UFOs In My Backyard

Last night, I was abducted by aliens.

It could have been fun, but unfortunately, their anal probe was on the fritz. The darn thing blew a fuse while it was attached to me, and it totally burned my asshole. Now the hose is permanently fused to my body.

The aliens tried to cheer me up by hanging me out the back of the flying saucer and dragging me through the air so it would feel like I was waterskiing. Did it hurt? Yes. A lot. But there’s no point in complaining because these guys don’t speak English.

I don’t mean to sound like an ungrateful guest, but part of me hopes they all catch my germs and die. That’s why I keep French kissing them.

That’s not why I keep giving them blowjobs, though. I’m doing that because it's fun and because their cum tastes like applesauce.

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