Trauma, Healing and the Human Spirit: Healing the Wounds, Part 2 of 3
Originally published on examiner.com, August 16th, 2011 at 11:55 am
There are many in our world today who have experienced deep trauma and wounding in their lifetimes. Some continue to walk around in the stories of their families to a lesser/greater degree. Whenever we see and experience this in ourselves or in another, let’s take note and choose to be conscious of this fact: this person is deeply hurting inside. It is, in general, not always, a person who is deeply hurting who inadvertently hurts another. Let’s work to remember this, and to keep this as our focus when we are faced with just such a Soul in any given moment — utilizing discernment of course.
We will all come upon this many times throughout our lifetime. Let’s, each and every one of us, remember to choose to reflect who we Are in these moments, and not what they are currently emanating. There is always room for growth in this way. It is challenging not to oscillate with or react to the more challenging vibrations as we are faced with them in any given moment, (especially as empaths, as we also get to feel it), for we are energetic beings first. It is up to each and every one of us to stand strong in our own vibration — love, and to emanate this. This takes active practice for everyone. Due to our individual experiences in life, each of us will have more or less difficulty when presented with certain energies or situations along the way as we work to master this practice through the walk. Let’s remember to be patient with ourselves and with others.
Many wounded humans continue to play the ‘role’ that they were assigned to as children or they rebel, assuming a role opposite of that which was expected of them in their earlier years. Either mode of expression reveals a person whose mind and body are still very much in an active mode of walking in ways that reflect or are guided by what they have learned and experienced in the past.
Some peeps carry this story around with them wherever they go, constantly reacting not to their current situation, reality or moment, but to a story that they learned from their parents, who learned it from their parents, and on and on it goes until someone chooses to put an end to the cycle.
Awareness is key.
Not only is it up to this person to find their own way forward, but it is also up to us as individuals to respond in love, rather than to take it personal and react in defense to such people. More than anything in this world they need to see, feel and hear love, and over and over again. How else will they ever get to learn? It is we, each and every one of us, who can reflect this love back to them. That’s what they didn’t get to see/experience when this pattern was developing in them in the first place. Is this always easy for us? No, it is not. Again, utilize discernment, it makes no sense to practice this if your body and mind are in actual danger in someone’s presence. Pay heed. You will feel it. Your body will always tell you. It is up to us to learn how to listen.
The folks that I am speaking of here live life in a constant state of defense, and to a past that is now long gone. This is how their minds have developed. These individuals have become self-identified to the reflections that they once received from their caretakers, that is all. They have walked through some pretty harsh experiences. There are very real affects to our minds and bodies when they have experienced such things in life. So let’s put some extra effort toward ceasing in judgment, both inwardly and outwardly, when we are interacting with another who has such wounding, especially when they are actively triggered or when they are in an active state of healing such a wound in themselves. It’s an extremely vulnerable space to be in. Also, this practice can save lives should the person be an actual danger to the public. Reacting to darkness only provides it with an opportunity to attack, for that is its nature. If you feed it, it will only serve in drawing it toward you. Most humans are not inherently bad or evil. If a loved one is acting from deep hurt in a given moment, speak to their Soul and not to the darkness that you are seeing in that moment. Better yet, wait until they are calm once again and show em’ some good ol’ lovin.’
It is not by any means an easy feat to face such feelings in ourselves, to clear them from the screen of mind, or to facilitate our bodies in ways that will allow them to cease in their reaction to triggers.
For empaths, not only do we have physical pairings to contend with, but there are ‘energetic pairings’ as well, and those can be even trickier to become consciously aware of. Many energetic pairings are paired or born in a vibration/environment where no reason was present in the moment/moments when we were being harmed. In other words, reasoning will not yield logical answers or results when you find yourself wondering why in the heavens you have certain pairings or attractions to things or people that you know are not good for you. Will share more around this in future posts. Anywho, sometimes these feelings, these wounds, have been buried so very deeply in the body, and the mind has protected us so very well, that it is a challenge to even gain access to these feelings in the first place so that we can stop acting it out when triggered. Gently work to teach yourself to see it as a blessing when you are getting triggered, for it is a chance to clear that reaction. I know it doesn’t feel like it in the moment, but it IS a deep blessing. Keep on fellow traveler in Soul. You can heal.
Sometimes a person has walked through so much harshness in life that they have many such wounds to attend to and heal. Is what it is, and sometimes in life old wounds will get triggered in mind/body, especially when the body has been harmed very deeply, i.e., to the point of near death. I get it. You want to live freely, the life that you deserve to live, the life that you Are. Have faith and trust in yourSelf, you will get there. You are here for a reason, many reasons.
Remember this when you come upon a more challenging person in life: this is what their minds and bodies have learned about themselves, life, living and relationships.
Ignorance is the mis-identification of the Spirit with the earthly.
They have allowed themselves, thus far, to be defined by their environments of old, environments that reflected a vibration of experiencing that wasn’t an accurate mirror for them, that did not validate or highlight the good in them, others, or the inherent good in life. If this pattern is continued, these are the folks that will become the abusers/perpetrators of tomorrow. They need love. To the best of your current ability, reflect love. They need someone who won’t give up on them. They need to not give up on themselves. Again, utilize discernment — some move on and surpass these vibrations that they were learning/experiencing in as children and some remain in that vibration for the rest of their life. Know the difference. You can see/feel/hear if someone is aware in this way or not. Trust yourself.
If your family consisted of a bunch of psychopaths would you trust their ideas about who you are? Even if your family is not made up of a bunch of psychopaths, you still know you better than anyone else on the planet, and it is high time to learn to trust in yourSelf again. This can be quite a process because it involves re-training the mind and body so that they may, once again, learn to walk in accordance with the knowing that is of Soul. It can be done, and you can do it.
A person who is no longer connected to themselves, and as such hurts others, cannot accurately reflect a person who is still connected in heart. Remember this as you walk through this process. As throughout your process of healing you will meet direct matches to your past. That is what you learned to be comfortable with in childhood to survive. Let such meetings remind you to love yourself ever more, and to be gentle with yourself along the way. Eventually you will move past the mechanism of survival that allowed you to accept these icky vibrations as a ‘normal’ part of life. Life does not have to be that way. You do not have to allow that in anymore. What at one point you felt drawn in by, will eventually repulse you as your mind and body become aware of its true nature. You grew accustomed to such energies growing up because you had to survive in them, and you did. Now, you don’t have to remain in it to survive. You can leave. You are free. Eventually, you will become more neutral when faced with such energies in this world, especially since you are no longer inviting them in to relate with you personally. It takes time. You will get it.
When another cannot truly mirror you in any given moment, be the ‘seer.’ Mirror through eyes of love. Remember this always as you work to heal such wounds in yourself: There is nothing wrong with you. Anyone who has walked through an experience like the one/s you have walked through in life is also looking for the way forward. It is our nature as human beings to want to strive forward and to seek the Light. A person who is currently unable to love cannot faithfully reflect love, and love is by nature who you Are, it is who we all are. This is all that happened: your soul was learning from human beings who simply didn’t know much about loving quite yet. You are the change, you have a great capacity to love, or you would not be here reading this. The result of growing up in such environs is that a child will tell themselves consciously or not so consciously, ‘I don’t deserve love,’ and thus attract to themselves people and situations that will most likely reflect this learned belief as an adult. You can get past this and allow love in. I have. Firmly choose not to allow the ignorance of those who raised you to define who you Are. They simply did not know. Their behaviors were a mere reflection of their own state of awareness, or lack there of, not of you. ‘Forgive them father, for they know not what they do.’
How do we begin to heal these wounds?
Here are some tools that will help us get moving in the right direction:
1) When you feel a charged reaction to any person, situation, or experience — step back. Your initial response may be to attack — STOP! This depends on if you identified with the aggressor or the passive person in the family dynamic. Leave for a while if need be. You can do this. You are in charge of your body and mind. You will get this. Have patience with yourself.
Most likely, if you are at the point of being aware that you have triggers, you are perfectly capable of learning that you may be reacting to a trigger when your reactions to a particular life circumstance or person are getting out of hand in any given moment. These cues serve in tapping you back into some very old, ingrained, and learned modalities of behavior — your conditioning. When you are triggered, your reaction is usually way out of proportion to the moment, and this is another indicator that you are caught in an old ‘story.’ Know this. It is perfectly okay to be where you are right now in this moment.
It is most likely not the intent of the person who is standing before you in this present moment to hurt you. If you have come from an extremely violent environment, it will not feel safe to stop reacting in this way. It may even feel like you are going to die at times. However, this too shall pass.
Ask yourself: is this person reflecting my past? Are they behaving in an abusive way? Or am I reacting to my past, and the person standing before me is loving and simply does not understand my reaction? You are reacting on a base level to a trigger from the past. Back then your environment was very unsafe. Your reaction to this cue was actually healthy, and more than likely paired with your survival. It will feel like you are lying to yourself at first, as your mind has to be convinced that your body is indeed safe so as to drop the defense. The more severe the trauma, the more challenging it can be to unwrap the mind in these ways. Your mind will be like, what? Are you kidding me, no way am I listening to you, I am in danger.’ It takes time, repetition and great patience to heal from severe trauma. However, it CAN be done.
Keep practicing these steps. It takes much repetition to re-train the grooves in the brain in this way.
2) Feel the feeling without projecting it out onto the other person. Own it. Once you can act without the defense mechanism taking over, which is usually expressed as rage, anger, defending, denial, protection, over-explaining, focusing too much on the ‘other’ person or over-all defensiveness, the feeling that is just behind the defense mechanism will begin to surface. Keep in mind that there is a reason that this defense mechanism is still in tact. Feeling these feelings as an adult is quite the experience — imagine being a 4 year old child feeling such fear, pain and sadness. It is in this way that you will begin to understand how your mind and these defense mechanisms have served you well. These coping mechanisms may totally feel ‘in the way’ of relating with others in the now — and they are, however at one point they saved your life. Congratulate yourself for realizing this more consciously, that’s progress sweet one!
3) Recognize that your mind has developed in this way as protection from a harsh environment, and learn to feel compassion for the part of yourself that endured such experience.
4) Sit with the feeling. Honor it and know that it will pass.
5) Console this part of yourself. Even though it feels horrible, the feeling will pass. Honor it and allow it to move through and out of your body. Work to release any self-judgment that you may have — this was once a very real and valid feeling. It was at one point a very healthy coping mechanism that your mind and body employed when you were faced with something that was not at all good for you on any level. Work to feel, honor and observe this as it is.
6) Watch for it — and every time it reappears repeat these steps until you feel like you can observe this feeling with a greater sense of ease. This way you can see it for what it is instead of re-experiencing it over and over and remaining in the cycle of self/other blame.
Lastly, this is just one vibration of experiencing. Once you have more or less healed such wounds in yourself, if you are an empath, you will get to feel the same hurt in others who have it, and you’ll be like — why did I do alla this work, if I have to feel it through others for the rest of this life? It is a very human response to have when we clearly discover this truth. It is a great blessing and gift to feel this deeply. Know This. The practice remains the same whether it is yours to clear, whether you are feeling such feelings as through a brother or a sister, or when you are feeling collective events in our world. The clincher is, when it is you, you can actively work to change it. When it is another, any other, what we get to learn of is a deeper form of acceptance than we ever fathomed possible with the mind alone. It is all about learning true presence with what is. It is about learning not to react, judge, or move from the place of like/dislike. It is about learning how to respond to life as it is, and this holds true whether we are speaking in the vibrations of the physical world and its emanations, whether we are looking at experience as through ‘you and me’ consciousness, whether we are viewing life in the ‘we,’ or whether we are speaking to the energetic levels of being.
To read part 3 of this series click here.
Thank you for reading! Wishing you infinite blessings in your journey of healing. 🙏
If anything has come to heart and/or mind upon reading this piece, I would surely love to hear from you! Please share in comments below.
Soul to Soul,
Creative Hearts Align