Unapologetically In Love With Their Words
My best friend gave me what he was willing to bring to the table
Since childhood, I have grown up listening to songs. My father has had immense love for music, and this was instilled in my siblings and me. I couldn’t thank him enough for introducing me to the beauty of music. I heard songs in Punjabi, Hindi, and English language. While Punjabi songs didn’t need any introduction as it’s my mother tongue, Hindi was taught to me like any other secondary school subject.
As I grew up, I realized how magical the power of music was as it used to pull me out of darker zones of life. Being raised in a domestic violence environment wasn’t an easy game. I can recall how my sister used to play cassettes on a tape recorder and pause them in between to pen down the lyrics in her notebook. That was our hobby during those days, unlike today when kids go into a frenzy over PlayStation and Smartphones.
When I was in the 9th standard my brother introduced me to English songs. By this time, I knew who Ricky Martin, Enrique Iglesias, Backstreet Boys, and Britney Spears were. I enjoyed the songs of the NSYNC band too. But the day I heard songs by Eminem I never looked back again.
My world started changing and learning his lyrics became my passion. He sang so well and fast enough for me to catch my breath. I even started writing rap and lost most of my work as windows were corrupted on my PC one day. I regretted losing my rap. I didn’t know about the medium then. I would have loved to share two cents of my Rap lyrics with you all.
In 2011, I came across Kurt Cobain and Jim Morrison’s music. I got two books from my friend, and he wanted me to explore the world of rock music. I didn’t hesitate and the more I read about them, the more tears started flowing from my eyes. They both were damaged. And I knew this definition of damage quite well. I felt as if a piece of my heart belonged to them in different stages of life, maybe even before my birth. That’s my wild imagination.
Today, I am sharing my favorite quotes from them that have impacted my life a lot and made me think about who I am.
I have been betrayed in my life innumerable times. I stopped counting on betrayals the day my best friend for ten years betrayed my trust. I used to respect and admire him like hell. I shared my inner fears, insecurities, and disappointments of life in a glimpse of an eye with him. He never hesitated to support me.
I was going through a lot back in 2017. My marriage was falling apart. I told him about this too. He was there to hear me out but seasonably. I started believing nobody liked hearing about damaged goods. That’s when I re-read this quote again that was there on my hard drive. I could relate it to what my best friend did after listening to my story. He preferred to leave me.
Kurt’s words made me realize I wasn’t at fault. It was expected. My best friend gave me what he was willing to bring to the table.
There has been a time in my life when I was fearful and ran low on confidence. Those were my school and graduation days. The domestic violence experience made me think that I wasn’t good enough. I used to write in bad English. I committed innumerable grammatical errors. But I was amazed when I was made Star Writer of the Month even with these grave mistakes.
The website owner told me that I was bringing traffic to his website with my write-ups, and he wasn’t looking for anything more beyond that. I became a star in my eyes that day. I felt loved and respected. Acceptance is something I was looking for, and I finally got it in 2004.
While going through domestic violence marriage too, I dared to challenge the usual beliefs of people, and once more fear was defeated by me. I kept the door open and let people leave me because I wasn’t ready to compromise more on my self-respect and dignity.
Jimmy’s words still ring high in my ears when I go through hell.
I was married to an asshole. I dated assholes all my life. I was called bad names until I looked within and realized I am a beautiful soul. I saw myself as beautiful in and out. The eye makeup I learned in 2015 changed my entire look. I did it for myself. I gained confidence on my own. It took me years to see myself in the mirror without any flaws.
I am not looking back. I know I am beautiful. God has made me beautiful. I stopped allowing assholes to define my worth. The last man who called me names God forbid, but I know the way he looks. I am not a racist, but I know how to stop being compassionate to assholes in my life. I deserve peace of mind and love.
Yeah, I am talking about the same love I give to others. Until I see it coming back to me in the form of blessings, I don’t give it back to unworthy and not-so-thankful souls.
This quote changed my life to make me realize all the best things in life.
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Gurpreet Dhariwal is the author of Three Books. Her books are available on Amazon, Flipkart, and BlueRose. Connect with Gurpreet at www.gurpreetdhariwal.com