PERSONAL & RELATIONSHIPS

Were You Ever Ghosted by Your Best Friend?

I don’t know what happened

I had already told you about my former so-called female best friend. She gradually broke off contact with me about ten years ago, “slow faded” me.

With lots of lies and excuses, and constant hope that we would meet again.

In the end, we had no more contact. She then reappeared out of nowhere about a year later.

Acting as if nothing had ever happened. She wanted something from me, though. Here you can read what that was. When I told her I didn’t want to go with her, I didn’t get an answer.

The contact broke off again after this short exchange via Instagram direct message.

I wrote her I didn’t want to go there with her due to the circumstances of how it went between us. There was no response at all.

I foolishly hoped for some kind of response.

There was no apology, which would have been unlikely anyway. But when she contacted me again after a year out of nowhere, I expected more.

At least at that moment. But in retrospect, it was clear to me. She contacted me for one reason: she needed something.

Looking back, it was always like that. If she wanted something, she contacted me. If we just wanted to meet, she usually found something better to do. Canceled at short notice.

Then she got in touch again of her own accord when it suited her. I contacted her regularly and drove to her place to meet. We always did what she wanted, and went where she wanted.

My suggestions were first accepted and highly praised.

Then shortly before, she changed her mind. I don’t understand how I could think she was my friend for so long. My best friend. She emphasized that so often.

That she was so happy to know me. That I’m so important to her. That I help her so much, that I am always there for her.

Her, her, her. It was always about her.

She was always looking for her advantage.

Badmouthed other people and their ideas, including me. She was friendly when she needed something. After that, she didn’t care.

She ghosted me from that day on, for many years. I asked her once more if we could talk. No reply. I left it like this.

There’s a pattern. I didn’t realize that until years later. I was too nice. Too helpful. Too selfless. Never thought about myself, and never stood up for me.

She used me to her advantage. I paid for things for her, took her everywhere in the car, and went to events I didn’t want to go to.

She wouldn’t even walk 5 minutes across the pedestrian crosswalk. So I had to drive around to pick her up. 15 minutes further by car, when fetching her and when bringing her home. I had a 30-minute drive to get to her anyway.

She was never once at my place in all those years, I always drove to her.

I brought food or we went out to eat. I even brought her cigarettes, even though I didn’t smoke myself.

She never gave me the money for it. She had a job and a car, but she was always too comfortable.

I see the parallels to my narcissistic ex. I paid for everything, did everything, and always drove. Got him cigarettes and drove long detours to do things for him.

He never made even one compromise for me. He decided what we did, when, and how. What I had to do. Like her.

I learned from it. Learned to say no. Learned to stand up for myself. Learned not to let myself be taken advantage of.

I am going my way. Without the ballast of people who pull me down and take advantage of me.

Join with my link to get full access to all stories on Medium!

About Me — Iris B. Stehn ▪ Twitter ▪ Facebook