Unfiltered

How many times Can I replay the same spiraling day? I know the rules Yet I keep crashing through Breaking them anyway No one should have To put up with my mouth When am I going to figure that out? It should be so uncomplicated When someone says “hi” Just don’t open the floodgates Why can’t I go back To smiling and nodding? Nobody wanted To talk to me either way That single word Should be cherished Not run over Like an unwelcome mat I shrink back aware of my failure After every unwanted outburst Do I ever learn? No, I don’t I just keep on Assaulting potential friends Cementing them as acquaintances A self-fulfilling prophecy This unfiltered spew Will never attract The kind of beauty I am longing for
K.B. Silver
As an AuDHDer, my communication style vastly differs from that of most of those around me. I tried to modify this for most of my life, but I was unsuccessful. I have only recently begun to unmask and try going at life just as myself. However, it is still almost impossible to go out in public and actually interact with people fully unmasked. The more I am interested in or excited about a topic, person, or conversation, the more you can see that on my face and hear it in my voice. So I try to counteract it, but it goes awry.
I can usually see the spot where other people expect the conversation to end or to go, but I feel the anxiety build up as I desperately try to follow that prescribed road. Finally, the energy shoves me right over the edge, info-dumping as I fall.
Originally published in Wishbone Words 15 November 2023
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