Summary

The author argues that the concept of deservingness is subjective and unhelpful, advocating for equality and accountability without the moral judgment of worth.

Abstract

The article "Unpopular Opinion: No One Deserves Anything" presents a thought-provoking perspective on the use of the term "deserve." The author expresses discomfort with the phrase, viewing it as a controversial and unhelpful judgment of merit and worth, which are highly subjective. Emphasizing the equality of all humans, the author likens humanity to an ocean where each individual is a wave, equal in the grand scheme. The piece challenges the notion that some individuals are more worthy than others, questioning the basis of morality and who decides what is right and wrong. It suggests that our moral compass, while intended to maintain social harmony, is often influenced by selfish perceptions. The author posits that worth and merit are not ours to judge, and that pain and joy are universal human experiences, not rewards or punishments to be deserved. Instead of focusing on deservingness, the author encourages accountability and support to address situations that threaten social harmony. The article concludes that self-esteem and self-worth should be nurtured independently, without comparison to others.

Opinions

The author believes that using the term "deserve" is problematic because it implies a subjective judgment of merit and worth.
The concept of deservingness is seen as a "can of worms" that leads to varied interpretations and is not conducive to helpful discussions.
Human equality is emphasized, with the analogy of humanity as an ocean where all waves (individuals) are part of the same whole.
The author questions the validity of judging someone's worth based on their actions, suggesting that this conflates worth with accountability.
Morality is viewed as a social construct that varies across cultures and individuals, making the idea of deservingness even more subjective.
The article suggests that no one is inherently good or bad, and that life's experiences are not distributed based on merit.
It is argued that pain and joy are shared human experiences, not entitlements or penalties.
The author advocates for focusing on accountability and strategies that promote social harmony rather than debating who deserves what.
Self-esteem and self-worth are considered important but should be cultivated without comparing oneself to others, as comparison leads to a loss of worth.

Unpopular Opinion: No One Deserves Anything

Why do we keep thinking we do?

I realize how controversial this is going to be, but I’m going there anyway.

Do you know those words or phrases that people use that make you cringe on the inside? The ones that make you uncomfortable because you feel like they are just not helpful?

That’s how I feel every time someone throws out the “I /she/he/they deserve” bomb. Don’t get me wrong, people often use this word with the best of intentions, and they are not bad people for resorting to it. I just personally don’t find it helpful. At all.

I mean, really, why do we use it?

The word to deserve means “to be worthy, fit, or suitable for some reward”. Ultimately, it’s a judgement of merit and worth — two highly subjective terms that open a can of worms of interpretations.

Do you see where I’m going with this? If not I will show you.

We are all equal

Even though we try to avoid seeing this in the Western world by highlighting our individuality, it is true. We are all human. In essence, no one is superior or inferior to anybody else.

I always liked the analogy of humankind as the ocean. Each person is a single wave, but together we make up the ocean, as one fluid and moving part. We are all born and we all die in a continuum that binds us together.

You can take this literally or spiritually, but in effect, at our most basic level, we are all equal.

Evidently, we are not all entirely the same. We are of different shapes and sizes, and we have different experiences and perceptions of life. That’s what makes the ocean move. It gives life some rhythm.

So really, when we talk about worth, why do we assume some people are more worthy than others?

We say it’s because of their mistakes, their transgressions and their moral breaches, but then, are we not conflating worth with accountability?

If we are all equal, then why do we deserve different things?

Humans are gregarious creatures. That means we need each other to ensure our own survival and the survival of our species. As social beings, it’s important to establish some basic social harmony, if we are to get anything done.

I’m guessing that’s where morality came in. It works as the ‘life police’ that dictates what is wrong and what is right. What works for society and what does not. Otherwise, we would live in utter chaos, right?

If there were no rules and no moral compass, we would live selfishly in sight of our own interests and our species would have slim chances of survival.

But ironically, our illusion stems from our notion of morality. And ironically, we are often selfish in our own perceptions of what is right and wrong.

Who dictates what is right and wrong after all? Which culture, which religion, which group, which individuals? And more importantly, why them?

Who decides who is deserving and who is not?

Worth and merit are a question of morality. They are wildly subjective in that everyone will have a different notion of what constitutes being worthy.

Maybe there are basic things that are more universally accepted, like if you murder someone, but even this is up to interpretation. Some will believe a murderer deserves to die, others will believe they deserve to be shamed, imprisoned, or conversely, helped and heard.

Ultimately, none of us is God. None of us is morally superior to anyone else. None of us can decide who is worthy of living and who is not. As much as we convince ourselves that we are apt to make that call.

It’s not our call to make

Bad things happen to good people and bad people. Good things happen to bad people and good people. Good and bad are actually useless attributes in the end because no one is inherently good or bad. We are all a mix of both.

And pain and joy are accessible to each and every one of us. They are what we share in this human experience. No one is more entitled or more deserving of anything.

But we should all be accountable for our actions and those of others if they jeopardize social harmony and the ultimate survival of our species.

So next time you want to jump in a tell someone that they don’t deserve the treatment they’re getting, stop and consider how helpful this actually is. Wouldn’t the person benefit more from understanding the patterns that lead them to the situation they are in? Wouldn’t they benefit more from love, tolerance, support and strategies to help get them out of the situation?

While self-esteem and self-worth are vastly important, they should be worked on in isolation, not in comparison to others. When we start comparing worth, we lose worth. Full stop.

This piece was inspired by Jolie A. Doggett’s weekly writing prompt, “what’s your low-stakes hot take?” Thank you for the inspiration!