Turn “Quitters Day” into Something More Positive

Don’t be crushed by failing to stick to your resolutions.

The third Sunday in January is when most people abandon their New Year’s resolutions.

It’s called Quitters Day. How’s that for negative connotations? Nobody likes a quitter, so the expression goes. I have to disagree.

It’s time to quit beating yourself up for doing okay at life.

The majority of us are going to be average. That’s not rocket science, it’s just a statistical reality. If we were all exceptional, none of us would be.

Quit setting the bar too high

Goals are good, but make them in small increments and celebrate each little achievement. It’s cool to write yourself a check for a million bucks and stick it on your fridge with a plan to cash it in one day. But don’t obsess over that target at the expense of figuring out how to take the first steps to reach it.

Life is for living and enjoying. Sometimes life events — like a global pandemic for example — get in the way of your five-year plan. But you still have 24 hours every day to occupy somehow.

Fill your time with enriching things. Read a book, go for a walk in nature. Breathe. Struggling to pay the bills is tough. I know, I’m a single parent so I’m not glibly telling you to chill out and forget about it.

But when you can, take the option to relax and give yourself a break. Burnout is really easy to reach when you have a lot on your plate and you don’t take some time out for you.

Action: whatever your ultimate goal might be, start small and take time to acknowledge and appreciate every win.

Quit beating yourself up for failing

I read a lot on Instagram about women’s experiences with not having the childbirth that they wanted, not losing the weight they wanted to lose. They feel like failures, but that’s a perception, not a state of being.

Stop focusing on the negative. Stop focusing on the past, because it can’t be changed. Acceptance is your friend, spend time with it and get to know it really well. It will be a friend for life.

There is a joy in being average. Most of us fall into that category, and it’s a comfortable place to fall into. Most successful people will tell you that success comes with a lot of pressure.

Action: think about the words you use to talk to yourself in your head. And to talk about yourself out loud. If you find yourself saying “I can’t ever do…” or “I’m hopeless at…” pull yourself up and rephrase your self-talk. “I haven’t done that yet, I’m getting better at that, I’m going to do that soon”. Think positively and you are more likely to take more positive actions in the future.

Quit things that don’t serve you

It’s time to look at what you didn’t like about yourself in 2020. Instead of resolving to do more, exercise more or go on some crazy diet, maybe you could quit late nights and unhealthy habits? How about quitting social media for a month? Or just cutting down a bit. Quit something small that doesn’t do you good. Just a little thing can make a big difference.

Action: set a reminder on your phone that tells you when you have spent 30 minutes on social media. When the alert pops up, put your phone down and do something else relaxing or fun. Take a bath or walk your dog. Build some Lego with your kids.

If you’re a shopaholic, racking up debts to feed your clothes habit, reassess your wardrobe and get a handle on your spending. Try setting yourself a sensible budget and sticking to it.

Action: “one in, one out” is a great principle for clothes buying. If you buy a new item, take something out of your wardrobe and donate it. That way, you’ll become more aware of what you actually own, and if you really need to buy more stuff.

Quit thinking failure is a dirty word

Do you know why household product WD40 is called that, where it got its name from? We all have a can somewhere in our garage, but it has a great origin story you might not know:

In 1953, a fledgling company called Rocket Chemical Company and its staff of three set out to create a line of rust-prevention solvents and degreasers for use in the aerospace industry.

Working in a small lab in San Diego, California, it took them 40 attempts to get the water displacing formula worked out. The original secret formula for WD-40® Multi-Use Product — which stands for Water Displacement perfected on the 40th try — is still in use today.

But they had 39 failed attempts before they succeeded. And they were so proud of the end result they reflected that process of “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again” in the product name.

It’s a household name but one that tells a story of perseverance in the face of multiple failures.

Action: accept that if you fail, you’re in great company. Pick yourself up and nail it next time. Or the next. Remember that Rome wasn't built in a day.

Quit telling yourself you can’t

Every day is a winding road... Dream on… So many popular songs remind us that human life is a journey we’re all traveling on. All journeys have the potential to be stalled by traffic jams, flat tires, running out of gas.

But you know you’re going to get to your destination eventually. Stop telling yourself you can’t do it, just because of a little bump in the road.

If life was easy we’d all be getting everything right all the time, and how incredibly boring would that be?

We’re messy, imperfect humans and life is not easy. It’s sometimes really hard.

Take starting out as a writer, for example. It’s a rollercoaster of flurries of enthusiasm, often followed by a modicum of success and then a slump. On repeat. This must be the experience of all writers, from what I can glean by the plethora of articles telling us to persevere, take rejection on the chin, gird our loins and head back into battle. But we do it because we love it.

Action: keep telling yourself you can achieve what you want. And give yourself plenty of time to achieve it. No pressure.

Are You Failing Better Yet?

How are you feeling right now? I want you to feel good about yourself. If you read this and get up from your laptop or phone or other device and look around you with a slightly more positive perspective, I will be a very happy writer.

Let me know. Are you failing better yet? We’re all failing a little every day. Why don’t we do it well, do it together and be proud of our failures, as they inevitably lead to improvements and future successes. You can’t have success without a few failures.

Let’s stop beating ourselves about it. This quitter’s day I’m going to quit being mean to myself.

I hope you’ll quit right along with me.

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