Turning Mental Chaos into Cohesive Writing

A semi-autobiography and introduction.

Last week this question was asked in a Facebook group for writers:

Why did you start writing?

Motivation is a deeply personal thing. Not surprisingly, the answers were all unique.

• To share knowledge
• To express my thoughts
• To keep notes for my own learning
• To cope with anxiety during the pandemic isolation
• To make money
• To leave a legacy for my descendants
• To enjoy writing

This question made me think about why I write.

I have always said that I write to untangle the thoughts in my chaotic mind. This still rings true.

I’m one of those people who need to talk about something to figure it out, a verbal processor. My husband is the opposite. He won’t talk about something unless he has already figured it out.

This is problematic for me. If we can’t talk about it yet, how will I ever know what I think?

I don’t think there is such a thing as an idea without words, because your language is your thought.

— Katherine Dunn

Ideas, questions, stressors, and thoughts rove around in my head untethered. They are not solid; they are apparitions. I can’t quite catch them, but I can feel them. They feel like anxiety.

For my thoughts to be solid and useful, they need to become formed. If I can’t talk about them, I must write.

Unfortunately, I didn’t figure this out quickly.

I have years worth of unclear thoughts still meandering around, stirring up trouble. The chaos in my mind is unnerving sometimes.

These days, when I realize what’s going on, I sit down to write.

The first draft is usually a free flow. The editing is where I truly sort out my thoughts and figure out what I am trying to say. Entire sections will disappear, paragraphs move around. The title changes as I realize what the story is truly about.

In the end, I have a nice tidy string of thought instead of mental chaos. I feel calm, in charge of my thoughts. Even my husband has noticed a change in my demeanor since I started writing.

A Semi-Autobiography

How did I become so tangled, to begin with? Well, I did promise this story would be semi-autobiographical.

I am an introvert who married another introvert and we settled into a quiet life — with three kids and a homeschool. So, not actually quiet. And no time to process my thoughts.

Chronic illness entered the picture in the form of fibromyalgia, chronic lyme disease, chronic fatigue, and anxiety. This limited my ability to connect with people even further.

With no outlet for mental and emotional processing and only toddlers to talk to, my thoughts became more and more tangled.

The kids are bigger now. Teenagers are much more interesting conversationalists. Homeschooling keeps me mentally stimulated, I get to learn right along with them.

But it’s not enough to keep my thoughts in line.

Through writing, I am untangling my thoughts and finding myself again.

I love reading your personal stories and connecting with other writers. Let’s be in touch, here on Medium, Facebook, or Twitter. I’m new to social media — help me build a community!

Thanks to Dr. Mehmet Yildiz for the encouragement to create a writer’s introduction.

For my fellow writers on Facebook who asked and answered the original post, thanks for the inspiration. I challenge each of you to expand on why you write. Tag me in your article, I would love to read it!

Ankit Agrawal, gravity well (Rob Tomlin), Elye, Jhemmylrut Teng, Haneen AbuFarha ✍🏼🇵🇸, Bre Venanzio, Amit Chauhan, Keara Lou, Vuyo Ngcakani, Jennifer MacDonald, Manila Quentin