call them that now!), explore the world, become a pilot, and work for NASA!
But I also wanted a boyfriend, someone to go dancing with, to sit under a tree and have long, wandering discussions about life and nature, or to go to the beach to trap blue-fin crabs together.
But back then, the young men I knew were so saturated in testosterone that it was nearly impossible to engage in serious conversation without raging hormones kicking off a wrestling match instead.
Now, I want a best friend and a warm lover. I want mutual trust, respect, and affection. I want honesty and kindness. I want mutual magnetic physical attraction.
I’m a child of the ’60s. I want peace, love, happiness. I want Gaia/Mother Earth/Madre Tierra to take a stronger stand against the infection called “humanity.” I want humans to earn their fragile existence.
I want to dive into the Galapagos and the Blue Hole of Belize. I want to learn to dance the salsa, the tango, perhaps. I want my 40-year-old body, those arms hard as rocks. I want more life ahead of me than so far behind.
I no longer want what my younger self craved — riches, fancy cars, expensive jewelry, and a home full of consumer goods designed to impress. I no longer crave status, nor the trappings of wealth and power, nor the stress and competitiveness of corporate life.
I want a vegetable garden to feed myself organically. I want a simple, cozy home where friends like to come and stay awhile. I want to live in the countryside without city noises and smells. I want birds to sing from my trees and butterflies to caress bright wildflowers in my yard.
But above all else, I want to be touched, be kissed, be held close. I want to fall asleep in my lover’s arms and wake up entwined, ready to embrace the day, pet the dog, and enjoy a cup of coffee.
I want art, music, fresh air. I want warm ocean water and a night sky full of stars.
I want nothing less. I want nothing more.
And more about wanting….
