What am I not saying?

Summary

The text is a reflective poem about the emotional release and transformation experienced by the author when finally expressing long-suppressed feelings.

Abstract

The poem "What Am I Not Saying?" delves into the internal struggle of holding back words filled with negative emotions for years. These words, likened to a mountainous ball of vitriol, have been blocking the author's emotional flow, causing pain and regret. When the author finally opens up, expecting a destructive outpour, the words dissipate harmlessly, freeing her from the burden and allowing for emotional healing and the possibility of mending relationships. The poem concludes with a brief bio of the author, Lisa, who uses writing to process her emotions and has contributed to the poetry anthology "Poetic Notes."

Opinions

The author expresses a long history of suppressing negative emotions, which has had a toxic effect on her life.
There is a fear that the release of these emotions will be destructive, likened to an avalanche or acid.
The actual release of emotions is anticlimactic and harmless, contrasting with the author's expectations.
The poem conveys a sense of wonder and relief as the emotional blockage dissolves, suggesting a transformative and healing experience.
The author implies that the energy previously spent on suppressing emotions can now be used for positive change and healing.
Lisa's bio suggests that she values new experiences and that writing is a therapeutic tool for her, indicating a positive outlook on life despite challenges.

What Am I Not Saying?

Words attempt to fly out in a stream of anger, hate, bile. Decades of words stuck in my throat. Dagger-like piercing my neck, blocking my flow.

It grows, mountainous in size. A ball of vitriol poisoning life, joy, memories. A fishbone of regret, resentment blocking my airway. My brain, festering in a pool of unspoken words.

I open the valve, expecting an avalanche, acid eating the very marrow, a tidal wave of rotting regrets. Instead, like helium, it drifted off into the atmosphere, a gas, innocuous, invisible, incapable of piercing the most fragile of hearts.

I watched, eyes awe-filled, tear-filled as the mountain dissolved, the lump dissipated, disappeared from my life. Eyes, inward, with energy left to mend the most fragile of hearts.

Lisa likes to leap. Into new situations, jobs, even a new life. Australian born, she lives in Finland, surrounded by forest and water, sharing her love of life with her life partner. She is also a book lover, poet, songwriter, band member, mother, step-mother, daughter and teacher. Words help her process all those pesky emotions! You can find some of her work in the poetry anthology, Poetic Notes.

What Am I Not Saying?

life.

a poem

threads

a poem