Treat Everyone as if They Recently Lost a Child to Gun Violence

It’s called “empathy” and we should start making it part of our society

If you aren’t sure whether a behavior is appropriate or not, here’s a little test for you. Try asking yourself whether you would behave that way in the presence of someone who had just lost a child to gun violence.

If a person has just lost a child to gun violence, is it appropriate to say, “F#$% your feelings?”

If a person has just lost a child to gun violence, is it appropriate to coal-roll them?

If a person has just lost a child to gun violence, is it appropriate to shove depictions of AR-15s arranged to spell out profanities into their face?

If you’re uncertain about any of these, the answer is a resounding NO!

No, you wouldn’t do those things in front of a person in the throes of agonizing grief. Therefore, you shouldn’t do those things EVER.

Instead, treat people like they’re attending a funeral. Allow them some dignity. You don’t know what kind of traumas the people you meet have had to endure recently.

Some people might argue that it represents an “extreme” perspective to treat everyone as if they’ve just lost a child to gun violence. Many people insist that gun violence is actually statistically rare in the United States.

They’ll do this by breaking gun violence up into categories:

• They’ll talk about shootings related to crime
• They’ll talk about police shootings (incidentally, police kill a lot more people than mass shooters)
• They’ll talk about suicide
• They’ll talk about “accidents”
• They’ll break up mass shootings into different categories (shootings at schools, shootings at churches, shootings at public places, etc.)

All of these arguments are irrelevant and dishonest.

To anyone who would say that gun violence is rare, I’d refer you back to the original rule.

If a person has just lost a child to gun violence, is it appropriate to say “Actually, gun violence is statistically rare?”

No! It’s not appropriate to say that to somebody who is processing the grief and trauma of losing a child. So, you should NEVER say it.

“Statistically rare” is not the same as “ZERO.” Therefore, it’s irrelevant. We need to work towards zero.

Zero gun deaths.

Anything else is unacceptable.

Some people will read that comment and think, “Well, it’s impossible to prevent ALL gun violence.”

Again, I refer you to the rule.

If a person has just lost a child to gun violence, is it appropriate to say, “Well, we can’t prevent this?”

NO! Don’t say that!

American culture has deteriorated to the point where common sense decency has been shoved under the rug. People think they’re more entitled to engage in ignorant humor than show any respect for the struggles faced by the members of their community.

“Well, I didn’t know that you’d just lost a child to gun violence,” they’ll say. “Obviously, I wouldn’t have said that if I had known.”

No!

If you ever get called out for making crude jokes in the presence of somebody who’s had to bear an unspeakable trauma, don’t say, “Well I didn’t know.” Don’t act as if your state of ignorance is a justification. You’ve just stepped on a wound. It doesn’t matter if you meant to or not.

The words that should come out of your mouth are, “I was wrong. I was sorry. I’ll try to be a better human being from now on.”

If you don’t want to say those words, there’s a simple solution: always act as if you’re in the presence of people who have lost children to gun violence.

If you constantly assume that, you’ll treat everyone with the basic human decency they deserve.

It’s called respect.

The sad part is, according to one survey the number of people who have lost somebody to gun violence in the United States is a staggering 20%.

Think about that.

If you cross paths with 5 people today, chances are one of them has lost somebody to gun violence. This tragic reality of our nation means that a lot of what is currently considered commonplace discourse is highly inappropriate.

Americans love to be brusque.

Americans love to indulge in crude humor.

Americans love toxic masculinity.

Well, none of that behavior is appropriate in the context of a parent who has had to bury his or her child.

I know, I know, when we tell you that your comments are crude and offensive, you complain that it “hurts your feelings” to be criticized.

Well, what about the feelings of the parent who has lost a child to gun violence? Why don’t we ever take a second and think about what those people are going through?

The reality is that in most situations in the United States, you are going to be surrounded by people who have lost children to gun violence. Think about that the next time you share a meme taking a swipe at “kids these days.” Maybe you’ll step on the last nerve of somebody who is struggling with more than any human being should ever be expected to endure.

What America needs is to normalize basic decency.

Maybe if we did that, we wouldn’t have such a large population of people who have had to grapple with the agony of losing children to gun violence.

This all seems like common sense to me.

Treat the people you meet in life as if they are processing a trauma you can’t even begin to imagine. You need to make that your standard operating assumption.

The sad reality is that a large number of the people you meet are carrying a pain that, hopefully, you’ll never have to experience.

Just take a second to consider that the next time you think it might be funny to act like a jerk.

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