We Are the Mexican People Greg Abbot Dropped at Kamala Harris' House

It took the migras just a few hours to find us.

Hello, it is us, your friendly alien neighbors south of the border, so don't shoot. No, seriously, please don't! We come in peace.

Don't worry. Even though we are perfectly capable of speaking English, we will throw around the mandatory random phrase in Spanish, so you'll know we are, in fact, authentic Mexican people, big sombrero and all. Ajuua!

As you all are aware, and as many travel bloggers have kindly informed you, some of us are good people. Like, real good. However, it is also true that every Mexican person keeps a desire deep in their heart: We want to move to the USA.

We have it bad for you, folks!

It's almost as if it were part of our genetic code. Either that or it's fed to us in all of the corn and beans we eat 24/7.

So, a bunch of us got together and decided to join the rest of our familias and find the American dream. We were so close to making it. However, there was a little detail that gave us away.

That forsaken yellow filter.

It took the migras just a few hours to find us.

That's right.

Our coyote — aka the human trafficking professional who helped us come here — warned us not to get too close to each other as this would activate the Mexican yellow filter that comes around whenever too many of us get together in the same spot.

He said, "Okay, listen up, Pedro and Maria, you better stay at least two meters away from each other, or you will trigger that goddamn yellow filter."

His mistake? We all are called either Pedro or Maria. Puta madre. Guess he was a rookie.

It took the migras just a few hours to find us, and up we were on some buses headed to the house of some Kamala woman. We were told she was going to give us a home and some of those tortillas we like so much.

What a bunch of lies…

Goodbye, our dear gringos, and see you soon.

I guess at this point, you have seen us on the news. All those shows keep talking about how we were dropped out in the cold, snow all around us to make it extra sad.

Sure enough, our group probably included people from many different countries, but we all look alike, so let's just say we were all Mexican. The truth makes no difference at all. Am I right?

It was probably a mistake to come up here during this time of year when good-hearted fellas celebrate the tradition of telling poor people in search of shelter to go fuck themselves.

It's in the scriptures!

Surprisingly, we know how to use the internet, so we have seen your tweets saying how shameful this is. Thank you so very much; you are really making a difference! Go give yourself a nice pat on your non-wet back.

We are now in a comfy shelter keeping warm with some nice blankets, drinking hot chocolate, and eating buñuelos. We are running some bets on whether or not they will bring out the cages. Those look great on photo ops!

Sadly, it appears they are not the fad at the moment, so maybe we'll try again in 2024 to make sure some journalists get nice shots of us you can get outraged about. Hey, have to keep the news cycle going!

In the meantime, we will be sent back to the nearest Mexican border town, even if it is far away from the country we came from. Remember: anything south of the border is Mexico, no matter what.

This will allow us to work hard to get more money to give the next coyote. Better make it an experienced one this time, though!

So, goodbye, our dear gringos, and see you soon. We will make sure you always have someone to bring you a freshly made burger at 3 am and a skillful hand that picks up from the ground those sweet strawberries you like to add to your smoothies.

Adiós, amigos, adiós, and let la Virgencita take care of you!

P.S. You can send us some dollars here. You want to keep us away, right? This is your chance!