Why Women Need to Stop Complaining About Men
It's time for us to start understanding the male species; they are not us
I have a lot of love for the male species, maybe because I had little brothers growing up or an uncle and Grampie that were support systems for me, but mostly, I'm a tomboy at heart, and I've always enjoyed hanging out with boys.
My first best guy friend at age ten was Shawn; he had a rat's tail and steps on the side of his sideburns, a very cool look in the nineties. We used to roll around our city together doing badass kid stuff like stealing candy and spitting on everything; the phase did not last long. He was my first male friend, and what I liked about him was how comfortable I felt in his company and how I could be myself.
Another male friend before Shawn was Will. We hung out because my mom babysat him and his sisters. Like Shawn, we had an instant friendship climbing trees and eating crab apples until our mouths would pucker.
As I reached my teenage years, into my twenties up until now my forties, I've had a few handfuls of exceptional male friends, and I understand the male species well. Still, I wanted to research to learn more about how they are different from us women.
Men are emotional creatures
Men are emotional creatures like women but don't always handle their emotions like we do. According to psychology, today, men will express their feelings, such as sadness and vulnerability, through anger and pride.
When expressing their emotions, society has portrayed them as weak. In a recent survey by elite singles, they questioned 1,500 men, and the results show that women prefer a man who is in touch and expresses his emotions. Unfortunately, 1 in 6 men still believes that women do not want them to be expressive because it will make them seem unattractive.
They pull away because they are scared
I always thought that when a man pulled away, he hinted that he wasn't that into me. I assumed because that's what I've learned throughout the years from my relationships. However, the problem is that I always felt they did like me because I wouldn't continue to engage with someone who didn't.
After watching Jonathon Aslay's YouTube videos and the author of What is Self-love Anyways, I started to understand men better. I realized that a man who pulls away might not have a proper foundation built in his life or be going through a tough time. He has enough respect not to pull you into his life until he feels stable.
According to Jonathon, another reason is the fear of intimacy, which can be related to childhood wounds depending on their childhood experience. If they haven't healed these wounds from childhood or adulthood, they could be blocked from having an intimate relationship.
So, the next time a man pulls away, have a different perception that it's him, not you.
They love us
Women love men differently from how they love us, and we have yet to understand this. When we love, we are more verbal with our emotions, but they show love through actions. This is because their brains are designed differently from ours regarding their experiences. When they start to feel love for us, their brain shuts down. That's why it's hard for them to talk about how much they care about us.
We need to understand this so we don't feel insecure and start doubting their love for us. Pay attention to his actions more than his words, and his actions will show you how much he loves you.
Does he support you when you need him? Is he making sure you get home safe after a date? Does he show that he's interested in your life? Will he stand up for you if someone is talking negatively about you? Will he fix things around the house for you? These are all actions of a man who loves you.
They are natural-born hunters
I remember my ex-husband telling me that if I had slept with him on the first date, he wouldn't have called me, and it's true because it didn't last very long with the men I slept with quickly. That's because they enjoy the hunt at the beginning of a new connection.
Of course, there needs to be a balance, and although men enjoy the chase, they also want reciprocation. I'm not talking about game-playing when it comes to men chasing women.
After reading Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, he mentions that men put women into two categories. We are either in the sports fishing or in the dream girl category. Depending on how long we allow them to hunt us, men's first goal is to get us into bed. A man interested in pursuing a specific woman like his dream girl will take his time with her if she allows him to chase her. Allowing this will enable us to set boundaries and build a proper foundation with the man. If he becomes lazy and stops pursuing you after the first two dates or so, he only wanted sex, so you didn't waste your time.
It all depends on what you want out of a connection. I always have a sense when a man will be special to me, so I never sleep with him right away. I allow it to unfold naturally, and my two greatest loves so far paid off for years because I allowed them to hunt me.
If you're looking to have a good time, feel free to sleep with them, but don't expect any commitments from them, but of course, there is always the exception to the rule.
The takeaways
Keep in mind the next time you do not understand a man.
#1 — They are emotional, just like us.
#2 — They pull away because they are scared.
#3 — They do love us.
#4 — They want to hunt us, so let them.
We must become more understanding of how men behave compared to us. The more we can understand them, the more we can connect with them, and the more they will feel safe to open up.
Jennifer Pitts is a certified nutritional practitioner. Email [email protected] if you want a consultation for nutrition and lifestyle change.