3 Invaluable Lessons From Being Young, Broke, and In Love

Money comes and goes, but love changes everything.

I stared at the computer screen, fighting my rising panic over the money (or lack thereof) left in my bank account. I’d just paid my monthly bills, and still didn’t have a job. My boyfriend hadn’t gotten paid yet, and wouldn’t for a while.

Next month I honestly wasn’t sure what we would do.

As I felt my chest once again tightening with stress, my partner entered the room and wrapped me in a bear hug from behind. He buried his face in my shoulder, mumbling something about having made dinner for the two of us.

Despite my worry, I managed a smile and tilted my head back to let him plant a kiss on my cheek.

Without a word, he reached over me and closed the computer screen. “We’ll figure it out,” he said softly, and gently pulled me behind him to go eat dinner. I relaxed a little and followed him.

It was safe to say we were completely broke, but at least we were in love. Right?

Here’s the thing — I’m by no means an expert, but there’s really nothing like the feeling of being totally infatuated with someone. Even when you’re stressed out of your mind, someone you adore walks in the room and somehow, that person has the power to make you feel a little bit better about the world.

There’s a reason there are so many songs, books, and poems about it! It’s a chemical reaction that’s both captivating and intoxicating.

And when you’re young, all your worries seem to fall aside when that person enters your life. Sometimes they seem to become the only thing that matters.

But — the truth is that it’s also important to keep an eye on real life, because being head over heels can have the tendency of pulling a veil over your reality. And, love can actually take some work, too.

“Beginnings are easy, but after that, happiness takes some work.” — Liz Thebart, ‘Walk Away’.

These are the 3 most important lessons I’ve learned from being young, broke, and madly in love.

1. Learn to communicate, even when it’s hard or it’s something you don’t want to talk about.

If you’re in it together, then learn to be honest. The good, the bad, and unfortunately, also the ugly.

Money problems can put a strain on any relationship, let alone one that’s just starting out. Keeping secrets or concealing truths, like debt, will only cause more problems down the line.

I live with my partner; we know we want to be together long-term. We’re okay in our situation, and incredibly happy, but money is damn tight.

We share some bills and will share many more down the road, so it doesn’t make sense for me to conceal the fact that I have substantial credit card debt or that he has a pretty big monthly car payment. And that’s especially true now that we’re in a situation where only one of us is steadily working (thank you, coronavirus).

“True love is when you put someone on a pedestal, and they fall — but you are there to catch them.” ~Author Unknown

Yes, I’m embarrassed by my money problems, but he isn’t particularly proud of his, either. (I hope if you’re reading this you are better at financial planning than we were!)

But we accept it, and each other.

When you’re in love, you’re in it together. Face your problems by being honest about them.

Take it from someone who’s made the mistake of hiding things to paint myself in a better light — you’ll avoid resentment and further struggles down the line by laying things out on the table upfront.

And that leads me to the second lesson:

2. Have an “if-shit-hits-the-fan” fund.

You might also call it a savings account, emergency money fund, or simply a backup plan. Whatever you want to call it — make it a priority. Seriously.

Sometimes when we’re deeply in love with someone, we become blind to things that could potentially hurt us. We may put our trust places that we shouldn’t, and because we didn’t plan ahead, we find ourselves stuck in a bad situation.

But if you make it a priority to build up a chunk of cash, regardless of what happens or who you’re with, even if you find yourself in a bad place you’ll have that option to get yourself the hell out.

Years ago I was in a very toxic relationship, and I was thankfully able to leave because I had built up some money. If I had become dependent on him, I would have felt very trapped when things got really bad.

Being in love is awesome; being prepared lets you fully enjoy it.

3. Love doesn’t conquer all, but it sure does help.

In my first “real” relationship, I believed for a very long time that love truly had the power to conquer all.

We were long distance for several years, and we made it work. Talking every day, spending summers and the holiday season together, and sending letters and gifts to keep the flame alive. We were from different countries, and had plans to get married eventually once we both finished school.

But then when we did finish school and started really looking at our lives, we realized… we no longer had anything in common, other than our love for one another. We didn’t have the same goals, and didn’t want the same things.

We were still figuring out who we were for ourselves, and love simply wasn’t enough to keep our relationship alive.

I definitely don’t think two people have to be the same sort of person to have a great relationship. After all, they say that opposites attract.

However, I’ve come to learn that caring deeply and having attraction to someone isn’t necessarily enough to make love last. You need to be willing to communicate about what you want, and at least be on the same page about the major stuff. You need to be willing to work at it, learn, and compromise.

And there’s definitely something to be said for knowing who you are as a person before you can truly open up to and built a life with someone else.

Love doesn’t do it all on its own; you have to be an active participant.

Being broke is never fun. Being young can be a wild ride. Being in love has the power to transform our whole life. And the combination of the three, is truly a thing to behold.

The majority of us have all probably been there at some point — and maybe some of us still are. But if we play our cards right, we don’t all have to make the same mistakes along the way.

Cliché as it sounds, the truth is that we don’t know what tomorrow will bring. It’s up to us to hold onto the ones we love and do what we can to make this ‘ole life better for them. And that they do the same for us.

Youth will pass, and money will come and go. But (at the risk of sounding incredibly cliché again) real love — the kind where you can bare your soul, go through the nitty-gritty together, and love each other even more deeply on the other side — can change everything.

Remember that, and cherish it. Because it’s worth it in the end.