Trauma, Healing and the Human Spirit: Part 1 of 3
Originally published on examiner.com, August 16, 2011 at 11:55am
How can we begin the process of transcending any traumatic experiences we’ve had in life?
You can do this my fellow traveler in Soul. Keep believing in yourself. If I can do it, anyone can.
Sometimes all it takes is a willingness to delve into these dark places, pray and/or meditate, accept what is there, and recognize it for what it is. Perspective plays a huge role in the process of clearing all that no longer serves us in mind, body and Soul.
Let’s discuss the ‘need to be seen’ within this context. This need can so often be met with misunderstanding. For example, let’s take an adult whose need to be seen is paired with prolonged and severe abuse from childhood. As an adult, acting from such a space can and will be perceived by others as needy, invasive, grasping, overly self-focused and so on. However, to the wounded child that is within the adult, it can feel something like this, ‘If they see me maybe they won’t hurt me. If they see that I am here maybe they will stop stepping on me, maybe they will see how much it hurts.’
When the body is threatened it taps into our most basic need, the need to survive. Even when you’ve been in an abusive/harsh situation for so long that you have begun to pray for death each and every day; I myself was in this space as a pre-teen; once that switch is flipped and your survival is in limbo — the fight to survive begins. I am speaking of literal physical ‘fight or flight’ here. Bigger picture: your goal is to teach your self how to thrive not merely survive. You are much more than a survivor.
When faced with trauma of any sort, it is the fact that we are in a body that provokes the mind to protect and ensure the survival of that body. Our minds are amazing friends to us. They can and will contort in many ways when we are exposed to environments or experiences that cause anxiety, fear or that act as a constant threat to our well-being. At times, our minds will do this by re-arranging the thoughts we have around our feelings, or by blocking such feelings altogether to ensure the survival of the body. This serves in protecting us from mental and emotional harm. Eventually however, in order to help mitigate or prevent dis-ease from forming in our bodies, we must access these stored feelings and thoughts. This way we can free our body and mind, clearing the space they have held for us over the years in these ways.
Freud called the development of such coping mechanisms, ‘defense mechanisms.’ Yup, I just quoted Freud. He defined defense mechanisms as psychological strategies that are brought into play by various entities to cope with reality and to maintain self-image. Defense mechanisms help us to come out alive and with our sanity intact. However, until and as we continue to rid ourselves of the defense mechanisms that we once developed to survive some of the harsher experiences we had earlier on in life, it will most certainly not feel as if this is the case in our present moment.
When the need to survive is heightened, the child’s mind begins to rationalize, ‘it has to be me — why would anybody act this way unless I am bad — what’s wrong with me?’ This is just one example of the many subconscious messages that are sent to children when they are being mistreated, abused and harmed.
Abused children live in environments where the people in charge of their care are not truly capable of reflecting who they are. These children are not experiencing mirrors of joy, integrity, of true responsibility, positivity, or sanity. The mirrors that they see and interact with on a daily basis reflect ignorance, ugliness, fear, control, neediness and anger. In such cases the parents emotional needs far outweigh their ability to assure and protect the basic needs of the child.
You can get through this.
To read part 2 of this series, click here!
Thank you for reading! Wishing you infinite blessings in your journey of healing. 🙏
If anything has come to heart and/or mind upon reading this piece, I would surely love to hear from you! Please share in comments below.
Soul to Soul,
Creative Hearts Align