Freakiness

UNSPOTTED

Spit & Polish

I have matured in age, height & weight as compared to my earlier version. But developing my brain, eating habits and differentiating between my left and right-hand remains a challenge. I still can’t dress in white without spilling up my food on it. If left in an eating competition with the kids, I will be the first to be the most disorderly in the gang. My white garments slurp, swallow & magnify in the graphics of various countries. I’m glad fashion is evolving. And my background as a fashion designer helps me hide my guilt. Depending on the damage on my clothes, I pick up a sketch pen & draw it further to look good while walking out.

I’m still petrified of walking in a mansion and finding it on spic & span. So I make sure my visits are unannounced in my vicinity. But I fail to see any house untidy. The more I try, the more painful it becomes. Because if anybody visits my home, it’s going to be like a walk in the jungle. My daughter and my pet have the same weakness at picking twigs, dry leaves, and all that crumbles. So I cover with always saying, “The theme we chose jungle safari.”

But the amount of butter that can spread over a slice has its limit. So I determined to improve my den. That’s how the other guys hide it. The whole process I built in tiny steps. By assuring that I solidly built my foundations, mixing the highly advertised Giorgio Armani’s, Luminous Silk strong Foundation with cement making equal proportions to sustain an unshakable abode. As a precautionary measure where earthquakes also tremble when seeing the unwavering home.

My first step was to involve the entire family, including my dog. I got the whole family into a morning practice session where we played & honed to dodge ball. It became a ritual and still transpiring within the family. It was the nick of time plan where everyone occurs scattered in the house. Things scattered astray are shunted from one hand to another as a consequence. It stretches its destination in several blinks of people.

Oreo, my dog, was the principal character. He lived tutored to get a free body massage by attacking the clothes of the uninvited, then suddenly lying dead facing his legs in the air by holding his breath, which allowed us to have intermission time.

My cameras grew in this mission; I installed a special at the door that swung 180 degrees to catch unwanted darts towards us. If the camera detects any undesirable, it blows on the siren saying in the house,” Mugger, Spies, Critics Entering,” a drop in position for us like an army drill.

I set a decorative storage box in each room as a first aid kit to store the miscellaneous mix-up items. Sometimes, the dodging of things reaches the wrong room, so we had a secret cave to hide it.

To hide footprints & other alien indentations did the flooring in mud cake color. The next challenge was to associate my Oreos perfume with the décor of the house. Carpet is notorious for absorbing odor. Dog Boxers have a history of gas issues. I couldn’t scale his stinky monsters. Oreo for punishment was to skateboard two times a day; watering can fill with vanilla essence sputtering in the entire mansion.

The Bathrooms and the Kitchen allowed me to play creatively. I submitted to their white tile appeal. I score four-member shoes, my grasp on one each. Then I descend each member on my four legs, with waterproof muddy color paint spread out along the sole. I abided by the Charlie Chaplin & Hitler Walk. By performing Penguin & Shuffling walk in tandem. At the end of it, my Bathroom & Kitchen flooring looked like Modern Stampede art where smeared Charlie Chaplin & Hitler were in the paint, left blindfolded to walk their talk.

Learn the art of smuggling became a prerequisite talent to hold your house clean & neat. In our house, we have areas of people marked as high-traffic and low-traffic regions. High-traffic areas should have priority over the rest. If the traffic evenly distributed throughout the home, we will have a smooth running similar to driving on the road. To obtain this dream, I beat my high traffic areas by magnetized the ceiling & by placing magnetic blocks in the decorative storage box. They are contingency plans. A misguided item fails to pass the pillow game due to a shortage of workforce in the house; a magnet swiftly positioned and discharged into the roof.

Taking your mess along was another revolutionary rule for everyone. If not taken seriously penalty ticket was inflicted of 2000rs. After that, the commander chief made a wreath of the seized articles worn by the accuser for a day. With a tag saying, “I’m the one who keeps this house dirty; the rest are Angels.” If seen without it, the penalty would double. So everyone behaved as high stakes were involved.

I believe I’ve completed my mission of keeping my house a virgin. Side by side, I’m trying to make it into the Guinness book record as the most creatively futuristic houses for lazy & disabled people.

Be Open Says;

Everyone can contribute to this Open Poem!