HUMOR

Viral Nostrils and Butt Battles

The undeniable humor of human body holes

How many holes are in the average human body? I’m no doctor, but I watch anatomy videos on the toilet and listen to medical podcasts while I shower. By today’s standards that makes me an expert.

Now that I’ve established my credibility, you’ll agree the average human has five holes above the neck and two or three below the belly button. The navel is more of a crater than a hole — no bodily fluids spew out unless it comes unbuttoned. If you spring a leak, consult an actual MD.

As for the holes that do excrete, the humor content of bodily fluids is immeasurable. Mucus, ear wax, vomit and toilet deposits provide fodder for even the most amateur jokesters. According to a pseudo-scientific study I’ll oversee someday, 69% of people ages 2–102 can’t resist laughing at the endless antics of human body holes.

The proof is in the peanuts

Since my aforementioned study will never be published, I’ll offer evidence right here. My highest earning story features a duel over a porcelain throne — a penis and a urethra battling it out to deposit their pee. With over 11K views it has raked in a whopping $422.13 USD to date. I’m currently in conversations to option the rights to comic artists.

When MuddyUm published the butt humor prompt I realized there is no age limit to an audience for ass-centric humor.

Nose holes are nothing to sneeze at

My second-highest earner features two of the five head holes — the now notorious nostrils. The pandemic led to unfiltered shaming of exposed noses. It was no longer acceptable to wander around in public without covering them up. Nose hair exposure became as taboo as pubic hair sightings.

If you like details, this story has attracted more views, 343K, and fewer dollars, $286.81, compared to the bare butt tale.

Folks half-assing compliance with mask mandates throughout the nation have been wearing their face coverings at half-mast.

Body holes go viral

What qualifies as ‘viral’ online content? I admit my 11K views may have missed the mark — but it’s the closest I’ve come. If you’ve been searching for your own $400 idea, explore the caves and crevices of the human body. You just might find your golden ticket idea — or at least a bit of ear wax.

Join the fun — and potentially rake in some dough

Humans don’t outgrow fart jokes and most MuddyUm prompts don’t expire.

Rachael Ann Sand writes about life’s lessons and experiences including educational, humorous, and personal pieces. Thought provoking, informative, and often entertaining, her writing style is infused with personality. Rachael earned a B.S. in Education, Teaching Licensure, Parenting Coach Certification and Life Coach Certification. Her passion for the next generation extends to all living things. As a cyclist dedicated to a sustainable lifestyle Rachael rides through the world on two wheels.