Want to Know What Really Makes You Attractive And How to Use It?
Enhancing your relationships with your knowledge of the psychology of attraction
Attraction can be a complex phenomenon, and it’s not always easy to pinpoint exactly what makes someone attractive. However, despite this complexity we have been able to identify a number of factors that play significant roles in attraction, and to get the broad picture we will take a look at:
- what’s behind this psychology of attraction,
- what makes us attractive, and
- how you can use this knowledge in your own relationships.
What’s behind this psychology of attraction
The psychology of attraction is a phenomenon that involves various factors like physical appearance, personality traits, non-verbal cues, and according to the men of science, even our evolutionary history. And attraction can be influenced by someone's culture and societal context as well as their personal experiences. Understanding how these factors play into what or who is considered attractive helps improve our chances of finding compatible partners.
What makes us attractive
1. The way we look
This is one of the most obvious factors that influence attraction. People tend to be attracted to people they consider physically appealing. Although what constitutes physical attractiveness can vary based on a number of other factors like culture, gender, and personal preferences.
In Western cultures, for example, traits like symmetrical facial features and a slim build are often seen as attractive. In contrast, some African cultures view a larger body size as a sign of health and attractiveness. Similarly, while men in Western cultures are often attracted to women with a more “feminine” appearance (smaller waist-to-hip ratio, fuller lips, etc.), some cultures place more emphasis on a woman’s strength and ability to bear children.
2. Our personality
While physical appearance is certainly an important factor in attraction, it’s not the only thing that matters. Personality traits also play a significant role in determining who we find attractive. So, individuals that are warm, kind, and compassionate can be seen as more attractive than those who are cold, distant, or hostile.
Research has also shown that people tend to be attracted to individuals who are similar to themselves in terms of personality. This is known as the “similarity-attraction” principle, and it suggests that we feel more comfortable and connected to people who share our values, interests, and worldviews.
“So, individuals that are warm, kind, and compassionate can be seen as more attractive than those who are cold, distant, or hostile.”
3. The signals we give
In addition to physical appearance and personality, our non-verbal cues play key roles. These include things like body language, eye contact, and vocal tone.
So we often tend to view people who make frequent eye contact, smile often, and use a warm and inviting tone of voice as more attractive than those who avoid eye contact, frown frequently, or speak in a monotone voice.
Research has also shown that these non-verbal cues can be used to signal interest and attraction. For instance, when talking to someone who is interested in you, you may see them lean in closer, touch your arm, or tilt their head to the side. Similarly, individuals who are not interested may lean back, avoid physical contact, or maintain a neutral facial expression.
4. What the scientists say
Finally, according to the men of science, attraction is not purely a social or cultural phenomenon. Evolutionary psychologists suggest that our preferences for certain physical and personality traits may be rooted in our biology and evolutionary history. This means that traits like symmetry and a slim build may be viewed as attractive because they are associated with health and fertility. Similarly, personality traits like kindness, compassion, and warmth may be seen as attractive because they signal an individual’s potential ability to provide care and support to future offspring.
All this can certainly help us understand why certain traits are considered attractive and also give us insights into our own preferences and behaviors.
“For instance, when talking to someone who is interested in you, you may see them lean in closer, touch your arm, or tilt their head to the side.”
How you can use the knowledge of attraction in your relationships
So, now that we’ve explored what makes someone attractive, how can you use this knowledge to enhance your own relationships? Here are a few tips:
- Work on your physical appearance: while physical appearance isn’t the only thing that matters, it’s still an important factor in attraction. Taking care of your body by exercising regularly, eating a healthy diet, and practicing good hygiene doesn't just make you look good, it will help you feel more confident and attractive.
- Focus on developing positive personality traits: in addition to physical appearance, personality traits like kindness, compassion, and warmth can make you more attractive to others. Focus on cultivating these traits in yourself and demonstrating them in your relationships.
- Pay attention to non-verbal cues: cues like eye contact, body language, and vocal tone can also play a big role in attraction. Pay attention to these cues in your own behavior and make an effort to use positive non-verbal cues to signal interest and attraction. Being aware of the cues of your partner and other people you interact with will help know how they are really feeling quicker in case you may need to modify your own behavior. However, keep in mind that certain cues can mean different things to different people so it could be a good idea to seek clarification before assuming someone’s non-verbal cues if you are not very familiar with them.
- Embrace similarities: remember the “similarity-attraction” principle mentioned earlier. So embrace similarities between you and your partner, and try to find common ground in terms of interests, values, and worldviews.
Though the attraction is complex and many-sided, understanding the factors that contribute to it can enhance your own relationships and improve your chances of finding a compatible partner. By working on your physical appearance, focusing on positive personality traits, paying attention to non-verbal cues, embracing similarities, and recognizing the role played by evolutionary history, you can become more attractive to others and build more fulfilling relationships.
Enjoy unlimited access to all stories on Medium.com by signing up using my referral link. Subscription is only $5/month and at no extra cost to you, you support all the writers you read on the platform.
