Want To Help Your Girl To Love Her Body? Stop Doing These 5 Things
Growing up in our image-conscious society is challenging, so let’s prepare our daughters.
All it took was one comment, one remark that unleashed a lifelong obsession.
This is the story of my close friend, Paula. At the age of fifteen, she overheard relatives discussing her from her vantage point behind the door. One aunt complimenting her appearance, with the other one, a fitness fanatic, remarking:
She’s pretty but could do with losing a couple of pounds.
This thoughtless observation triggered a saga of crash diets, furious calorie counting, and gorging on laxatives. Her weight fluctuated heavily, and her appearance consumed her every waking thought. For years, the dial on her scales was the only thing that mattered.
Girls don’t want to be fat
My friend’s story took place even before Zuckerberg created websites to rate women. But with social media part of the fabric of girls’ lives, girls now are more on show than we ever were, and so is their appearance.
Cartoons jumpstart the internalization of lifelong beauty ideals
However, internalization about thinness and attractiveness starts years before girls create an Insta account. A 2010 study shows that 87% of female characters are portrayed as underweight in over 180 popular children’s cartoon programs — that’s right, slim is no longer the ideal, skinny is the aspiration.
And other researchers analyzed the top 25 children’s videos. They found that over two-thirds of these videos linked beauty and thinness with positive personality traits (kindness, for instance), with 75% of the videos linking obesity with unsympathetic features. As you may expect, Cinderella and The Little Mermaid top the list, whereas ET has the least amount of body-related messages.
We shouldn’t be surprised then by the findings of a recent study by the Girl Scouts that showed 80% of 10-year-old girls are afraid of getting fat,
According to the Girl Scouts guide ’Yes, your daughter just called herself fat’, written by developmental psychologist, Andrea Bastiani Archibald these girls worry because,
“they’re constantly surrounded by both subtle and direct messages that curvier or heavier girls aren’t as well liked, aren’t as likely to succeed in business, and in general, aren’t going to have as much fun or happiness in their lives.”
Consider global study findings of nearly 70% of adult women reporting that they pass on activities due to a lack of body confidence. It follows that girls worrying about being fat can trigger a perpetual struggle with body acceptance, like Paula.
Are adults to blame?
The numbers above suggest feeling self-conscious about weight can start at a tender age. And, as with Paula, sometimes adults are the catalyst. However, just like Paula’s aunts, parents mightn’t know how their comments or behavior influence girls still developing emotionally.
It isn’t easy to bring up daughters in our image-conscious society. But did you know there might be a few things you’re unwittingly doing that could do untold damage?
Five things you can stop doing now to help your daughter
It is easier than you think. All it takes is awareness and attention.
- Obsessing about your body shape or general appearance.
If your daughter is unhappy with her body shape, she might have overheard you criticizing your own weight. Children are wise, and they will notice adults refusing chocolate every time.
Archibald says:
“Your daughter listens to everything you say — and if you’re picking yourself apart in front of the mirror or complaining about your weight, there’s a good chance that she’ll follow in your self-disparaging footsteps,”
Instead, be kind to your body and model the behavior you’d like your daughter to adopt.
- Disagreeing with your daughter when she tells you: ‘I’m fat.
Also, if parents tell her she isn’t fat, she’s gorgeous, they can give her the message that being curvy is not beautiful. Telling her she isn’t fat is dismissing her genuine concern. Rather, listen to her worries and find out why she thinks that way.
- Not putting a context around tv, social media, and marketing.
Research shows that the more reality television a girl sees, the more likely she will find appearance important. So, while watching The Kardashians might be your favorite way to unwind, if you’re doing it in front of your daughter, remember to put the Kardashians’ body talk in perspective. The same goes for marketing messages and images shared on social media.
- Not taking any exercise yourself
Not going on outdoor activities with your family or even going for a run doesn’t set a great example. By showing exercise is a healthy part of life, she will learn that moving her body is a great stress and anxiety buster.
- Focusing on what bodies look like rather than what they can do.
Everybody loves complimenting kids. But if we focus our praise on what girls look like, we emphasize the importance of appearance. Talk about what different parts of her body can do instead (Think: strong arms for climbing, long legs for running.)
Positive things parents can do to help girls embrace their shape
- Take an interest in what media your daughter consumes and the body-related content it contains.
- Involve both parents; this is not just a mum-daughter thing.
- Acknowledge we come in all shapes and sizes and talk about this openly.
- Have meals together as a family, and enjoy them without worrying about calories.
- Come up with some phrases your daughter can use when other kids comment on her shape.
Final thoughts
In our image-obsessed society, it’s no wonder 80% of 10-year-old girls are afraid of getting fat.
Raising girls in a world where women are told that being thin and beautiful is the key to a successful life is challenging. In fact, most caregivers aren’t even aware they are contributing to their daughter’s concerns.
Parents who want to help their daughters love their shape need to avoid five simple things. By not obsessing about their own weight, acknowledging their daughter’s concerns, putting media messaging in context, taking exercise together, and focusing on how bodies work, they will go a long way towards their daughters accepting their bodies. No matter what their size.
Just like Paula, our daughters deserve nothing less.
More by the same author
Further reading:https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/17482798.2010.496917?journalCode=rchm20https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16864302/https://encompass.eku.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?referer=&httpsredir=1&article=1049&context=etd