Why You Should Stop Being Afraid of Negative Emotions

To feel is to be human.

Yesterday, I woke up already in a dark mood. I was annoyed at myself, at anyone else around, at the world. I was sullen, emotional, fed up with humankind and depressed with my current living situation.

Everything was setting me off.

I felt helpless, and annoyed that I was so moody. So I snapped, and immediately felt guilty for taking it out on the only person who was around to listen.

Sound familiar? How many of us have ever done this? We wake up irritated, and take it out on the world.

But here’s the thing — sometimes we wake up on the wrong side of the bed, and that’s actually okay. We all have bad days where emotions get the better of us. Sometimes, things aren’t perfect and while there may be many things that we can change, we need to realize that sometimes control is out of our reach. And that is okay too.

It only becomes unhealthy when we feel the urge to spread our bad mood around. But, we can avoid that by letting emotion out in other ways, rather than holding it all in until we feel like we’re going to break.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve held myself to a high standard. Always the perfectionist, always the one trying to prove herself. It wasn’t so much proving that I could do better than other people, as proving to myself that I was doing the best for me.

It was like a constant competition with myself. I knew I was capable of doing things well — so if I didn’t meet the standards in my mind, I felt inadequate.

For instance in high school, especially in the later years, I would often be up late working on reports or projects. My mom would walk by and say something along the lines of, “That looks great honey, looks like you’ll be done soon so make sure you get some rest.” To which I would evidently respond, “Mom, this is only the second draft.”

I don’t remember all of those moments, but it doesn’t surprise me. Even if I knew the project was already good, more often than not I was convinced it could still be better.

And this habit/lifestyle has carried over into my adult life, in more ways than one.

Example: it kills me to be late for work. It didn’t matter if I was working minimum wage at a gas station, or working at an autism center where clients relied on me to be there at my best. Either way I would plan to arrive way in advance, planning out how long it took to drive, packing food, making sure I had materials, etc.

If I wasn’t going to show up early and 100% prepared, then I would rather not show up at all. That’s how much of a control freak I was (and still am, to some extent).

But until this year, I never actually realized that this applies to my feelings and how I hold myself to an emotional standard as well. Don’t get me wrong — I cry; I have many moments of anger, sadness, and frustration. But for years, I would always experience guilt for feeling that way and expressing it, even if it was only to myself.

After I cried, for whatever reason, I would be embarrassed for showing any weakness. I was ashamed to fulfill the stereotype of ‘another emotional female’, rather than accepting myself as simply a human being.

So if I ‘got up on the wrong side of the bed’, I used to do everything I could to put myself in a better mood and not let it affect the rest of my day. I would listen to music, watch a funny video, exercise, eat something healthy, or read inspirational quotes.

Whatever worked to shove the negativity aside, rather than actually dealing with it.

I would tell myself I was fine, cover up the bad stuff with happy music and inspirational quotes, and plaster on a smile for the day.

There’s definitely something to be said for making an effort to make yourself feel better, but at the same time, my God sometimes it’s exhausting.

Do we really have to be happy-go-lucky all the time? No. But that doesn’t mean we should have a pity-party or dwell in negativity, either.

“Your emotions make you human. Even the unpleasant ones have a purpose. Don’t lock them away. If you ignore them, they just get louder and angrier.”

―Sabaa Tahir, A Torch Against the Night

The truth is, especially in times like these in which our normal routines are interrupted, the present is in a stressful limbo, and the future is pretty uncertain, we need to understand and accept that negative emotions are valid. And that’s regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, what your situation is, and what stage of life you’re in.

We’re allowed to be angry. And sad. And scared. We’re allowed to let it all out in a healthy manner.

I’m not going to let those feelings govern my life, but I know now that I’m definitely allowed to feel bad about it.

You are too. We all have have things going on, and being emotional sometimes is nothing to be ashamed of.

So if you’re like me and have essentially guilt-tripped yourself into trying to be positive all the time, do yourself a favor. Please give yourself some credit, and cut yourself some slack.

Releasing emotions isn’t the mark of someone weak and hormonal. It’s human. It’s necessary and cathartic — as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else.

If you get up on the wrong side of the bed, it’s really okay. You can be pissed off at the world for a little while.

Just don’t take it out on other people.

Give yourself some time to wallow, cry, scream into a pillow, or write a long, angry rant in your journal. Let those negative emotions out, and allow yourself to process them. Ultimately suppressing them will only make it worse, so let them out and it’ll be easier to move on.

We live and learn. I’m going to take each day in stride, getting done what I can, but also making an effort to put less pressure on myself. I hope you do too.

Because honestly, life is what you make of it. While I don’t want to live in anger, as they say — there can be no sunshine without a little rain, right?

So even when it sucks, we need to learn to embrace the rain.

© Samantha Blake 2020

More life lessons: