Two Truths and a Lie: Answers
Yes, I did lie, but only because the game told me to
I’ll cut straight to it, because I know everyone is keen to return to watching Stranger Things. (I don’t know about you, but I was a little disappointed in this season. Felt like a cliched horror flick that ditched quirkiness for Hollywood rah rah. And what hill takes 15 hours to run up? Can anyone even run that long?)
Sorry, here you go.
- I once got stuck between the closing doors of a train, one leg inside and one leg outside. Fearing I would be dragged down into the gap and crushed or at least severely mangled, I had to hop along the platform for about 30 metres before someone alerted the train driver to stop the train. The train guard who opened the doors was pissing himself laughing, and I had to shamefully sit in the train next to the commuters who understood how doors work.
Answer: True.
I was a 14 year old wannabe rock god (more about that here: https://readmedium.com/i-was-almost-a-rock-god-and-will-happily-tell-you-at-every-opportunity-7e09344e889b) and missed my train stop because I was jamming out to Jimi Hendrix on my Discman. (God I’m old)
As I realised my mistake and scrambled out at the next station, I saw a train on the opposite platform. As the station only had 2 platforms, mathematically I knew the odds that the waiting train was returning the way I needed to go were high. But being the risk averse introvert that I was, I needed to check the display board (not even electronic in those days, gosh) to be sure. I checked, and leapt into the train just as the doors were closing. I managed to get one leg and a backpack inside (not sure exactly how this happened, I think I tried to enter sideways?), but the rest of my gangly body was left stranded outside.
As the train began to move, passengers on the inside tried to drag me in by yanking on my backpack, while I hopped along on the outside with my other leg. It was a delicate equilibrium, and just as my hopping skills were set to be outpaced by the train, it ground to a sudden halt. The train guard two carriages ahead almost burst his urethra he was laughing that hard, while I slunk inside and stared at the ground until I almost missed my stop again. Ever since, I have treated train doors with the respect and fear they deserve.
2. As a child, I had an innate skill for guessing adults ages by counting and multiplying the number of wrinkles on their faces. Unfortunately I made a miscalculation on my kindergarten teacher Ms Sharkey, and was put on detention after announcing to the class she was 132 years old.
Answer: Lie.
As I child, I was fascinated by wrinkles — who isn’t? But I never would have dared say that to Mrs Sharkey, who was scarier than an actual shark. Although I did get detention in year 3 for stealing the rubber stoppers off the bottom of the classroom chairs (for what purpose I hadn’t yet decided).
3. I once played the role of a drunken boxer with a strong dislike of DJs who think they can sing in a movie about the longest house party ever held. The film was not nominated for the Oscar’s, and I earned the grand total of $1 for the greatest acting performance of life.
Answer: If you’ve read this far (thanks for the 0.003 cents if you have), you may have already guessed this was.. True.
My brother-in-law is a movie director, and invited me along to be an extra on one of his films. On the night, one of the minor character actors was a no-show, and I was asked/conscripted to fill in. Despite having zero acting experience and more nerves than a chimpanzee in a Pfizer lab, I successfully delivered three lines of heart, soul and profundity that blew the house down. (My brother-in-law did warn me multiple times not to overact, but I’m guessing Scorsese says that to De Niro all the time.)
Come to think of it, I’m still waiting for that dollar..
Shout out to Karen E Brewer and PJ Kaplan for having a guess. I told you I was good at lying.
Thanks for reading. Not time for your screen break yet? Try this:
Want to save scrolling time and get my stories delivered straight to your inbox? Do that here.
Feel like joining Medium and supporting me and thousands of other writers to buy drugs and other creative tools like stationary? Do that here.