#198 — dead or alive

Up Where the AI is Clear

Stupid-shaming ChatGPT again

ChatGPT can’t write fiction that feels like it was written by a human being. That’s a bold claim to make from one experiment, but I stand by it, because I’m a writer not a scientist.

But AI’s problems run deeper than creating sociopathic fiction. ChatGPT is an idiot savant, with the emphasis on idiot. The AI ‘knows’ a lot of what is written by humans, but very little about what humans do, how they think, and what they are.

I know this because I tried another experiment, one which didn’t ask for creativity but did require a depth of knowledge about human behaviour that is understood by almost everyone, but isn’t necessarily captured in the writing ChatGPT was trained on.

Emma Wants a Kite

“Emma is eight. Her parents are divorced. She lives with her mother. Emma really wants a kite, and her parents know this. For her ninth birthday, Emma’s father gives her a kite as a present. Why is Emma not happy with her gift?”

I asked ChatGPT this question. To be fair to the AI, many people don’t immediately know the answer, but some do, some can work it out, and most instinctively understand the correct answer when they hear it. ChatGPT was close with one guess, but it couldn’t deduce the right answer because it lacks human experience.

The AI began with some introductory waffle:

Emma’s reaction to receiving a kite as a gift from her father on her ninth birthday can vary depending on her individual personality and circumstances. However, assuming she’s not happy with the gift, here are some possible reasons:

Spoiler: some of them are possible reasons. None of them are the reason.

Unmet Expectations: Emma might have had specific expectations for her birthday gift, and if a kite wasn’t what she had in mind, she could feel disappointed or let down.

But a kite was what she had in mind. I didn’t specifically state she hoped to get one as a birthday present, but I’m willing to bet you made that (correct) assumption.

Desire for More: Emma might have been hoping for a gift that holds more personal or sentimental value, or she may have wanted something that requires less effort to enjoy, such as a toy or item that aligns more closely with her interests.

Sure. Emma really wanted a kite, and told people she really wanted a kite, but she isn’t actually interested in kites and she secretly wanted an iPhone or an afternoon at the water park with her dad.

Lack of Involvement: If Emma’s father hasn’t been very involved in her life due to the divorce or other reasons, she might perceive the kite as a superficial gesture that doesn’t make up for his absence or lack of engagement.

Any gift would be a ‘superficial’ gesture, and no gift could make up for his absence (and assumed lack of engagement). But the superficial gesture Emma really wanted was a kite.

Communication Issues: If Emma’s parents didn’t communicate effectively about her birthday wishes, her father might not have been aware of her strong desire for a kite, resulting in a mismatch between her expectations and the gift received.

Wow! ChatGPT got so close with this one. But there was no mismatch between Emma’s expectations and her gift, because Emma communicated her strong desire to her parents.

Emotional Needs: Emma might be looking for emotional support, understanding, or reassurance during the challenging period of her parents’ divorce. A kite, while a fun gift, might not address these deeper emotional needs.

Emma absolutely needs emotional support, understanding, and reassurance. I hope she gets them, but she’s not as stupid as ChatGPT, and so she never expected to receive them from a kite. What she wanted from a kite was fun.

Complex Emotions: The divorce itself could be causing emotional turmoil for Emma. Receiving a kite as a gift may remind her of the family’s changed dynamics and the absence of her father in the household, leading to mixed emotions.

It is indeed ‘possible’ that her parents’ divorce caused Emma some emotional turmoil. It’s even possible that receiving any gift from her father reminds her of his absence, in a way that his absence somehow doesn’t. But she wanted a kite specifically, and it is specifically the kite that failed to make her happy.

Context and Timing: The timing of the gift in relation to the divorce or other family events could influence Emma’s reaction. If the gift is seen as a one-time gesture without a broader commitment to involvement, she might not feel satisfied.

This is the weirdest of the AI’s suggestions. Perhaps Emma’s father should have waited another year to give her the kite, and that would have made her… happier, somehow? But ignoring the timing issue, ChatGPT is on the ball with the context issue: no one expects to receive a birthday present as a one-time gesture on their birthday. We expect birthday presents constantly, every day, forever. Only then will we be satisfied. (I’m joking, of course, but that does seem to be ChatGPT’s view of rapacious humanity)

Having run out of suggestions, the AI wraps up with some general advice, none of which has any direct relevance to the question:

It’s important for Emma’s parents to maintain open communication with her and consider her emotional needs during and after the divorce. They should be attentive to her desires and feelings to ensure that she feels loved, supported, and understood during this challenging period in her life.

Accidentally, ChatGPT’s pablum gets close to the correct answer. Emma’s parent do need to communicate.

The Answer

Did you work out the correct answer? Feel free to read ahead, then come back to highlight this paragraph and tell me the answer in the comments.

Emma wanted a kite. Both her parents knew that. But Emma lives with her mum, and received her mum’s present(s) before she received her father’s.

Emma’s parents do need to communicate with Emma, but they also need to communicate with each other.

Emma’s mother bought her a kite for her birthday. That gift made Emma happy.

Emma’s father also bought her a kite for her birthday. That gift did not make Emma happy, because Emma already had a kite, and who needs two kites?

[That was a rhetorical question. I do not need to hear from kiteboarders who use two kites. Thank you]

What Didn’t ChatGPT Know?

As we established previously, AI doesn’t know the human experience. It may know what humans have written about that experience, but when we write, we leave out so much which we can assume other humans will infer.

ChatGPT doesn’t have a birthday: I know that because I asked it. Nor has it ever been given a gift (again, I asked). It’s safe to conclude, therefore, that it has never woken up on its ninth birthday excited to receive presents. The AI knew Emma lived with her mother, but has no experience which would let it infer that Emma received her mother’s gifts before her father’s.

The AI has never flown a kite, and certainly never tried flying two at once. ChatGPT knows a kite has value to Emma, but doesn’t understand the cataclysmically diminishing returns of fun involved in the investment of energy in kites.

ChatGPT has ‘read’ a lot of psychology textbooks, but it has never been a child, and never had fun. I could almost feel sorry for AI, if it wasn’t stealing our jobs.

Am I Being Unfair?

No. You can’t be unfair to a computer program.

But also, yes.

I asked ChatGPT the same question again, except this time I specified that Emma received a kite from her mother first, and then another from her father.

Among the familiar responses was this suggestion:

Lack of Coordination: If Emma’s parents did not communicate with each other about the gifts they were planning to give, it could have resulted in duplicated or mismatched presents, which might have been disappointing for Emma.

So maybe ChatGPT does understand basic kite economics. It still can’t fly one, though.

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