Use Emotional Intelligence to Heal Inner Child Wounds

Reparenting yourself can create confidence and better social skills needed to thrive.

Are you struggling in relationships or with stress management as an adult? You may be suffering from an unhealed childhood wound. The good news is we can heal those wounds by raising our emotional intelligence and learning to reparent ourselves. I will guide you through how to practice these, but first, let's identify some examples of childhood trauma.

Examples of Childhood Trauma

• Not being seen, heard, or understood
• Having a parent who lives vicariously through the child
• Role reversal, where the child becomes the caregiver
• Having a parent overly focused on the outward appearance
• A parent with substance abuse issues
• Having a narcissistic parent
• A parent who brings different men (or women) home regularly
• Being left alone/ not being cared for
• Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse
• Traumatic accidents
• Divorce

How Childhood Wounds Affect Our Adult Lives

Childhood wounds cause low self-esteem and emotional maturity, resulting in difficulty with emotional regulation and conflict resolution. Many people with unhealed childhood wounds are easily offended, feel inadequate, have deep fears of abandonment, and need external validation. They have an insecure attachment style due to their needs not being met as a child, which causes trust issues and makes relationships difficult.

Childhood trauma affects every aspect of life.

The brain is less efficient and has either an inadequate or exaggerated stress response. The amygdala, responsible for emotions, goes into overdrive, causing a constant state of fight-flight or freeze. This aroused state causes the prefrontal cortex to struggle to learn and think. Someone with an unhealed childhood wound may experience difficulty concentrating or problem-solving and become hyperaroused.

Many who have experienced trauma have sleeping or eating disorders and may tend to numb out rather than face their emotions. Sometimes the childhood wound results in the adult being a workaholic. Some feel the need to overachieve, and being a workaholic is a way to avoid their feelings again.

Recognizing and Acknowledging The Wounded Child Within

We are walking around in the shells we call bodies. Those bodies change shapes and sizes as we age, but the spirit of our inner child remains.

1. Let your inner child know that you are listening and their feelings are valid.
2. Give your inner child a chance to express the fears, abandonment, or betrayal they may not have been able to do yet.
3. Let your inner child know you are in charge and will keep them safe.
4. Tell them it was not their fault.
5. Say everything to your inner child you wished your parents had said.

Reparenting

Your childhood may have lacked experiences other children take for granted. For example, if you cared for an alcoholic parent, you may have missed summers at the pool or even Prom. Perhaps your parents were abusive, and you were too ashamed of your bruises to allow friends to see, and as a result, you were isolated.

It is time to reclaim your power. It is time to peel away all the masks you have worn to please others and, frankly, to survive. So, pull out a notebook or journal and complete the following exercise.

1. Name what you missed out on in childhood and how that made you feel.
2. Do something playful to connect with your inner child. Write down how that feels.
3. Forgive. Let go of the burdens and shame you have carried. You do not need to tell the person who hurt you but do it for yourself.
4. Set boundaries and raise your emotional intelligence: practice self-love and acceptance.
5. Surround yourself with supportive and inspiring people.
6. Practice self-care and quiet the inner critic.

You cannot change your past, but you can take responsibility for the person you are and the person you are becoming. Practice awareness of your thoughts and feelings. Be aware of how you feel around others and how you affect their energy.

Practice Positive Affirmations

I love and accept myself

I deserve to thrive

I am safe

Practicing positive affirmations rewires the subconscious mind that has us believe we are not worthy and not enough because of the childhood trauma endured. You are enough, and you are worthy. Now, you need to believe that to change self-limiting prophesies.

Triggers

When you recognize and feel triggered by negative emotions, start immediately taking long, deep inhales through your nose and long, deep exhales through your nose. Continue this breathing technique until your physical symptoms, such as rapid heart rate and nausea, subside.

Triggers are usually a sign of a painful memory from the past or worry for the future. Using the breath to return to the present moment allows us to remind ourselves we are safe.

The problem is when we are triggered we easily self-sabotage ourselves as well as relationships we treasure. Our emotions simply explode and as a result we say and do things we later regret. Understanding triggers and learning to process and express emotions constructively is crucial.

Things that May Cause Triggers

• Music or sounds
• The way someone speaks or approaches you
• Thoughts/ memories
• Smells
• Places
• Feelings
• Certain Situations

You may have other triggers, but what is essential is to recognize them. Sit with your feelings and allow them. Then return to present moment awareness. Question your thoughts and ask yourself if that is your perception or reality. Reframe your thoughts by replacing negative thoughts with more helpful ones.

When triggered, we enter a fight-flight or freeze state where our thoughts become distorted. The brain lies to us. Maybe it says, "You will never amount to anything." These thoughts are not your reality. They are programming from your childhood.

Conclusion

Abuse is never okay, but childhood abuse and neglect is the worst crime. Children do not have the knowledge, skills, or tools to survive abuse and come out with good social skills and high confidence.

The good news is awareness is the catalyst for change. You can succeed in relationships and life by practicing interpersonal awareness, connecting to the child within, and reparenting yourself. Remain vulnerable desite how counter intuitive that may feel. The only way to experience a loving relationship is to let that person in.

Trust your intuition, gut instinct, when dating or in a relationship. Do not make assumptions. Have constructive conversations. Let your significant other know your past and all of your fears. Chances are they share more insecurities than you may know.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope if you experienced childhood trauma that you are ready for your comeback. After all, the comeback is always stronger than the setback. Channel your inner fire and spirit into the abundance you deserve.

Peace and Light,

Libby