What Do Any of Us Want Anymore?

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2062

Abstract

d) and have long hair.</p><p id="c433">So what the hell do I want?</p><p id="b962">I don’t know anymore. I feel like I will never have enough in life, but I don’t know what that means. Enough money? Enough friends? Enough sanity? I don’t know what I want anymore. I’m not sure many of us know what we want anymore.</p><p id="565f">The world is on fire and everyone I know is just doing their best to make it through to tomorrow. I don’t know that most of us have the time or energy to figure out exactly what we want, and even if we did, it would take more energy than many of us have to get it. We’re all stuck on this treadmill running as fast as we can manage, but it’s never quite fast enough.</p><p id="d65c">What’s worse, there are people everywhere trying to sell us the key to happiness. Some couple who sold all their belongings and live out of a van now. A guy who made $1 million by the time he was 35 <b>AND YOU CAN TOO — HE’LL SHOW YOU HOW</b>! Hucksters telling you how to make extra money doing something or another while selling their secret methods to line their own pockets.</p><p id="cda0">I don’t think that anyone knows what they really want anymore. We all just chase whatever success we think we can grab while looking enviously at the twenty-something millionaire and the Tik Tok e-girls who look <i>so happy</i> with their lives.</p><p id="a40f">It kills me to live like this. Honestly, I think it’s killing all of us.</p><p id="5512">If you liked this, please subscribe to my publication, Thing a Day. I publish something every day on a variety of topics, so you never know what you’re going to see!</p><div id="84f0" class="link-block"> <a href="https://medium.com/thing-a-day"> <div> <div> <h2>Thing a Day</h2> <div><h3>In which I write one thing each day.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*eDMwsybTKAuurm

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Hy6-tfoA.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="b6c6">Here are some other things I’ve written:</p><div id="fcd2" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/what-i-do-for-a-living-a-glimpse-into-nonprofit-fundraising-ac04f58b8d73"> <div> <div> <h2>What I Do For a Living: A Glimpse Into Nonprofit Fundraising</h2> <div><h3>In which I beg people for money via formal written request.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*v1O04DuGAICWpN-g)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="c8e6" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-only-man-in-a-room-full-of-women-a9aeec67abb6"> <div> <div> <h2>The Only Man in a Room Full of Women</h2> <div><h3>How working at nonprofit organizations taught me about feminism</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*AwSTl7Tai5y5zHc1)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="64ca" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/selling-success-why-hustle-culture-is-a-hustle-88ea90c4b875"> <div> <div> <h2>Selling Success: Why “Hustle Culture” is a Hustle</h2> <div><h3>Anyone selling you their secret to success is really just selling you.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*9dgUxCKYggboV6Q1)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Sometimes, life feels like an endless cycle of nothing.

I sat through a webinar today that my bosses wanted me to attend. It was a 101-level course that I probably could have taught at this point in my career. The presenter was a bit younger than I am and had less experience than I do but is already a high-ranking member of our professional association. She is also a contractor, which means she probably makes a lot more money than I do.

I almost immediately felt like crap. I could be doing that — teaching webinars, making big money as a contractor, generally being well-known and respected in my profession’s (very small) community. My mood fell and I generally felt like a failure. What am I even doing with my life, I wondered to myself. I could be so much more than I am, have so much more than I do.

Being a millennial, I griped about it on Facebook. I don’t know why — I guess I just needed to vent — but thankfully I have supportive friends who were kind to me. One of them, who I strongly appreciate for being very insightful, asked me a very important question:

Do I even want to be teaching webinars?

I’m not sure that I do. I probably don’t want to be a contractor, since I like my steady salary and reliable insurance. I don’t care much for the local professional association, since I am basically an optimistic, well-meaning misanthrope, so going around other people makes me hate myself. I’m not good at talking to people, and my primary notable characteristics are that I’m male (not common in the nonprofit world) and have long hair.

So what the hell do I want?

I don’t know anymore. I feel like I will never have enough in life, but I don’t know what that means. Enough money? Enough friends? Enough sanity? I don’t know what I want anymore. I’m not sure many of us know what we want anymore.

The world is on fire and everyone I know is just doing their best to make it through to tomorrow. I don’t know that most of us have the time or energy to figure out exactly what we want, and even if we did, it would take more energy than many of us have to get it. We’re all stuck on this treadmill running as fast as we can manage, but it’s never quite fast enough.

What’s worse, there are people everywhere trying to sell us the key to happiness. Some couple who sold all their belongings and live out of a van now. A guy who made $1 million by the time he was 35 AND YOU CAN TOO — HE’LL SHOW YOU HOW! Hucksters telling you how to make extra money doing something or another while selling their secret methods to line their own pockets.

I don’t think that anyone knows what they really want anymore. We all just chase whatever success we think we can grab while looking enviously at the twenty-something millionaire and the Tik Tok e-girls who look so happy with their lives.

It kills me to live like this. Honestly, I think it’s killing all of us.

If you liked this, please subscribe to my publication, Thing a Day. I publish something every day on a variety of topics, so you never know what you’re going to see!

Here are some other things I’ve written: