What Happens When Your “Sole Mate” Is Not Your Soul Mate
It can get complicated.
It will probably be pretty straightforward if you wake up to the realization that you and your partner apparently have very little in common, you are emotionally disconnected, or your relationship is just so volatile and full of constant aggravation.
On the other hand, if that partner shares your values and shares, or is at least supportive of your interests, cares how you feel, and is always there when you need somebody to lean on and you trust them, then I imagine the question will weigh a lot heavier on your mind. Do you throw all that away just because someone comes into your life and you now feel you share a deeper connection?
Who exactly is a sole mate?
This is someone with whom you are committed to an exclusive romantic relationship. A relationship where the two of you have verbally cemented the exclusivity agreement and you are now looking to the future as a couple. In essence, your exclusive committed partner.
You should know that this verbalization is necessary nowadays because in the modern dating scene the old traditional trajectory of romantic relationships is no longer a given. So unless partners have had that open and honest conversation and have expressly agreed not to see other people, then exclusivity is not guaranteed. The modern rules require this talk.
And the soul mate?
A soul mate is that unique individual that offers you that deep level connection that some say transcends this earthly plane.
“A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be.” -Robin Bach
Back to the original question: what to do?
First, a few things to consider:
- You don’t have to be in a romantic relationship with your soul mate. You can have a committed partner with whom you enjoy a happy, functional, and healthy, romantic relationship while your soul mate can be your best friend and confidante. This makes all the more sense when you take into consideration that you can come across more than one soul mate during your lifetime, and relationships with a soul mate can be just as chaotic as those with regular people. For instance, they can come into your life with too much baggage or unlike you, they for their own reasons might not want to be exclusive.
- Soul mates enter into your life for a reason and may only be around for a while before having to move on even though their departure will considerable heartache for both of you; while a committed partner is committed to you and is sticking around.
- You can have a truly amazing but purely platonic relationship with a soul mate. It will feel by all accounts so much more than a regular friendship because of the deep connection and though it is intimate or affectionate it will not be romantic or sexual.
In conclusion
One very important fact to note is that with your committed partner the relationship is a choice and there are probably very solid reasons why made that choice. Unlike with soul mates, even though you feel like you have known them forever, you probably had no idea who they were until the moment they walked into your life and made that connection. Still, you are not mandated to enter into romantic relationships with them contrary to the common belief that you are supposed to fall in love and perhaps marry your soul mate. Especially as there can be more than one.
Depending on your circumstances your soul mate, for the length of time they will remain in your life can remain a best friend, mentor, co-worker, neighbor, and so on. While your committed partner can continue to be that trusted, loving, dependable and supportive partner they have always been.
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