We’ve Been Taught to Hate Vaginas

The shame starts early and it sticks hard

Besides sex when people think of vagina, they think blood, impurity, smell, and disgust. That’s why in many cultures the idea of a woman seated spread legged is considered “gross” and “rude”. So we grew up being told:

Close your legs,

Sit properly,

Cover up,

That’s not how a girl should sit.

If we didn’t conform we got criticized and some adults complained angrily as though the sight of a 5-year-old girl with legs apart was so disturbing it couldn’t be ignored.

At 11 when I got the first growth of pubic hair, my mother promptly told me to shave it off as hair would make my vagina look more vulgar and dirty. I should really say vulva as it’s the external part of the female genitalia that’s being referenced when people talk of the vagina.

Vulva-shaming was everywhere. It was reinforced by women that came before us, those that tiptoed around topics of female hygiene and menstruation.

As though by being born female we were guilty of something.

This unknowingly taught us to feel embarrassed about the normal functions of our genitals. And we quickly got the idea that vulvas were contaminated and any normal person would have an aversion towards them.

After all, if our mothers and women around us found our genitals shameful maybe they were.

In school, boys made fun of loose vaginas some saying, sex with her was like throwing a hot dog in a hallway. Others made fun of girls smelling like fish. Or made songs about women’s ‘flaps hanging low’. From this, we got the message that our genitals were indeed disgusting.

Sex education didn’t help either they didn’t depict real vulvas let alone stress the variety that exists. We were left to our own devices. With no education and lack of exposure, we turned to pornography to get a sense of what’s ‘normal’.

Porn showed vulvas that were perfectly groomed with no visible labia and no flaps. The vulvas that no one made fun of, the ones many adored and obsessed over. We start striving for that ideal in hopes that we would finally be accepted. This is perfectly shown in a comment made by a 14-year-old who wants her vulva augmented:

I guess I just picked up from somewhere that it wasn’t neat enough, or tidy enough, and I think I wanted it to be smaller. Sometimes people around me were watching porn and stuff and I just had this idea that it should be symmetrical and not sticking out, I thought that’s what everyone else looked like.I didn’t want to be abnormal, I didn’t want to look different.

Many girls and even women hold the same belief it’s evident by the increasing numbers of labiaplasty. Which is currently the world’s fastest-growing cosmetic surgery over 12 000 procedures are performed a year.

Everyone is capitalizing on our insecurity. There are gummies that claimed to give the vagina a sensual smell and sweetened taste. ‘Do It All’ wipes for the vulva that promises to make it more appealing.

Then gels, highlighters, and exfoliators to give you the ‘perfect V’. Everywhere we are inundated by remedy after remedy promising to make our genitals cleaner, tighter, and more detoxed.

Today we facing a crisis. Because of the shame we learned and the lack of education, many fall prey to these myths. And for years I have too. The cycle of vulva-shaming and vagina hating can be stopped by simple awareness. Here are some truths I came across in my quest to heal.

1. Labia come in all shapes and sizes

There’s no type that’s ‘abnormal’, and it’s simply not the case that everyone else out there has an invisible labia. There are about 7 different types of Labia they can be viewed here.

On top of the 7 physical forms, there are even more variations these can be seen here thanks to Laura Dodsworth who photographed over 100 vulvas. You will quickly notice that these variations are all uniquely beautiful like flowers.

2. No amount of sex will make your vagina ‘loose’

The vagina is a potential space. If there is nothing keeping it open it collapses on itself. However, its walls are designed to contract and expand.

This allows the vagina to stretch during birth and intercourse and return to its glorious form thereafter. So a ‘tight vagina’ isn’t a sign of goodness, but the evidence that you aren’t aroused enough.

3. Warm water is all that’s needed to be clean

The vagina is kept healthy and clean by ‘good bacteria’ douching and any cleansing product shoved into the vagina may wash out the good bacteria and cause bad bacteria to overpopulate. This increases the risk of vaginal and fungal infections.

Such products could also change the natural pH causing irritation and infection. All you need to do is wash the vulva with warm water. Some women are able to use soap on the vulva but for others, it leads to itching, burning, and vaginal infections.

Either way, no soap inside the vagina and no douching. Any product promising you something will cause more harm than good.

4. The vagina shouldn’t smell like roses

Vagina has a distinct smell which is unique for each person, it shouldn’t smell like roses. If a vagina smells awful that a sign of an infection.

But how is a vagina supposed to smell? According to gynecologists:

It depends, when you’re straight out of a shower it may have no smell. When you’ve just finished running a marathon, it may have a strong musky odor from all the sweat glands. When you’re menstruating or giving birth, the flinty iron-smell of blood prevails. When yeast overgrows in the vagina, you may smell like freshly baked bread or a good malt beer. Right after you’ve had intercourse, you may smell faintly bleach-like, as semen has a classic odor of its own. And when certain normal bacteria are overgrown, they release amines that smell-yup, you guessed it-like fish.

5. The hair on the vulva is not a failing on our body’s part

Pubic hair stabilizes the temperature of genitals which is especially important during intercourse and keeps debris and insects from the vagina.

It also acts as a pheromone carpet to attract potential mates. These pheromones attract partners with specific genetic traits, to create the healthiest babies.

Pubic hair produces sebum which prevents bacteria from multiplying. You can embrace your pubic hair, however, if you choose to shave off your pubic hair. I found that soaking in warm water before shaving works wonders.

6. The natural taste and smell of a vagina drives men crazy

I was surprised to learn men love the natural taste and smell of the vagina. That explains why my boyfriend would always insist we have sex as I am but I always insisted on taking a quick shower, because I was extremely self conscious.

Dr. Michael Aaron a sex therapist explained that many men enjoy the smell of a vagina, particularly when the woman is aroused and lubricated because pheromones produce a unique scent which is sexually stimulating”

Jan a 25-year-old musician explains why he finds the scent stimulating:

My first memory of the smell of pussy is the first time my high school girlfriend was grinding against my thigh with nothing but panties on. We made out and fooled around, but kept all the touching above underwear. The thing was, her panties were super thin, and she got super wet.

I didn’t notice until I got home that night that there was a white crust on the thigh of my jeans. When I smelled it, it smelled amazing. I don’t even know what drove me to smell it, but once I had, I couldn’t stop. It’s tough to describe it because it smells so uniquely like what it is. It’s a little like fresh sweat after a woman’s done exercising, but there’s always more to it. I hid those jeans by the side of my bed and would smell them and masturbate every night for like a week straight!

It’s clear that the insecurities we have, and the shame we inherited are all learned behaviors from today we can pave our paths. We can learn to embrace our flaws. To respect the vagina, love the vulva, and accept the labia. This will undoubtedly improve every area of our lives.

Before you leave

You seem to be an avid reader here are 7 reasons readers are likely to succeed

You may want to know where our chances lie in the fight against COVID-19

If you believe in redemption you may enjoy A teenager was beaten to death his crime reminded me of my own

A little advise for men and insight for women, men who watch a lot of porn suck in bed