The Big 5 Pieces of Advice from People Who Should Know

Are you tired of the same old long list of relationship advice? Well, this is something different.

Couples who have been together for decades spill the tea on their secrets to long-lasting love. Because if anyone knows a thing or two about sustaining long-term relationships, it’s most definitely those who have actually lived it. This is sort of the inside scoop from couples who have been together for a lifetime, and their advice is pure gold!”

1. R. E. S. P. E. C. T

When life coach and New York Times bestselling author, Mark Manson asked his readers who had been married for 10+ years and were still happy in the relationship he noticed that from the about 1,500 responses, the one thing talked about by people in happy marriages going on 20, 30, or even 40 years was, respect!

“What I can tell you is the #1 thing . . . is respect. It’s not sexual attraction, looks, shared goals, religion or lack of, nor is it love. There are times when you won’t feel love for your partner. But you never want to lose respect for your partner. Once you lose respect, you will never get it back.” — Laura

Why is respect crucial for the success of a long-term relationship? Well, it is the foundation upon which trust, love, honesty, and understanding stand. When we respect our partners, we acknowledge their individuality and honor their opinions. For instance, partners must understand that they are two different individuals with minds that have been constructed over a lifetime and that are still evolving. Therefore, they will see many things differently and their opinions on certain things are likely to clash but this doesn’t mean either opinion is invalid. Partners must also respect and honor each other’s beliefs, and feelings, consider their needs, and regard them as having value and deserving of attention.

Respect creates a safe space for open communication, conflict resolution, and compromise. It fosters a sense of intimacy, closeness, and connection. Without respect, there can be no love or appreciation, only resentment, and contempt. It erodes the quality of the relationship and can lead to its eventual breakdown. Therefore, respect must be a top priority in any relationship. More importantly, giving respect and receiving it in return, creates a virtuous cycle of love, trust, and happiness.

• Respect is the glue that holds it all together.
• Respect fosters a sense of connection invaluable to long-term relationships.
• Mutual respect creates a cycle of love, trust, and happiness.

2. The ultimate connection hack is to align your core values so your little differences won’t matter as much

Having similar core values is foundational to a long-lasting relationship because they keep partners feeling connected to and feel safe with each other. It provides a shared understanding and a common ground for the partners.

Core values are the fundamental beliefs and principles that shape one’s thoughts, decisions, and actions. When couples share similar core values, they are more likely to understand and respect each other's perspectives, resulting in deeper levels of trust, communication, and empathy.

“Core values are the character traits that matter and the beliefs that guide your behaviors, actions, and decisions. We both valued honesty, spirituality, hard work, devotion to family, and — the big one — integrity. I believe that sharing these core values is what has kept our marriage intact through the ups and downs. He is my best friend, my love, my soul mate. And I would do it all over again.” — Linda (47 years)

Other examples of core values include gender roles, religion, family, accountability, loyalty, communication, and trust.

The first step is, of course, to determine what your core values are, which will require some honest, deep introspection about the things you really care about because if you don't know what they are it will be impossible to know with whom your core values align. It is only then that you will reap the many, many benefits like:

• easier decision-making and problem-solving;
• a high sense of stability and consistency;
• ability to minimize conflicts; and
• the strength to navigate through life’s obstacles.

And when it comes to those little differences, happily they can be healthy because aside from little differences not being foundational to how you operate as a couple, they allow partners to maintain an individual sense of self.

In essence, having similar core values is among the top 5 because the alignment goes to the foundations of the relationship, allowing partners to build a strong, healthy, and long-lasting relationship based on mutual respect, understanding, and a strong connection.

• Know your values.
• Learn each other's values.
• Make sure your values align with your partner’s.
• An alignment of core values establishes the much-needed stability and consistency in the relationship.

3. Keep it real, and enjoy the ride!

Do you find yourself feeling disappointed in your relationship? Maybe it is because your expectations are not realistic. We all want fairy tale romances but expectations don’t always match up with reality and that is when frustrations, resentment, or even anger set it and threaten what would otherwise be a beautiful thing.

“You are absolutely not going to be gaga over each other every single day for the rest of your lives, and all this ‘happily ever after’ bullshit is just setting people up for failure. They go into relationships with these unrealistic expectations. Then, the instant they realize they aren’t ‘gaga’ anymore, they think the relationship is broken and over, and they need to get out. No!” — Paula

The cure is to, early on, manage those expectations because it is easy to get swept up in the euphoria of a new flame. Just remember they are human, flaws and all.

4. Stay open-minded about the S. E. X

You knew all along no list would be complete without talking about this.

Your sex life is very important in long-term relationships because it plays a crucial role in maintaining intimacy, connection, and also factors in overall satisfaction. It is a unique aspect of a relationship that allows for a deep level of physical and emotional connection between partners and so a fulfilling sex life will help strengthen the emotional bond between you and promote overall relationship satisfaction.

Conversely, a lack of sexual intimacy can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, resentment, and eventually, disconnection. It is, therefore, important to also prioritize and invest in this area to ensure a healthy and fulfilling partnership.

Having an open mind about sex in your relationship allows for exploration, growth, and connection with your partner. Keeping an open mind means being willing to communicate openly about your desires, needs, and boundaries. It also means being open to trying new things and being accepting of your partner’s preferences.

“What I’ve learned over 22 years is to always be honest, but never hurtful, and to keep experimenting sexually. We live by the rule of GGG, which is short for good, giving, game: You should strive to be good in bed, give each other equal time and pleasure, and be game for anything — within reason.

What I thought was hot at 25 when we were first married isn’t necessarily what I think is hot now, so you never know what you might like if you don’t try it. My husband has also done a ton of investigation into different sexual techniques, which has led to the most powerful orgasms I’ve ever had — in my 40s!

The other crucial element is that we never, ever criticize each other’s bodies. In our 22 years, not once has my partner made me feel ashamed of my body. Instead, he’s made me feel celebrated. In turn, I’m comfortable enough with him to do anything — I know all he sees is a dope lady who is his mate for life.” — Toby, (22 years)

And lastly…

5. It’s vital you learn how to fight …in a good way

Love isn’t just about sunshine and rainbows- it’s about learning to weather the storms together. An absolutely crucial skill every long-term couple needs to master: fighting effectively in a way that strengthens the bond, not breaks it. For example, couples who can express their feelings and opinions without attacking or criticizing their partner have a higher chance of resolving conflicts and maintaining a healthy connection.

It’s essential to communicate respectfully, actively listen, and find compromises that satisfy both parties. However, going overboard with arguments can lead to resentment, hurt feelings, and even breakups.

Therefore, it’s vital to learn how to fight properly, where both partners feel heard, respected, and understood. So, low blows are definitely out! In your conflicts the goal isn’t to come out on top, it should be to understand, accommodate and ultimately, resolve.

• Yelling is not normal! getting angry is, but there is a right way to express that anger.
• Resolve one issue at a time preferably in different conversations.
• Express contrary opinions without attacking or criticizing.
• Never let fights devolve into a mere blame game.
• Never let fights devolve into name-calling matches.
• Never bring up previous mistakes, offenses, or fights into a new one, it just makes it messier.

Sustaining a long-term relationship requires effort and commitment. It's not always going to be easy, but implementing the gems in this piece will definitely increase the likelihood of you maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship with your partner. Remember, when it comes to conflicts prioritize your relationship, keep the romance alive, communicate effectively, rely heavily on your shared values, and above all, maintain that respect for one another. With these, you can build a strong foundation that will withstand the tests of time and keep you closer to your partner than ever before.

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