Unconventional Ways of Dealing With Misunderstandings
Our primal need to connect brings out the best and worst in us, how we navigate the worst in us determines the relationships we keep
We are hardwired to seek human connection. It is the fabric of life. With it comes misunderstandings, disagreements, and arguments.The conventional ways of solving these problems either impair our relationships or require us to compromise ourselves for connection.
What if there was a third option.
One that’s mutually beneficial to everyone. An option that strengthens our relationships while teaching us emotional intelligence. Helping us hone the skills we missed learning in our childhood.
Today many people lack the means to resolve conflict because they were never taught how to, so they function on autopilot. This leaves many at the mercy of extreme emotions.
During a misunderstanding, they react violently to protect themselves. They cannot see others’ perspectives. Which makes both parties believe they are right. The downside is that no one feels heard or understood and both miss an opportunity to see the lessons inherent in their situation.
How to make amends
To resolve the conflict you need to first resolve it in yourself. Once you`re at peace that peace will radiate outwards making you genuine and sincere.
Here are 3 ways to resolve internal conflict
1. Embrace the trigger
Being triggered is a gift, a gift in awareness; it’s a moment when a psychological wound is brought to our consciousness. We can either analyze and heal it or shift blame. By analyzing we unearthing our hidden pain allow us to find a resolution.
2. Validate your emotions
Your emotions portray how you truly feel. Often we suppress negative emotions this leaves an imprint in us which manifests in the form of depression or abusive behavior. By validating our emotions we allow ourselves to experience the feeling allowing the emotion to dissipate on its own.
3. Forgiveness
Understand that many people have triggers just like you. Your Job is not to fix these triggers but to understand that they exist so that you can garner enough sympathy to forgive. You can help them by allowing them space to fight their demons on their own. They may eventually come to realize the error of their ways and maybe apologize. Read more on how to let go of an apology you didn’t receive click here.
“What happens when people open their hearts?” “They get better.” ― Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood
Once you have worked on yourself you can extend that healing outwards. Here are 4 ways to help you make amends.
1. Aim to understand the other
Misunderstandings are always caused by poor communication and poor understanding. By talking to each other and asking questions to understand you will come to see their hidden good intentions.
2. Validate their emotions
Allow them to feel how they feel without shaming or dictating. Be with them through this process and when they are ready to be in an empowered state that’s when you can offer your advice or a different perspective.
3. Accommodate their differences
By accommodating you are giving the other person’s views room to exist. You aren’t abandoning your beliefs just respecting the other person. Often the other person will return the favor.
4. Talk about what happened so that you both on the same page
This allows you to iron out any differences and provides a common resolution. After all, If you share the same story you are both united.
The beauty of resolving a misunderstanding is that we are rewarded with true intimacy and a greater understanding of ourselves and the other. So the next time a misunderstanding arises use that opportunity to strengthen your relationship and move closer to enlightenment.
If you enjoyed this you are welcome to read the damage only a father can do.