What Do You Do When You’re Ghosted?

From purchasing lip gloss to avocado toast to a raging Godzilla

So, I was stood up.

And I was pissed.

I’d shown up on time.

I’d walked for almost an hour to get there, despite it being like an oven outside. That was my choice to walk instead of taking transit. However, I would have much rather walked straight home and taken a shower instead.

I’d changed my clothes and freshened up and was still sitting at a table by the allotted time and at the right place (I triple checked!), which we’d confirmed the day before.

He Insisted On Meeting In Person

He was the one who’d insisted that we meet up instead of chatting online, which would’ve suited me and my crazy schedule better.

And this wasn’t some random guy. He’s someone I’d worked with years before and we’d been chatting online for over a week.

First, we were messaging about an event he wanted me to attend. I declined. It wasn’t my thing.

Then we were messaging about how he might know about some work for me. Hm, interesting. Yes, I’ll meet you for a coffee to discuss possibilities. Sooner is better? Okay then. Let’s meet next week.

It eventually evolved into chatter about our lives since we last met. I even told him I write erotica, which isn’t something I tell many people. This only came up because he was talking about working at a fetish club which piqued my interest. For research purposes, of course.

Now, here’s the thing: I’ve known this guy for about 10 years but haven’t seen him in person for at least five. We’ve kept in casual contact on social media, but our paths haven’t crossed in a long time despite having many common connections and living not too far from one another.

I also know he’s always been sweet on me.

And, truth be told, I was starting to become interested in him, much to my own surprise.

He was making me laugh. And think. Those are two must-haves for me now. My, how my thinking about potential partners has changed.

By the time the day of meeting up arrived, I’d even forgotten about our initial meetup intentions of discussing job prospects. I wanted to talk to him about him. And me. And his dog. And this thing that seemed to be happening between us which had never happened before.

My poor best friend was overseas getting these weird messages from me about this dude I hadn’t even thought of in ages but now was a romantic prospect. What the howdy-doody is that about?

And, truth be told, I was starting to be interested in him, much to my own surprise.

I Even Bought Lip Gloss

And here’s the kicker: I bought lip gloss for this impending meeting.

Lip. Gloss.

I’ve pared down my makeup to next to nothing.

And yet here I was buying lip gloss. Because glossing of lips is something people do when they’re interested in someone, isn’t it?

For the umpteenth time lately, I found myself asking: “WHO AM I?”

Lip gloss was the biggest clue that I did like this guy. And I wanted this to be a date, not just a networking thing.

But truthfully, I’d have been all right with it being either.

If he’d bothered to show up, that is.

Interesting since my initial reaction was to ask my friends if I was going to end up on yet another “accidental date” when I just wanted a job not a date.

But that just goes to show me that my tastes have changed. He’s not my physical type at all. And yet I was ready to see where this was going.

There I Was, On Time, Waiting…

I ordered a pop and waited patiently for 15 minutes. I had a book I was reading and making notes from it, so I made the most of my time.

At the 15 minute mark, I checked my phone. No messages from him. But I could see he’d recently been online. Maybe his internet was acting up? I was sure I’d see him soon. But I sent a quick, “Are you still coming?” message.

I tried to get back into my book and making notes from it, but I was starting to get annoyed. I’d wanted to be at the library working on this stuff, not a diner.

The server was really sweet, but even she was starting to question what I was doing there.

After half an hour, she warned me that the kitchen was closing in 15 minutes so if I wanted anything, I’d have to order soon.

I told her I wasn’t sure where my friend was. She replied, “You deserve food. You should order. He’s the one who’s missing out!”

And so I dove my nose into the menu, searching for something to eat, even though I wasn’t hungry. I was confused. And broke. And really didn’t want to order food but felt obligated after taking up a table for 45 minutes.

Avocado Toast With A Side of Fuming

I ordered avocado toast (I’m not a millennial, but I do love me some avocados!), added the fries, and glared at the app where it appeared he’d go online and then offline.

I didn’t get it. What was he playing at? He was the one who’d pushed for this meeting. (I never called it a date because he never did, even though I’d started thinking of it that way.)

My next message wasn’t nearly so friendly.

“What the f***, dude?” I asked as I saw him pop back online for the sixth time.

No response.

I fumed.

Then my food showed up in front of me. And I can’t fume and avocado toast. It’s too complicated.

Adding In An Extra Side of Rage

As I started thinking about how I couldn’t afford this extra $20 I’d be spending on food I didn’t want (but can admit now was delicious!), I stabbed at my fries.

How dare he do this! This is so rude. Who doesn’t show up for a meeting they arranged and insisted upon?

I was a rage monster! This is how I perceived the next couple of hours:

1. I rage-ate fries. I hadn’t even wanted fries before I arrived but I focused all my negative emotions on those fries. Rage fries. Grrr.
2. I rage-paid my bill. It came to just under $20. For most people, no big deal. But I’m living paycheck to paycheck and only justified the expense of this meeting because I would a) solve the mystery of what was going on between us and b) potentially find out about work opportunities that would more than cover this expense. As it was, I received neither. Rage!
3. I rage-video messaged my bestie overseas. I’ve never video called anyone but desperate raging calls for desperate measures. During the calls, I saw pop-up messages from him apologizing, but I wouldn’t read them until later. Suck it, dude. You were a no show. And I’m a rage monster. Nobody needs to hear from me. Except my poor bestie who was almost asleep.
4. I rage-wrote a story about a coupon dater. It’s not an angry story at all. I just poured myself into writing it because I didn’t want to think about

Here’s what other people saw:

1. I ate fries.
2. I paid my bill, possibly looking a little sad as I took money out of my account that really needed to stay there for rent.
3. I confusedly video called my bestie where most of it I spent laughing, not hearing her, and hanging up on her more than once. But hey, now I know how to video call!
4. I wrote a funny story about a coworker who uses coupons as a way to ask our coworkers out.

None of these things looked particularly ragey to anyone on the outside. But I felt like Godzilla rampaging Tokyo on the inside.

Rage!

He Had a Good Reason For Not Showing Up

I made him wait for a couple of hours before I even opened the app. Let him sweat it out. Jerkface.

Turns out, he ended up having a good excuse for not showing up. He’d taken a migraine pill a few hours earlier which left him a big mess.

Without me pointing it out, he said he’d woken up drooling on the couch and he kept trying to check his phone, but then he’d pass out again. That explained the blinking in and out of the app.

If he was lying, he was good at covering the bases. But I had to give him the benefit of the doubt since myself and many other friends have had brutal weather migraines this summer. Heck, he and I had already traded a few migraine battle stories. I think he was legit.

I let him have it, saying he could’ve just postponed or told me to check in before we were supposed to meet, which he completely agreed.

Then he said he was giving puppy dog eyes at his phone. I told him that wasn’t good enough. I deserved real puppy dog photos. He sent me a bunch immediately.

“You still owe me!” I said.

Once again, he agreed completely.

All was not forgiven, but at least now I had puppy dog photos and a little less rage in my heart. Plus, I wrote a story in probably half the time I’d normally take to write it because I was so angry. Sometimes, anger can be productive.

I just hope, for his sake, he doesn’t pull this again.

Rage!

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